Who pays?

[Meltedicicle]

Friend has a dilemma. She wants a adults’ pizza making party for her 40th. Cost is £22 per person. It’s £5 per person deposit with the rest paid on the night. Who should pay? Should she pay for everyone or should each person pay for their own? She wants to know as it affects how many people she invites!

If you invite then the host pays. I find invites that expect people to pay rude.

A pizza making party for an adult is a strange choice though and I’d likely send a nice card back declining the invite.i thought those kind of parties were for children not adults so you learn something new every day.

Sounds like lots of fun. Generally people pay for themselves however, i would buy a round of drinks for my guests. Have fun

It sounds like the type of event where she'll end up paying for loads of people anyway as they would pay their £5 deposit and not bother turning up.

There isn’t any right answer to this. Depends totally on the circle of friends and social norms amongst them.
For me - I’d never invite friends to a party or dinner to celebrate my birthday and ask them to pay. I’d also never organise a pizza making event. I would also not be very interested in going to one but if it were a close friend I’d think she’d momentarily lost her marbles but would go to support her.

Sorry that's a crazy price! Pizza costs pennies

The person who does the inviting is the host and pays. If she doesn’t want to pay herself why dong you send a message to the group saying you’d like to organise something special for her, would anyone like to join you and you’ll split the costs evenly (I.e. you all end up paying for yourself plus your share of the birthday friends pizza making). Insane to want to cook on you own birthday though,

Host pays

I can't imagine inviting people to a birthday party and asking them to pay for themselves. I think if you can't afford the £22 per person then you should make your own pizza party at home.

I think it’s better if the host pays- but jf told upfront I’m fine paying. However I’m
Not fine paying £22 to make a pizza at pizza express sorry!

Either everyone on Mumsnet never celebrate their birthday/events or they are loaded. In lots of circles eg normal people it’s common for everyone to pay for themselves. We went to a cocktail making class for a friends 50th and we all paid for ourselves.

As long as she is clear on the invitation whether she will be paying for everybody or they have to pay for their own, the worst that will happen is a few raised eyebrows from people who would have done it differently.

It's when people turn up expecting to be paid for and then find out they have to cough up themselves that problems and offence might be caused.

It’s expensive for a ‘pizza’ but not really for a meal out: yes you could make a pizza for pennies at home but you could make anything cheaper yourself. Why bother going out anywhere in that case. I can buy a bottle of wine for the price of a glass in a bar!!
Plus what if you don’t have a big kitchen/oven or dining table? Not everyone lives in a large house with space for many guests.

Totally fine to invite people and make it clear they pay for themselves. Personally I'd ask them to RSVP by a certain date and then pay the deposit myself (and accept losing a few pounds when inevitably one or two don't turn up) just to make things easier.

Pizza and prosecco party sounds fun to me

I've been an done this at Pizza Express (in the WM too!).

I think it's fine for people to pay but going off piste - is she sure? 😬 we did it as part of a group I'm in as a night out - it was fun enough for a weekday night - but it's not really exciting enough for a 40th.

@Greyhound22 friend suffers terribly from migraines and I mean, terribly. It’s really limiting for her. Things I’ve done with other friends, clubbing in Liverpool, Dances, musical trips etc are out because of the flashing lights and she’s not a drinker so cocktail making etc is also out. She worries about being too far away from home in case she gets poorly. After the stress of the last few years I don’t think ‘exciting’ is what she is wanting. However she said one of her other friends went for someone else’s 40th and said it was fab. Tripadvisor reviews look good too.

In my circle of friends everyone would pay for themselves, and I'd be more than happy to pay for myself anywhere I went. However in DH's circle (not rich, just different culture), the birthday person pays for all and plans something within their budget. DH feels more strongly than I do, so if it was my birthday and we were inviting couples then we'd foot the entire bill.

OP I'm the same I don't like clubbing etc and she can do what she likes - I'm just saying it was a bit dry - no music and the host was perfectly nice but no very inspiring to be honest.

@Greyhound22 it won’t be dry with me there

I wouldn't go to anyone's party that was going to cost me a chunk of money. It's £22 but then you only get one drink so add the cost of drinks on top. Even with soft drinks its likely to be nearer £30. But it depends what usually happens in your circle. If the host normally pays then yes people might be a bit put out to find they have to pay, but if the guest normally pays their way on the other examples you mentioned then it's fine. I guess she just needs to be upfront about it.

If it was going out for meal with my group we would all expect to pay our share and cover the person whose birthday it was.

However, changing it to a pizza making party blurs that and she should pay as it's an activity she's decided on.

I would go to a pizza making party. Why not? It's a bit different. Don't listen to the miseries on here. I'd expect to pay for myself too.

I would expect to pay for myself if I was invited to such a party.

In my circles everyone would expect to pay for themselves. This would also be true in my husband's family who are all very well off.

I think that it is very usual to pay for yourself if you are having dinner for someone’s birthday. Just make sure it’s clear on the invitation.