Is a substantial inheritance at a young age necessarily a good thing/

[ElderAve]

My parents were quite hard up when I was young but a later career change and some shrewd investments mean they are now very comfortable.

Dad often talks about managing IHT. I tell him I hope they live a long and active life and spend it all. They've helped us a lot through practical support e.g. with occasional childcare, have been very generous with things like paying when we go out for dinner, but we haven't had cash gifts from them and have never wanted them.

DH and I and my sister and her DH are comfortable enough now we're middle-aged and there is a certain satisfaction in having earned it ourselves (albeit life would be very different without the support network parents provided).

I don't pretend to understand all the ins and outs but Dad's latest plan is to leave his estate directly to the GC (maybe via a trust?), which is fine in that I don't particularly want or need it, but split between 4 DC they will each receive sufficient to buy a 4 bed detached in our area outright.

On the one hand that sounds marvelous, on the other, I wonder where your sense of achievement comes from if you have a silver spoon to that extent. It also bothers me how their future relationships could be equitable if one partner has brought so much.

I don't think I've explained it very well, but I just have an uncomfortable feeling that it is the last thing they need for future genuine success and happiness. A little leg up when starting out might be nice, but this goes far beyond that.

Children are currently teens, realistically will inherit before they're 30 if he goes ahead with his plan, unless they live to 100+!

Not much I can do about it though

You could discuss with your parents whether the money could be in trust until the DC are 30 (or any specific age) if that's better.

My brother and I were each gifted a substantial sum from our parents at the age of 25 that probably equated to roughly the sum the DC might be getting, maybe a bit less. It has certainly made life easier for us, but I must admit that at the time I felt less drive to achieve professionally because I knew that was available as a safety net. I had some anxiety anyway, and that money almost allowed me to retreat into myself and not push myself to overcome it in the same way I might otherwise have done. This lasted 3 or 4 years - I was still productive with my own small business but in an unconventional way that did not utilse my degree.

It's hard to know. I will never shake off the knowledge that I haven't earned that, and neither should I. I have donated a fair amount of it to charities. But at the age of 40 it has allowed me to be very comfortable, I invested shrewdly in buy to let property and now own 3 rental properties outright. I pride myself on doing the very best job as a landlord that I can and taking good care of tenants and renting out at fair prices, under market value, and never increasing the rent whilst any tenant is staying. I do 2 different jobs that I absolutely love, supporting others with disabilities and mental health concerns.

I am genuinely happy now, but you need a bit of maturity to handle cash gifts I think.

I must admit I have been careful in relationships and joint house purchases and am not the marrying type anyway. When I'm in a relationship we live according to joint means, I'm not a big spender anyway.

My question to you is I wonder if you are feeling some resentment that you might miss out on the usual chain of inheritance? I think it would be hard not to feel that, even knowing you want the very best for your children / nieces/ nephews.

No I genuinely don't want it. I can't think of anything I'd do with it other than help the children anyway. I honestly don't have any burning wants that I couldn't do anyway if I wanted to. I'm very happy with my standard of living as it is and wouldn't change anything. In terms of my own house, the only thing I might do in the next few years is move somewhere smaller!

Without knowing more about you and where you live, it is hard to say whether that sort of inheritance is outlandish. A pokey little flat in a not terribly nice area in London may buy a whole house somewhere else. If we see another rise in house prices, what is a huge sum now may not stretch as far once they receive it - I remember when flats for £400k ish were £100k (and everyone was horrified at how expensive they were at the time).

Similarly, a chunk of this money could (should?) go on some form of care for your parents if they need it. Friends whose parents do need this sort of care say that it gets expensive very quickly.

I do see what you mean about not wanting your children to be excessively privileged. However, even those who do experience some form of great luck will also experience some hardships too. Your children are very lucky to have this sort of inheritance coming their way.

My parents are wealthy, I am their only child and I have two children. Given the longevity of our family, it’s likely (Hopeful!) that my children will inherit as I’ll be in my 60 or even 70s by then and no need of it (DH and I both have good jobs).

Personally I think inheriting a reasonable amount in their 30s to buy a house won’t spoil them, it’s not like it’s millions but equally we live in Sydney and property prices are sky high so I’m pleased they’ll get a leg up.

Equally if it all goes on care, that’s fine because it’s important for people by and large to make their own way.