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How to come to terms with not fulfilling promise?

4 replies

Holymolymackerel · 22/01/2020 14:09

I have a degree and great exam results but I have never had a career only lowly paid jobs. Now I find myself a sahm with 2 children, one of whom has additional needs so I wouldn't be able to return to work for some time if ever.

My dh has a masters from a RG uni but works in a blue collar job (he has severe dyslexia, he had a full time scribe at uni)

We both feel rubbish about ourselves, lost confidence etc. We read our old dissertations and can't believe it's our work.

We don't have much money so feel we can't give our kids the best so it will just happen again.

As an aside, I volunteer at my children's school. I was helping in my son's class but there was an incident which I felt I had to complain about. The complaint was upheld but now I've been moved to a reprographics role with no contact with anybody and I have definitely been sent to Coventry by the staff. I am also treated as if I'm stupid and I know i could do so much more especially when I hear some of the teaching assistants teach. I miss the class I was helping in. The move has made me feel down in the dumps because I was making a contribution to the class.

How do we come to terms with our lot? How do I show that being a sahm or having a lowly paid job doesn't mean somebody is stupid and worthless because that's how school makes me feel and that's how my husband feels in his paid job.

OP posts:
Holymolymackerel · 22/01/2020 17:23

Hopeful bump!

OP posts:
JasperRising · 22/01/2020 18:10

Hmmm. It's a tricky one. I definitely know the feeling off not living up to what you think you might achieve. I am trying to focus on whether I am happy with my life (regardless of whether it lives up to some potential life that may never have happened). It does sound like you are not happy at the moment.

Was your degree one that would lend itself to volunteering related to the subject? IE: history volunteer at a museum, English volunteer with a reading scheme, that sort of thing? If the school volunteering is making you feel stupid and miserable I would ditch it. You have no obligation to keep volunteering there and you could then try and find different volunteering which actually makes you feel good in yourself.

You could try doing a course to remind yourself you're not stupid? Maybe not something formal if time and money are short at the moment but there are loads of free online courses now in all sorts of subjects that don't give a qualification or anything but can make you feel you have used your brain.

Be kind to yourself though - I don't think many people's lives pan out exactly how they had envisioned.

JasperRising · 22/01/2020 18:17

For example these are free courses from the OU - www.open.edu/openlearn/free-courses/full-catalogue. The one I clicked on only needed 16 hours of study so you could do that for a bit instead of volunteering and then find a different volunteering role that doesn't make you feel crap.

Holymolymackerel · 22/01/2020 20:40

My degree was in economics and dh's masters was in politics.

Thank you for your reply. Those free courses do look interesting.

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