How much money would you want to have saved to have a baby on your own?

[GoodSandy]

I’m coming up for 30 and never had any luck dating wise. I’ve had some therapy and she suggested making a list of things I would improve my life with, but the only thing I want is children of my own. I do not want to adopt or foster.

I have decided that I will really start saving and go for IVF when I’m 35. I’m so fed up of paying memberships to clubs and classes I don’t get anything from. Ditto dating apps.

The good thing about my job is that I would get 9 months’ paid maternity leave. My mum is desperate to be a granny so God keep her safe, I would be able to use her for childcare. Obviously I’ll need a Plan B for childcare just in case.

So.... how much would you feel is necessary to have behind you?

Well, it depends on so many other things, mainly what your other financial commitments are (rent, mortgage, bills) plus whether you would go back to work full time. Your DM might be able to help with childcare in the short term but you will need it to some extent for 10+ years by which time things could have changed significantly. Then once you're past the childcare days the cost of food rockets, they possibly pick up expensive hobbies, need adult size clothes and shoes, the cost does go on and on.

How much of this is what you want and how much is coming from pressure from your mother? I've seen this before and it doesn't lead to good decisions for the person concerned.

There's no harm in saving money towards a 5 year goal, but I'd unpick any issues in the relationship with your mother at the same time - they'll be more pronounced with a baby in the picture.

What is your current position? Are you a homeowner? Do you have a large or small mortgage? Do you plan to have your baby in nursery on return to work? Do you want your baby to be privately educated? What is your income and will this change?

Got this off moneysupermarket.com

You'll need 10-15k for IVF alone.

It's one of those questions that's hard to answer.... Depends on outgoings and what money you have left over currently. If you currently have over £1k left each month you don't need to save for time after maternity leave...(full time childcare near us costs this at full rate).. Just the leave and a nice emergency find.
Paid maternity leave? That can be anything from statutory to full pay..and that effects how much need to save.. . I got 100% for 6 weeks and 50% rest (plus no deduction in other benefits like car allowance) so my pay didn't actually come out much different as lower tax.
You need to find out how much childcare is in your area and do the calcs for either part time (with help from your mum) or full time cover

Those figures from moneysupermarket do not include childcare.

Oh, it's nothing to do with my mum. I want a baby.

I am a homeowner with a decent mortgage, but plenty to live on each month. Currently on 40k PA, but promotion isn't really what I want just now. Not bothered about private education. Ideally mum would keep a baby until nursery funding kicked in.

You'll need 10-15k for IVF alone.

Donor insemination is much cheaper. IVF would be a last resort.

I don't think savings are important. The income capacity to afford to bring up a child is more important- and you seem to have that.

I wouldn't wait- likely to be cheaper and easier at 30 than 35.

You use the word baby a lot.
Have you thought about what it will be like when they are a 15 year old?

I also agree if you have enough money left over you shouldn't leave till 35

I would have to pay for donor insemination and even if I was in a relationship, would have saved up a little just in case. I've just replaced my boiler and carpets, which has dented my savings. Also still holding onto the remote chance that I might meet someone and be able to have a relationship.

Have you thought about what it will be like when they are a 15 year old?
Well, yes and no. I have a two bedroom flat in an area with good schools. Once they were at school, I would have enough money left over for clothes, phones etc (obviously God willing we all are in good health etc).

@Pipandmum does the pink and blue signal boys and girls? Why should a girl cost more in clothing for the baby/toddler years can understand teenagers but for at that age surely that’s just parent choice to be spending on more on outfits or whatever.

I do think some of those figures can be made lower if you are more money conscious.

I agree to go for it now rather than save. Babies and small children can be relatively cheap, it's when they're older that more needs to be spent on them. I'd budget for childcare as we didn't thinking we'd get grandparent help and now it's all falling through a bit we suddenly have to pay for it despite me not working some weeks (0 hour contract, hopefully going up next month 🤞) but by the sounds of it your wage should be more than enough.

Babies are cheap. Childcare is expensive if using a nursery etc but costs dip a little as they get older. Once they're in school it's a bit more tricky (I've found) as there's school holidays to cover rather than more straight forward full time care, so needs some decent organising. Remember your mum might struggle full time with an on the go toddler, even if in good health. Certainly my PIL have, late 60s, providing full time childcare for their other grandchild.

The older kids get, the more expensive, I've found.

I'd get some nursery costs and opening times. The issue we had was getting to/from nursery with a commute. Also check your maternity policy so you know what your income might be.

Do you plan on going back to work full time? Would your mum really be happy to look after the baby 5 days a week, 10 hours a day? My mum loves my DS and loves looking after him but she certainly wouldn't want to be doing a massive amount of childcare like that.

You do need a backup childcare plan, in case your mum is ill, or wants to go on holiday at different times to you etc or simply doesn't want to do it full time, it is a huge commitment. Nursery is expensive but at least its easy in the sense that they cover the while working day, 50 weeks a year or whatever. School is when it gets complicated, 13 weeks holiday, 9-3.30ish day. If you are in a town or city there are likely to be plenty of holiday clubs but they're not cheap and don't always cover the whole working day. Then there's INSET days, school plays and assemblies etc, these are where your mum could be a great help.

I'd agree with cracking on if you're going to do it though, your mum will be 5 years older by the time you are 35 and may be less
able to help out. Does she live fairly close by?

I would have to go back to work full time, yes. Mum is only ten minutes away from me.

This isn't the right time for me money wise. I wouldn't want to go it alone without a good bank of savings behind me, especially if Mum couldn't/didn't want to have them all week.

I was in a similar position. I was online dating and hating every minute of it, and finally gave myself permission to give up. I realised I didn't want a partner but I did want a baby. This all started when I was about 36. I had various treatments over about three years and my daughter was born on my 40th birthday. She's almost 15 months.

I had a decent financial cushion (almost a year of salary post treatment costs) and my mum is amazing when it comes to childcare. If you want to PM me I am more than happy to chat about it.