Why did you want a child?

[Daisylemonade]

I had a really unhappy childhood. We were materially comfortable but my parents had nasty tempers and for most of the time were caustic, sarcastic and irritable, not hesitating to humiliate in public.

I think in a perverse sort of way they did love us but didn’t really understand children or teens very well.

Because of the above I’ve never had enough confidence to pursue a relationship and am still single. I’d love a child, though.

Is it wrong to have a child to give them what you couldn’t experience? What are the ‘right’ motives to have a child?

Not wrong, no. I think many of us get healing from re-writing our childhood story with our own children.

But you really do need to do the emotional work to understand your own past, and loose its hold on you before you have children.

My late father had a terrible childhood and I really believe that is why he and my mum had a large family of their own. He wanted to give us all what he never had. And he was a fantastic loving father, although he certainly didn't always get things right.

He was of a generation when people didn't talk about their feelings, and I do wish he could have had proper help to recover from his childhood because I think he smothered us a bit with love, exerting more control than maybe he should have, and it would have been helpful for all of us if he had been more encouraging of us to grow up and move on. He loved us through and through though, and was extremely gentle.

Thank you, he sounds like a great dad isabelle

DD is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Having her has made me realise how flawed my childhood was. It’s made me a better parent because I know what not to do. I get sad sometimes when I think about my childhood but it has only had a positive effect on how I am as a Mum. If anything I worry I am maybe a bit too overprotective!

Who your parents are does not define who you will be as a mother yourself.