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Partner being difficult or am I wrong?

4 replies

McH79 · 22/01/2020 01:20

I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with my other half & have been since I had a baby 4 months ago. To cut long story short I do all feeds with baby through the night as she is breastfed, he sleeps in the spare room yet he doesn’t currently work or when he does it is from home, I do majority of everything and am absolutely knackered! He never check on us if he used the bathroom in the night or if she’s crying badly because of colic he’d never come and help. He says his sleep is needed to be able to help in the day....tonight I put the washing machine on at 10pm as spent all evening doing housework, his spare room is above it and when it was finishing up it was rattling the room & the car was meowing too. He went storming downstairs at half past midnight slamming doors and shouting, I was settling the baby back down and he storms into the room opens the door loudly and shouts at me For putting the machine on. The poor little one jumps and goes quiet as she’s scared (this has happened before with him shouting at me with her in my arms) he tells me off as he tells me he can’t sleep because of the machine and I calmy say I didn’t expect the cycle to be that long or that it would cause that much of an issue. I rarely put a wash ok so late, how was I supposed to know it would cause him so much trauma. He doesn’t care that I have a baby in my arms OUR baby, he slams the door and stomps back to his room Slams his door too. Literally says nothing to me about anything apart from this angry outburst. I can’t understand how anyone can do this whilst seeing his own daughter in her mother’s arms. This is just 1 example of his behaviour. Is this what other people would go mad at? Surely if he’s annoyed he shouldn’t take it out on me in this way? I’m sat shaking and unable to go back to sleep. I know now if I try to get help from him tomorrow with the baby he will complain that he’s not had enough sleep and it’s my fault.

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 22/01/2020 02:48

Leave him. He's of no use to you...not even working AND traumatising your child! Don't enable him. Your baby will be affected by this. It's abuse.

LEAVE him! He sounds vile.

lazyspoon · 22/01/2020 03:01

Doesn't work but needs sleep?! Sorry I may be missing the point but haven't you just carried a baby for 9 months and now seem to be doing everything 4 months later?! Sounds like trash to me, you'd be better off as a single parent. By the sound of your post he isn't bringing much value to anybody at all.

Pippinsqueak · 22/01/2020 04:12

I think you need a long talk with him.

I do all the night feeds as my one year old is breast fed but my husband at that age did the night time nappies whilst I sorted myself out.

Your partner needs to help in other ways during the day like make sure you have breakfast lunch and tea, make hot drinks, put the washing on, hoover etc especially as he's not working. We used to take it in turns to nap in the day too so maybe suggest this but make sure you get a longer sleep .

If he complains tomorrow just remind him that on top of doing all the night wakings, how much breastfeeding takes it out of you and he has to look after you for your baby's sake.

If he's still being a prick after that there's serious problems

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KellyHall · 22/01/2020 05:10

Agree you need to sit down and have a serious talk about your future and whether it involves being together. If so, big changes need to happen immediately.

Honestly though, I'd make your plan to leave before you have thw conversation so that you are confident enough to walk away if that's what's going to be best for you and your baby.

I gave my husband the ultimatum to be the husband and father this family deserves or he had to move out. He chose to stay and now works really hard for us but it could have gone the other way and I was prepared for that to happen too.

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