Is it normal to lose ambition after having kids?

[SlothHouse]

I've only 1 DD, she starts school in September.

DP and I agreed that I will be primary caregiver and I've spent 2 or so years at home taking care of DD and have spent the the last year doing some on and off menial work.

When DD starts school I'd like to start a career but I don't know what or how.

I did 1 year at university and have decided not to continue with that. I've never used it but it's on my CV.

I feel like it's been difficult raising DD and being the housewife. My mental health has suffered a lot.

What are ways that I can find drive an ambition to actually do something with my life. I cant stay in a dead end job my whole life.

I don’t think it’s normal, no. I am far more ambitious after 2 dc than I was before. In part, because I know I have to achieve more in less time and because there is more at stake (dh earns a good salary but we couldn’t live the life we live without two incomes, so I have to work).

But I was only ever home full time for the first year. I would have found being a SAHP to be soul crushingly boring and depressing. I even struggled towards the end of May leave as it really affected my mental health no having something more purposeful to do with my time. If I’d done that for 4 years, I can completely understand why you feel the way you do.

As far as where do go next. What do you enjoy? What would you want to spend your days doing? I would start there and see what you can find. Just make sure you and dh build some flexibility into your work lives. I found it much easier to work when mine were in nursery. It’s harder when they are in primary school. There is more to do and more pressure on your time and it requires a lot more balance.

I found this to a degree. I loved having my 2dc at home as little ones, that probably tied into my being an early years teacher.

I childminded a little to earn some cash while my second was small. When they hit school I slowly returned to a school role but not teaching- assisting- and I love it. I have no ambitions to return to teaching as I like the balance I have now. This seems to surprise lots of people and occasionally I question my choices, but I always return to the balance and calm I have, whilst being busy 8 hires a day with people I like at work.

I couldn't not work at all, I have a lazy streak and know I'd watch too much tv etc which would be so bad for my mental health!

If your children are small I'd say don't chose yourself for this 'lack' - your life has gone through major upheaval. See how the cards fall in a few years, unless your ambition returns hugely, in which case- go for it!

I think there's no right or wrong, or normal. We're all different.

Chide yourself, not chose yourself

I'm feeling a bit like this. Been a sahm for 6 years and although it's been great to be around for kids, school holidays sick days etc, it's also been isolating and my confidence has definitely suffered.
I'm looking into volunteering, just a few hours a week to get back out there without the pressure of a job and to just meet people again! 6 years has been a long time and my social skills have definitely suffered, my motivation as well to be honest!
Maybe volunteering in an area you're interested in might help? That's what I'm hoping anyway

I've lost my ambition as I've reached my mid 30s and I don't have kids. A few of my childfree friends are the same. I wonder if it's also to do with getting a bit older and having worked for 15+ years.

I've never been hugely ambitious and am in a more vocational job but did lose my passion for it after having my first, particularly about a year back after maternity leave. The wind went out of my sails and I got a bit overwhelmed with caring for my child and I've just coasted. I've just had my second now and am wondering how I can find a better balance between home life and giving time to work. Ideally I'd retrain but I'm in a child friendly job and it doesn't seem financially feasible right now. There's no easy answers really :(

I studied while being a SAHM and then went straight into a grad program when my youngest started school (well a few months before but more or less the same time). I didn’t do it because I enjoyed it (I’m not unacademic but equally I have enough intellect to realise the undergrad degrees are a massive waste of time in terms of academic development and intellectual stimulation). I did it because I knew that ten years down the line we’d need to find an extra £70k a year for school fees and expecting my husband to do it alone was a big risk. Unless your husband is absolutely loaded I’m sure you can find a similar incentive. If you get a good job you might be able to afford private school/boarding school/tutors/to pay for university/buy your child a house etc where ordinarily you wouldn’t. Just pick a financial obligation and tie yourself to it.

I still aim to do an excellent job in what is a professional role, but I have turned down promotions and training opportunities that I would probably have taken pre-DC. my children aren't even small any more (primary and secondary age), but the fact that I know my job inside out means it takes up less head space, which makes home life so much easier.

I choose not to refer to myself as coasting or lacking ambition. I think there's a lot to be said for being very good at what you do, and I know that I am valued amongst colleagues as a very experienced member of the team.

@TheTurnOfTheScrew this is a good way of looking at things, I think where you are, is where I'd like to be.

Having children grew my ambition and I have promoted a few times since having my eldest. I figure that since I'm away from them working then I might as well try to get the most from it as possible.

However, and I cannot stress this enough, I work in a place where being part time does not hinder progression (I work 4 days) and that are very flexible and family friendly. I don't think I would have been minded to do it someplace where they expected 9-5 office hours chained to a desk.

My ambition has recently been slightly dented by a misogynistic arsehole of a manager but thats a whole other story.

For me it made me more ambitious, wanting to provide for my child and set a good example to him.
Before that I was an idle sod

Sorry just read your question. I meant when your youngest is 4. So for me that would have now for you.

I think it depends
I think personally I am more ambitious as I want to provide for my DCs and give them as many opportunities as I can