I lost my mum in horrific, sudden, unexpected circumstances in September 2018.
Following on from that I suffered hugely with anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia and agoraphobia. I was put on a cocktail of Diazepam, Sertraline and beta blockers which helped while I sought some counselling to sort myself out.
I've been fine up till now.
Over Christmas just gone I found myself starting to suffer from anxiety again. It started off mildly with a few fluttery feelings and breathlessness - now I am having full anxiety attacks, I'm not sleeping again (have had an hours sleep in 3 days) and I'm irritable and frightened.
Spoke to my GP this morning (whilst crying) and he gently suggested I went back on the Sertraline again, he's lovely and spoke through it all with me. I've already picked up my prescription.
But for some reason, I'm terrified and very annoyed at myself.
I've overcome this once already, why now am I starting to struggle again 
I try my hardest to be strong and to just get on with things, but honestly I have just crumbled today.
I really don't know why I'm still suffering the effects of something that happened 2 years ago, I can't understand it in my head and I wish I could cope with it better.
No one around me knows that I'm starting to suffer again, I mask it quite well and I feel almost ashamed to have to admit defeat and say 'no, I can't cope with it right now'
I'm just ranting and lack of sleep may make this post incoherent, but I needed to get it out of my system because I don't feel I can tell anyone.
I don't want my partner, family and friends to worry about me.