Homework stand-off...(SN involved)

[BouncingOnATightrope]

DS10 is refusing to do his homework. Usually after a day of no screens, he caves around 5pm to get to watch something before supper. He's still holding out

He has a diagnosis of dyspraxia (and prob ADHD, ASD) I suspect dyscalculia too and will be assessed this year.

His homework is to:
Write down which numbers between 50 and 80.
Between 71 and 94.
The three largest numbers.
The three smallest numbers.

Write the numbers in the correct order on the number line.

I am stumped as to why he is so stubbornly refusing. Is is something to do with his dyspraxia and ordering? He says it's boring and he hates maths. He can count reliably to 100, knows what bigger/smaller means, has a 100- square in the table...

But why is he still refusing to do it?

Both my sons are autistic. One is obsessive about homework, does it as soon as he gets home on the day it is received and then hands it back in in it's due date, he won't hand it in early because that's not when it's due but he must complete it because that's the school rules. Other DS will absolutely not do homework because it is school work and school work belongs at school, not home. He has to keep his life in little compartments to help him deal with the million and one stresses he faces on a daily basis so will not tolerate any crossover between the compartments.

I would speak to school about his refusal, there are a few things that they can try. We did end up telling school that DS would no longer be participating in homework as entire weekends lost to meltdown after meltdown was having too much of a detrimental effect on our home life. He now misses assembly one morning a week and completes his homework then, hes happy to do it as its during school time where it belongs.

Yup, my autistic Ds spent years 7-8 happily doing homework in detention because school was school and home was separate.

He’s Year 11 now and I still struggle to get him to do more than 20 mins a day.

With my 2 (1 with dyspraxia and one with other SpLD) I usually find that point blank refusal means they don't know how to do it / are scared of not being able to do it. Only very rarely if ever has point blank refusal been stubbornness.

ordering is hard for my DD with dyspraxia

I don't care what 98% of MN says, I'd sit with my child and walk them through it. Do it together.

That doesn't work for all children though, TeenPlusTwenties.

Homework is a contentious issue anyway, the Ed Psych who goes into the school told me that studies have shown homework is of no value for younger children and that with older children it only improves attainment amongst high achievers.

My children hate homework, and the 6 year old who has SN goes into absolute meltdown over certain tasks. Academically he is where he needs to be in maths and exceeding in English. So He’s lucky as I’m sure they’d be on his case otherwise. Some weeks it gets done and some weeks it doesn’t. This is not their GCSEs, I do think forcing homework is setting up a hatred of learning and is not going to help at senior school. Even my NT child has gone through phases of refusal. You cannot make them learn. So far the school have said nothing to me about both their homework. For my ds I’m just glad he likes school enough to go everyday and participate. Every evening we have a very stressful winding down period from school. No one is getting any peace and quiet to learn.

I wouldn’t turn it into a battle and unless the teacher actually says something to you, pick your battles and celebrate achievements.

That should say children who are already high achievers

Hoik I know. I think if I had a child with ASD who compartmentalised I'd just not worry about the homework (or see if they'd do it at a school based homework club?).

I think more schools are becoming aware that even NT children don't want to do homework after a long day at school/wraparound care as more of the local schools are setting up homework clubs for it to be done there instead of at home.

For children with SEN then the school should have capability to do the homework during intervention time.

If he‘s holding out at this late stage I would not force it.

The meltdowns I had with dd (now 14, ASD) were legendary. It just isn’t worth it.

I also don’t think ‘sitting down with them and doing it with them’ necessarily works either. Not with anxiety. With my dc it was a case of ‘you are mum’ ‘you are not my teacher’ cue more stress.

With maths it’s so important that the work set is at the right level. Anything else is just pointless.

In fact all homework in primary is pointless. Just write on it - couldn’t start it and discuss with teacher.

With my dc it was a case of ‘you are mum’ ‘you are not my teacher’ cue more stress.

Ds is the same. Even with the subject dh teaches that Ds also wants to study at college it’s almost impossible to give him help.

Had similar here. DD1 has dyslexia and dyspraxia. Two and a half hours it took today (SATs rubbish). Most of it is frustration, part slow processing and part procrastination.

She's as bright as a button until it has to be written down, so frustrating all round.

From an adhd perspective, I probably wouldn't have done it because it was stupid/ boring. I actually loved maths and was a high achiever, but would only do stuff that was either interesting/ challenging and worthy of focus, or could be done with 1% concentration.

Luckily at 10 we didn't get homework, but I remember copying answers from a classmate for similarly pointless (imo) classroom exercises I hadn't done. Not through lack of understanding, just lack of motivation.

My DS11 has asd and adhd and we have had this battle many times. I've tried many things over the years but one that works for him is to set the timer for say 20 mins or less if needs be. Whatever he hasn't done after that doesn't get done, sometimes with him he feels overwhelmed by looking at it.

I'm guessing it's fear. Can you do something similar with him but in a way that suits him so maybe right them out and he highlights them etc, that often works here too.

Write

He did it in the end... after he had got ready for bed. Then expressed annoyance that it was too late to have screen time. He did I admit it wasn't worth it. I keep telling him if he makes such a huge fuss about doing easy stuff, the teachers aren't going to give him anything harder until he shows he can do it. Right now they think he can't do it, rather than won't so keep giving him more of the same.

He isn't supposed to have homework at the weekend, but he does nothing in maths lessons at school and if he hasn't done anything then it comes home at the weekend.

I suggested highlighting on a number square. I suggested writing the numbers in order at the beginning so he could read the answers off a line. I wondered if it was the writing (he finds it hard to write, has large handwriting and sometimes panics when he thinks he can't write the answers inside the box given.) so wrote out the questions on the iPad.