Hi, I've posted here for around a year. I first came looking for fertility information.
I'm 39, 40 this year, and it's dawning on me that I may in fact never have children.
This is sort of hitting me like a sledgehammer and I am in tears writing this.
I feel like a sort of useless, hopeless victim and I wonder if anyone can help me find some sense.
I had a relationship that ended eight years ago - my last one. I realise now that it was abusive. I spent the time after that giving myself security in the sense of work and my home. I then had a diagnosis which has taken me a while to recover from. I also withdrew from a difficult family situation, and had some mental health blips. And now the painful reality of how much I want a family has hit.
I am going on dates but the chances of me meeting a decent guy I feel connected with, building a life together, and having a baby, feel so remote.
I know there are never any guarantees whatever the time of life, but I just feel so lost. I really just want to love someone to be honest. I feel really broken. Does anyone understand this? When does it get better?
Thank you for reading.