Tell me how to be attractive when ugly?

[IBrokeAllTheMirrors]

Just that.

Hair hair hair.

I watched the Kathy Burke programme were she was being photographed she said polish the turd a little but don't roll it in glitter.

So just enhance what you have got. I think she has great charm and such expressive eyes that is what comes across.

An old lecturer I used to have wasn't handsome but his wit and charm oozed and he smelt so clean & gorgeous. So soft touchable fabric, clean hair, nails some lovely jewels. Spend some money on yourself.

It really is confidence.

And if you're not lucky enough to have been born in an environment that imbues a natural confidence it can be won but it's harder.

I always thought I was 'naturally confident', and couldn't understand when people weren't, my callous and youthful self thought it was a bit of a personality defect. As I've got older I realise that my confidence comes from a place of privilege in so many ways.

So confidence, it's more a certainty about one's belonging, if you're confident you never feel out of place or as though you shouldn't be there, or listened to, or have your feelings considered.

Looks are secondary really, confident people are at ease with their looks because they're at ease with their place in the world.

And everyone should be confident, we all have equal worth, but as I get older I see how I was given that gift as a child that many people aren't. So work on self-worth and value, ignore the 'nails, hair, brows' crew, sure, if you feel great and worth taking care of, do those things if you feel like it, but preening in itself is not the way to an intrinsic sense of happiness, value and comfort with yourself. And that's the wellspring of confidence.

Ugly is such a strong word.

I never see anyone ugly. I see people of varying levels of attractiveness but never ugly.

I don't think that it attractiveness solely comes down to confidence; there are tonnes of worldly beautiful people who have the confidence of a rabbit in headlights.

Being at peace with yourself and your main attributes plays a role. If smelling nice, or wearing mascara or a white shirt makes you feel comfortable and at peace with yourself, then you will radiate warmth. And that makes others feel at ease in your presence and want to be around you. I think that there was a study that stated that trouble making children emitted a certain type of hormone that made other children avoid them. Thus perpetuating their need to bother other children. They compared it to adults who feel ill at ease with themselves, making others want to avoid them.

When you say "ugly" do you mean facially?

Our face is only a very small part of who we are.

In terms of our body, probably only 10%. in terms of our personality, the person we are- a lot less than that.

Look at Katie Piper- a beautiful woman, yet her face has been so damaged.

I am close to 60, my face is at best average, but I am very fit, slim, take care of my hair, and proud of who I am.

But that's exactly what I mean by confidence Tea, it's an ease with oneself which comes from true confidence that radiates attractiveness. Attractive in the true sense of the word, as in to draw others in. People are attracted to confidence because it makes them feel easy, true confidence (not arrogance) makes people feel that they're in a safe pair of hands, the wearer of confidence elicits trust in others, it makes them feel at ease. And that's what people are drawn to.

How old are you @IBrokeAllTheMirrors

Be a nice person, wear what makes you comfortable and don't give a shit!
Seriously, try can get to a place where other peoples opinions are not so important. I know this is not easy, it has taken me many years, but if you have good people around you, which I hope you do, and are a good person, your looks/appearance are of no consequence.
I don't like how I look but no longer care the opinions or others, I wear what I want, treat people with kindness and good grace and pity the idiots.

Make the most of it, hair, good weight, eat good food. Find something you enjoy.

I know people like that Dahl quote, and it’s often repeated, but agree it’s not that useful.

As a pp said - a good personality can cancel out 'bad' looks, but good looks can't cancel out a bad personality.

To be honest, I barely notice what the people I love look like now. I probably did when I met them but once you get to know a person the nice ones just seem more attractive anyway. Be confident, be kind, be charming and funny and it really doesn't matter what you look like.

Obviously with the caveat that you are clean and tidy with it!

Interesting case for me now I think about it. My SIL isn't very conventionally attractive, to my shame I remember noticing this when we met. But she is really bubbly, confident and caring and is a fantastic aunt to my children and friend to me. Weirdly I now think she is really beautiful looking too and she physically hasn't changed in the time I have known her, but my perception of her has because I love her.

I think as you get older, conventional attractiveness matters less and less. People who are nasty and bitter on the inside start to show it on their faces by their early forties, no matter how perfect their features. Whereas if you're not beautiful or even average, but you're used to smiling and laughing and being generally welcoming, you won't seem quite so 'ugly' in your 50s. (Although if you smile a lot, some attention to your teeth may be a good idea. )

As an aside, one of the songs that always makes me cry is 'Prettiest Eyes' by the Beautiful South. Especially the coda:

Well my face looks like a map of the town,
And my teeth are either yellow or they're brown,
But you'll never hear the crack of a frown when you are here,
You'll never hear the crack of a frown.

I think that sums up attractiveness.

From the top down:
Very good hair cut and colour and learn how to style it yourself (this is probably the main thing)
Eyebrows shaped and tinted
Natural make up, well applied
Sparkling clean teeth
An excellent bra and good posture
Clean clothes that fit very well

GenevaMaybe

I don't really agree.

I work from the botttom up.
Get your body into shape- you can have the worst eyebrows ever if you are fit.

I don't think eyebrows matter that much. Unless you really care about them.

I think all these tips are all very well but ultimately it’s down to confidence and not much else. I agree a good personality is important too but you need the confidence with it.

I have never been “well groomed”. I’ve never been able to beat my nail biting habit. I’ve never done my eyebrows in my life. My hair is thin and frizzy (though I can somewhat beat it into submission with straighteners!). I have a weird body shape that means high street clothes don’t hang well on me. Yet I’ve never been short of male attention and the majority of my ex’s have been good looking guys. Because, as corny as it sounds, I always believed in my own self worth.

Some may argue that you can give yourself confidence with all these external changes but you only have to look at someone like Katie Price to see that doesn’t work for everyone. How many of these young women with their lip fillers and extensions are saying ok I’m happy now with how I look, I won’t do anything else. Not many. “Beauty” is becoming so distorted. The goal for young women now seems to be to make themselves look like a cartoon character.

@meruem I so agree, I bite nails (have done for 30 plus years), my hair is naturally curly so in the summer it can be a nightmare with the humidity(no good haircut will change that), i am lazy with plucking eyebrows but what you see is what you get with me. I may not be perfect and some days I have serious doubts about myself (my ex used to call me fat arse so that didn't help) but I make the most of what I've got. If you want someone who spends ages getting ready then I'm the wrong woman for you. It's not about perfect hair or make up, or perfect brows and nails, its about being happy with yourself and that comes from within and you need to work on that because that is what makes you attractive . A friend told me that last year when I was feeling sorry for myself (he also told me I looked hot in my work clothes - trouser, blouse and waistcoat a completely conservative outfit).

Attractive is not the same a good looking.

Attractive is not the same a good looking.

It's not the same thing as pretty either.

Exercise - increases your confidence, improves your posture, makes you more cheerful and happy.

No one is ugly OP. Including you.
Beauty is truly from within. Confidence comes from a range of places, connect with people who you enjoy being with, be active, do hobbies that make you feel good, eat well, sleep well and drink water, lots of water. Wear clothes that make you feel good and have a haircut that you love. Walk tall, shoulders back, walk confidently knowing that "you've got this!"
Smile. Everyone's face is beautiful when they smile.
Do you. Be proud to be you.