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Original poster

What do people who are happy have in common?

26 replies

ElderAve · 22/01/2020 19:08

Its seems to me that whilst they have a wide variety of personal situations people who are happy more than they are not and generally manage their mental health well, do have some similar characteristics.

It might be a bit cheesy and nanny state but I really like the NHS five ways to well being and I've noticed that "happy" people seem to cover all the points almost instinctively. Although, I suspect it's not original NHS work

Five ways too wellbeing

OP posts:

BackforGood · 23/01/2020 00:18

I'd say it is about making the effort to 'look for the positives' - so, to look at what is making the 'glass half full' rather than 'making the glass half empty'.

Campurp · 23/01/2020 00:20

I think that happy people want to be happy so they search for the joy in everything. If you’re always noticing the nice things then there’s less time to be upset.

aurynne · 23/01/2020 01:58

I consider myself a very happy person. I don't do mindfulness, I do not read any self-help book. I have read the list and yes, I do a lot of things in it without having been told. I just make an effort to do things i enjoy every day, I keep away from people who are negative or do not contribute to anything positive in my lfie, I run away from drama, I walk in nature a lot, I am healthy (that is just down to luck mostly), I keep a healthy weight, don't smoke, drink an occassionally glass of wine or a beer. I change what i do and work in frequently (I started a brand new profession mid thirties) and practice different hobbies. I always try to find time with my good friends. I have a mental list of things i would like to do, and try to tick them off, and there are always some new ones to add. I am not jealous or envious, and I truly are happy for other people who are fortunate or lucky themselves, regardless whether I have what they have or not. i am also very resilient, when something goes wrong I just learn from it and move on, I don't dwell on "what ifs".

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 23/01/2020 02:13

I suspect a stable childhood. Either parents who told them they were loved and provided the basics they needed, or a caring relative.

All the things that set your sense of self and the feeling "Im okay" as a child.

Probably a lack of long term financial difficulty.

Josette77 · 23/01/2020 02:20

I had an unstable childhood (addicts, abuse, dad died of an overdose) no money.

I am active, volunteer, grateful for everything. I don't know if
I'm naturally happy or not, but I would say gratitude has taken me far in life. You wouldn't guess my background unless you knew.

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 23/01/2020 02:28

That's great Josette!

If you look research into ACEs for most people a high number of Adverse Childhood Experiences continues to affect them into adulthood.

ironicname · 23/01/2020 03:10

I don't think that it's possible to be happy all the time. I think that it's be possible to be content, but I see Happy as a high.

It's about accepting whatever comes your way and being present, dealing with it practically and emotionally so that when circumstances change we can move on.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 23/01/2020 04:41

I wouldn't say I'm wildly happy but I'm not depressed or anxious. Things that I feel would improve my happiness are: getting a decent night's sleep without being disturbed by husband's snoring; having enough money to comfortably cover our outgoings and leave a bit to spare for fun and for a secure future; a tidy, clean and nicely decorated house; less access to the news so I'm not worrying about the state of the country/Brexit/the planet (yes, I know these are important issues that we need to be thinking about, discussing and taking action over but surely not every time I see the tv, listen to the radio or check my phone?)

Connie222 · 23/01/2020 07:10

Everyone I know who is a happy, successful person has had a stable upbringing and supportive parents.

I feel like I was born unhappy. For as long as I can remember I’ve had a sense of doom. I never saw the joy in anything even as a child. I always look sad in photos/home videos from tiny. I remover saying I had a “nothing feeling” - I know now that’s how depression feels. I think I’m just a born misery.

olivehater · 23/01/2020 07:14

I had a pretty difficult, unstable childhood and am a relatively happy person. I know people who who came from lovely stable happy families and have loads of issues. I often think what on earth do you have to complain about but it is probably more they way you a born; your natural personality state. You can see the difference in babies, some are just happy and calm some are just anxious and cautious about everything.

BorneoBabe · 23/01/2020 07:35

I suspect a stable childhood.

Everyone I know who is a happy, successful person has had a stable upbringing and supportive parents.

Yup. The happiest person I know (she literally glows sometimes) comes from a loving, two parent, financially comfortable home. She went to private school and did loads of sports and arty after school activities. She told me once that her entire childhood was like a lovely dream. Interestingly, she's single and doesn't want kids herself.

Sassanacs · 23/01/2020 07:38

Money...

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 23/01/2020 07:40

I think self acceptance goes a long way. I learned to like myself in my 30s and have been a lot happier since.

chaineater · 23/01/2020 07:42

Good quality, adequate sleep

starsparkle08 · 23/01/2020 07:52

I don’t think it’s as straight forward as seeing things positively etc.
Life events have a huge impact on happiness . If you have been through something traumatic it is more likely that you may experience unhappiness / depression than if you had not.

