Um...I'm 47...what do I do with my life?

[Absolutelynoclue]

Namechanged.
Been on mn for over 10 years.
I'm in a bit of a mid life crisis I think!
Been a sahp for years with the odd bit of pt work thrown in between dc.
5 year gap between dc as multiple mc so ds2 was a lovely surprise but I'd just gone back to work...
I've had some chronic ill health since I was early 20s (cfs/fibro) wh9ch has made life unpleasant at times.
But since I turned 40 things have really gone to shit.
Multiple bereavements, emergency ops for me and dc2, continued ill health, the horror of peri menopause which has been unusually severe (according to my gp - for which I'm struggling to find a treatment that works), several injuries like broken bones, torn achilles tendon etc, dealing with my elderly frail mum. We arent close. But I'm her POA and the only one of my siblings that bothers with her.
Dh has had promotions in that time that have meant a move to a different area and lots of long haul travel.
He's away again atm.
He is now away at least once per monrh long haul so 7-12 days each month.
He's great when here though. As I expect him to be!
I dunno.
It feels to me that I've spent the whole of my 40s being ill (sometimes very), having ops/proceedures, dealing with the loss of my beloved dad, the loss of many other close relatives, helping nurse my terminally ill aunt, looking after the 2 dc and all that goes with that (ds2 has had lots of ill health too but seems much better now..)
I'm a proactive type so in the past few years have become very involved in local voluntary work. To the point where I now run some groups.
I'm proud of what I've achieved from nothing.
Dh is very supportive of my work (when he is here obv!)
Since end of 2019 I'm supporting a friend who has left and abusive relationship which has probably been more stressful than I realised.
Sadly I'm now suffering from a condition which is affecting my eyesight which is caused by stress.
It's horrible.
I'm struggling to read atm so pleaee forgive any typos!! :)
Something has to give.
I know that.
But I hate letting people down.
AND I've been approached about a pt paid role which is basically perfect for me - except I'm struggling with my responsibilities now as it is :(
We don't need the money which is very fortunate.
We are frugal - we have been a single income family for years so although the money would be lovely its not necessary to keep the house running iyswim?
I don't mind not having luxuries like take aways/meals out/designer stuff. Has never bothered me. Nor dh.
So why do I feel so pointless and useless and tired?
Its like...
Oh! Great! A perfect job!
here you go, have a serious eye condition!
I suppose I feel like I should be able to deal with all this but I obv can't.
Thats reeally hard for me to admit :(
Do any ofyou hsve any advice?
Do I just soldier on?
Thanks

Hi Absoloutely. I spotted your post - I noticed it was written back in January but just wondering how you are doing because I am in a similar position (without the job offer).

I appreciate covid has come along, and interrupted things but just wanted to say we are a similar age and in a similar place. Currently, I have health worries, that's no. 1 to sort out but like you, I think I'm having a bit of a mid-life crisis.

Hi I'm similar, two young teens mid 40s, have health problems too and lots of surgeries leaving me with chronic pain and possible fibro. I'm getting some ESA but they will review that shortly which is not fun and would like to be able to do something. I'm qualified too, have a teachers PGCE bit not keen to return to that

Hi Orangeblossom. I think covid has given us time to reflect a bit. I'm getting a sense of what I don't want to do rather than something definitive I do want to do. Have often wondered about teaching. I'm not going to do a PGCE now but I've always imagined teaching to be rewarding. But then again I know a couple of teachers who have had time out and decided to return as teaching assistants. I've just sort of drifted from office job to office job (not saying there is anything wrong with that) but money is no longer an incentive. Menopause is looming and I don't think that has put me in a positive frame of mind either. I'm experiencing some existential depression I think as well as hormonal problems. I'm on a waiting list to see a psychotherapist when lockdown eases, I feel like I need some help unravelling all of this (but dread the thought of future expense of therapy).

The thing is with teaching is it is more responsibility (and pastoral care) for children and for some of us when you also have your own, it is no 'break' in the way that some jobs are. It's more of the same kind of emotional giving / load. I quite fancy something like candle making but can;t see that paying much!

Who's telling you that you have an eye condition caused by stress? I'm an optometrist and I don't know of any.

Orangeblossom, I understand what you are saying about emotional overload. When I think about the majority of teachers at dcs primary school, they either have no children or grown up children. That's not to say all the teachers but the majority. I think some of those teachers have energy because as you say, there isn't more of the same waiting at home for them.