Hidden credit card

[theremustbeaomethinginthewater]

Me and DH have been married a year, together for four, one young DS and another due this spring.

I have a credit card that DH has occasionally asked about, but I've always played down how much is on there.

I also have two overdrafts from when I was a student, and recently we were talking about doing a balance transfer to get them paid off. They total £4k and DH knows about both of them.

We both work full time, good jobs, good income together.

DH often questions when I spend money, how much, and what on, how much have I got left for the month etc etc. It drives me nutty. As a consequence, I've played down the credit card but over the last year (including wedding and honeymoon costs, clothes here and there, odd weekly shops etc) it's racked up steadily to £2,500. My monthly wage is slightly less than this. Annoyed that I let it happen.

I can't pay it back this year as will be on maternity, but paying a little bit each month, and then was going to start chipping away at it the year after. Not at all concerned about it, and haven't used it since end of honeymoon in August.

Anyway, today, an hour before we were due to leave for a family event, DH said he had gone into my phone, checked my online banking app, and has seen that I have amassed this money he didn't know about. He is really angry, says it's unforgivable, a huge betrayal.

I should have told him what I spent, I know that, but I didn't want him to worry about it (he has debts of his own and we factor these into our outgoings and still live relatively comfortably), I was going to deal with my own debts myself over the next few years.

We are now at family event, he isn't really looking at me or talking to me, but I know I'm in for a really hard conversation tonight. Really scared, worried he will leave me. :(

So his debt is paid from the joint money? But you are paying your own?

DH often questions when I spend money, how much, and what on, how much have I got left for the month etc etc. It drives me nutty. As a consequence, I've played down the credit card but over the last year (including wedding and honeymoon costs, clothes here and there, odd weekly shops etc)

What does he 'let' you spend money on??? Why are you paying for weekly shops and wedding costs?

He is being melodramatic. I month wage on a credit card isn't so bad. You seem to be on a good wage so the other 4k should clear easily too.

But why were you keeping it a secret?

You take home 2.5k and have the same on a credit card - I don’t think that’s a big deal personally 🤷‍♀️

What is a big deal is:

1. He accessed your online banking - I would be furious it’s controlling

1. His debt is paid out of your joint income but he berated you for having your own debt

1. He nags you about your spending patterns.

He sounds controlling and bordering on financially abusive.

How do finances usually work? Is all money family money? Or do you have your own spends? On what you’ve said I’m not convinced your DH is a nice man.

Debt does not equal poor credit. Some jobs do credit CHECK (credit scores are a meaningless marketing tool), to check no court judgements as a risk assessment. OP did not say she wasn't servicing her debt.*

Not quite. If you work in financial services it doesn't matter if you are servicing the debt, large amounts do raise a flag. I once tried to hire a PA who failed the vetting because she had large credit card debt.

I'm more concerned why you felt the need to hide it from him ?,