Thekindyoufindinasecondhand · 23/01/2020 07:58

I came from a stable childhood, lucky enough to have a job I enjoy and I've conciously weeded out any negative/nasty people from my life. I'd say I'm happy 90% of the time. I also have minimal worries, I worry about money quite often and my weight but nothing momentous.
I have a child on the way though so expect that 90% happy figure may alter quite soon (up or down who knows!!)

Milicentbystander72 · 23/01/2020 07:58

I'd say humour.

By that I don't mean cracking bad jokes all day.

For instance my late Dad was really popular and attractive to be around. He was funny and told a great story. However he used to grumble at a lot about stuff about the world. He used to make it so funny though. Watching the breakfast news with him in the morning was always an experience. He believed in laughing at himself too.

My Dad has an awful unstable and neglectful upbringing and was on his own in the world from aged 15. He believes he found happiness through hard work and laughing through the bad stuff.

I'm quite a worrier but I find it very easy to laugh. I find I make friends very easily. Good old dad

BeyondMyWits · 23/01/2020 08:04

Not glass half full, or glass half empty - it is the realisation that glasses are refillable and you are in control of that. Choose to refill it when you want.

oh, and reasonably content is good enough. Happy is a bonus.

One thing though - you need the lows to recognise the highs. People often strive for continual happiness so much that their bar is set unrealistically high.

I am a generally content person - overall.

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 23/01/2020 08:36

I think a happy childhood and a job you enjoy would be a huge part of the way there.

LaksaLover · 23/01/2020 08:47

Very interesting thread.

I've always struggled with feeling happy. I have happy moments, happy weeks, but overall contentment has never really happened since childhood.

I honestly think being an over thinker is the main reason, as it stops me doing things, for fear of failure, which is so counter productive.

So, on the flip side, I would say that not over thinking certainly helps with happiness.

hellswelshy · 23/01/2020 08:57

I'm a fairly happy and content person. I have blips of course, if I am ill or stressed but on the whole I am grateful for what I have. Most days I think to myself how lucky I am to be happily married, have great dc, and have enough money- we live modestly. I had a childhood that was poor, both money wise and in other ways, though my dm loved me very much.
I've never envied others with more than me, and I'm still the same as an adult so maybe that's part of it, happy with my lot!

MsMellivora · 23/01/2020 09:24

I’m a glass half full person and am positive though many parts of my life have been horrendous, almost dying six years ago springs to mind. I had a seriously dreadful childhood, SS involved, violence, mad Mother alcoholic stepfather and not fed properly always. My stepfather tried to strangle me. I still know there are people far worse off than me. I have worked with many really vulnerable people and know full well their lives could have been mine and count my blessings every day that I’m not an addict or alcoholic. The women I have met who have lived under DV for years, it could have easily been me as I had no real idea of what a healthy relationship should be like. I had a well paid job but volunteered with these groups. Three of my sisters had violent partners, they returned home beaten badly when I was a teen, one is an alcoholic and one has been sectioned on and off all her adult life as so mentally unwell. I have times I do feel unhappy but I have seen how people really suffer. I suppose it does make me incredibly irritated by people that fuss over the trivial.

I had a service user whose Mother had been a heroin addict and prostitute. She ran away as her mother let her clients rape her as a child. She lived on the streets for a few years, she was proud she had never sold her body for money. She had her dc removed by SS. She sought help and with a lot of work she was allowed to keep her baby. She accepted her other dc needed to be removed as she was totally unfit to care for them at the time.Never have I met anyone as remarkable as that woman. If I ever start to feel a bit unhappy I think of what she endured and buck myself up.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 23/01/2020 09:35

I am a pessimist by nature. I don't mean I walk round like Eeyore all day long, but I am am always quietly aware of what the other shoe dropping might bring.

So I am very financially organised and protective of my savings, and cautious in my approach to spending money - I like to consider purchases and ensure I get the best deal. I tend to always think of the worst case and then enjoy a better situation as a bonus (as opposed to always expecting great things and being disappointed).

I am also quite a loner - whether by accident or design I'm not sure, but it is what it is. Maybe that has an impact? I agree with PP about childhood experiences too.

TreacherousPissFlap · 23/01/2020 10:11

I had a chaotic and abusive childhood, but I'm a stubborn old hag and have worked to the ends of the earth so that DS never knows what that is like.
I'm also very independent so don't rely heavily on people who may let me down, therefore I'm never disappointed in them.
I find joy in the little things, eg. there's a particular drive to work where I see a barn owl at the right times of the day - that pleases me for the whole day.

TreacherousPissFlap · 23/01/2020 10:12

Pffft, I had meant to say that I would consider myself very happy

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