Was I rude? And should I attempt to resolve it?

[PersonaNonGarter]

Quick question, really:

A male colleague in my close team was discussing weekend plans. He is going swimming with his kids tomorrow afternoon. He told me all about it and then said he was going to x pool.

I said ‘oh I am also going swimming tomorrow afternoon, and was just mentally adjusting the time of swim but we will be at different pools so that’s ok!’

Now I meant ‘because no one wants an awkward swimming costume moment with their colleague and also my kids are super unruly anywhere near water’ but didn’t say that. I am tired, it came out wrong.

I was rude, wasn’t I? Basically said I don’t want to see you or your family at the weekend. Should I try to fix it?

How did he react?

He laughed slightly. But I think he will be slightly hurt.

Not rude at all, you are definitely overthinking this. I’m sure he would think the same!

More odd really. I wouldn't try and fix it in case you make it more awkward

I would think it was a bit strange if I were him.

I was odd. I’m getting weirder in my old age as I assume people can read my mind. Just too tired to communicate properly.

Does strange and odd equal rude?

Does strange and odd equal rude?

Not in my opinion. Personally I think if you tried to clarify now it would come across even more strange!

Just leave it. We place far more importance on our own comments than anybody else does (i.e. we agonise over sentences they brush over).

If I'm being honest whenever people come out with sentences in front of me that you can tell didn't come out quite how they meant them to - my only real reaction was 'phew I'm glad it wasn't me this time'.

Like I said. We're all very focussed on ourselves

Personally I would be tempted to drop him a message to say sorry, that you had meant it to come out as a funny comment about avoiding awkward colleagues in swimwear moments, but that it’s been a long week and it came out wrong. Wish him a pleasant weekend and leave it there.

I can't imagine he'll care- unless he's a MN Hyacinth, in which case he has probably already logged it with 101.

Not necessarily. He was probably left wondering what you meant and why you said that rather than snubbed or like you were trying to avoid him. Especially if you don't socialise outside of work.

Rude is generally judged by the receiver of the odd comment!

Just say "sorry if I seemed rude the other day", he'll either accept your apology or ask what you're talking about, in which case you can just say "nothing, apparently" and laugh it off.

@donquixotedelamancha

Just leave it. Maybe on Monday ask him about his weekend and ask if his kids enjoyed their swim. You could then say "just as well we were at different pools because we avoided having one of those awkward moments where you see your colleague in their swimwear" and laugh.

Apologising to him via text now would be really weird. Just make small talk on Monday, ask how his swimming session went and tell him about yours.

I don't think it's rude, I'm sure anybody would think that about their colleague. I bumped in to my colleague at centre parks and was in my swimming costume, I also saw him whilst I was having a few cocktails, it was a bit awkward as kept bumping in to him and we are quite different people so I felt a bit embarrassed. The following year he asked me if we were thinking of going to centre parks again as he wanted to make sure the dates didn't clash! I wasn't bothered, I agreed with him as the chances were quite slim of bumping in to him, we live quite far away from the Longleat one etc.

@donquixotedelamancha He did mention he was also going to Zoflora his pressure washer, so I can’t rule it out.

If you think he was hurt ans will be thinking about it all weekend I would follow up. Better look a bit loopers than be hurtful.

Marlena - what should I say? I feel like texting over steps professional boundaries?

I have texted him about 4times in the past six months So not completely without precedent but pretty exceptional.

OP

I would leave it , I think the more you go on about I think it will be weirder!
Honestly I have and still am a worrier about things I say lol.
If you do bump into colleague just act normally and smile.
On Monday ask how it went etc dnt make it awkward at all then your colleague will know you wasn't being rude.
Hope this has helped

Could you email? "Hi, after our conversation earlier, I feel like what I was saying came out wrong! I just wanted to clarify that is was more that you wouldn't want to be seeing my unruley DCs when trying to relax, sorry if I sounded rude" or something like that. Just light and kinda "jokey"

Sorry for typos!

Is it just me who doesn't actually understand what you said? What do you mean you were mentally adjusting the time of the swim?

I'd leave it, it was noy an ideal comment but he'll forget about it. referring to it later will make it 10x worse I think. Also, if he thinks about it, no one wants a "swimming costume moment" with a colleague and most of us want a rest from work at the weekend.