Advice needed husbands affair but he won’t move out. Do I have any rights?

[PurpleStars2]

I wonder if anyone can help me.

A week prior to Xmas I found some text messages that seemed to imply husband of 17 years was having a EA. Due to the timing of it I took him back. On Xmas Eve he came clean to me and our 2 kids that it was a affair but they hadn’t slept together but he was leaving me to be with her, she is also married with children and she also ended her relationship that night.

I’ve excepted my marriage is over, the kids have not taken it well. At the moment he is still living with us but the atmosphere is toxic. He goes out to see her every night and has dropped all his responsibilities towards the kids so I’m having to do absolutely everything. The way he speaks to me is absolutely disgusting it’s clear there is clear hatred towards me despite me trying to remain amicable as I don’t want to live in this environment.

I own a much greater share in our property. Between us we have agreed a settlement figure for me to buy him out. He wanted to move out ASAP.

I’ve started the ball rolling on that and instructed solicitors. The plan was for me to buy him out so me and and the children could continue living here until I find out what secondary school the eldest gets then that will decide where we need to move to, to downsize as we can’t afford to live here long term.

However he came home last night and dropped the bombshell that he’s now changed his mind and wants to continue living here, instead of renting like he originally planned. He has already found somewhere to rent.
Hes had a chat with the other woman and she doesn’t agree with renting, they now want to buy somewhere together.

The other woman isn’t in the position to move out to buy somewhere else with my husband at the moment so they both want to continue living in their marital homes until the time is right, he’s given me a approximate timeframe of about a year but apparently it could be more.

I physically can’t live with him anymore, me and the kids are absolutely miserable they want him gone as much as I do. If he was being civil towards us that would be one thing but he’s not he is making our lives a misery. I just want to move on with my life but I can’t with him here.

I’ve not taken legal advice as up until yesterday we had agreed a settlement and maintenance and everything was sorted.

Can anyone advise me on if I have any rights here to get him out?

In terms of day to day activity, he is for all intents and purposes a lodger. He will have his own room, own food, own laundry, etc. and will have his own household within the OP's household.

And I didn't say an affair is grounds for an occupation order, I said that there are specific criteria for requesting one and that he would need to have been abusive or is currently being abusive.

she is also married with children and she also ended her relationship that night.

*Hes had a chat with the other woman and she doesn’t agree with renting

The other woman isn’t in the position to move out to buy somewhere else with my husband at the moment so they both want to continue living in their marital homes until the time is right, he’s given me a approximate timeframe of about a year but apparently it could be more. *

Sounds like he's well and truly chucked. I would very, very much doubt a woman 'ended her relationship' with her husband and father of her kids on Christmas Eve and even if she did she's back in it now and has no intention of leaving her marriage. He's being completely strung along - take solace, OP, in the fact that he will certainly not be waltzing off into the sunset with his new woman. Don't say that to him though - you want him to think he's got the upper hand for now and you want him out of your house.

If he's verbally abusing, intimidating and bullying the OP, then there's your grounds for an occupation order.

Can you raise money to buy him out?

Just be aware, after a long marriage, your share does not count as it is deemed joint and therefore if it went to court, 50:50 more likely.

A divorce will take 6 months, at best so what happens if all the paperwork signed then, will he stall until a year? I guess the ow's husband has moved out so she is not in the same horrendous situation as you and him.

Btw,the hating you is a defence mechanism to hide his own behaviour. You have to become a terrible person for him to treat you badly.

I am trying my best to be amicable in all this, I'm constantly biting my tongue and rising above it.

I've not bitten once but it's very difficult as he will no longer get into any discussion with me at all. Actually he pretty much ignores me and to a extent the kids as well. That's when he's in, he spends a lot of time out with her but he doesn't tell me his plans or when he's back. He doesn't parent at all or help with anything.

In terms of all the finances possessions maintenance and all that we have agreed to that luckily before he started ignoring me.

Things were amicable for a week or so and I was continuing doing cooking and laundry but that stopped as soon as his attitude towards me changed.

Time to talk about parenting and who is doing what and when.
Put it as getting into a routine so it can be replicated once you are under separate roofs so as to have minimal disruption to DC’s.

I'm in the same situation & it's utterly shite. I told him things were over in November & he has delayed/stalled.

Had solicitor led mediation & it was a waste of time as he refused to compromise.

He is now saying he'll buy me out, and take over the care of the DC whilst I live elsewhere. FFS.

So we're under the same roof & he skulks round his room like a teenager.

We're in Scotland & the law is different here.

Hang in there!

Makemine that's utter shit, what is it with these sulking men. Mine seems to be in a permanent mood as if he's here he's not with her.

He went out yesterday at 2pm, didn't say he was going out to me or the kids and came back at 1:45am. How hard is it to say I'm going out don't expect me back? It's the lack of respect that really gets me and the kids backs up.

His brother popped in to see me and the kids last night, he's not happy the way we have been treated so he's coming over tonight to try and get husband to talk to me about things and try and make him see sense. If anyone can get through to him he can.

Hey OP I wouldn't expect him to be telling you where he is going or when he's back. It shouldn't matter to you. He's as good as a lodger. What would you do differently if you knew he was coming back at 8pm vs 3am? You're not cooking for him, doesn't matter.

Stay strong, do what you need to do.

I think this ow will end it with him. I have never in my life heard of the ow being happy for her new fling to continue living in the same house as his family. Never ever.

It’s all good for him to go out, but what if you had plans as well?
Parenting plan required