DS, 5, refuses to accept Dad’s third girlfriend

[Lunalady21]

My ex and I split up 4 years ago we share a five year old son. I’ve have since been in a relationship and am expecting a baby in a months time. My ex is on his fourth relationship and our son isn’t happy to be around his new partner.
With each relationship his father has had he’s been told he has new brothers and sisters been forced to sleep at their houses and is now point blank refusing to go to the recent girlfriends house or even spend time with her. I can’t say I blame him as there’s no stability whatsoever in his dads relationships always breaking up and getting back together then moving onto a new one!
He called me several times to ask for support and I asked him to spend his time (one night a fortnight) alone with our son and just give him time. I’ve also spoken to my son and asked why he doesn’t like her so much and why he refuses!
My ex hasn’t seen our son since Xmas day now and hasn’t even contacted him. Obviously my five year old is upset but I refuse to chase his dad and force him to have a relationship with his son when he keeps putting these women first. My son has more than enough love and stability with me and my partner but he’s absolutely heartbroken about his dad .. what the hell do I do 😫

I don't think there is anything you can do?
Your ex obviously chooses not to be a good or even ok Dad.

You do nothing. If his dad wants a relationship with DS then he'll make the effort. If not, he may be better off without so much inconsistency

You have a very smart five year old son. He must take after his mother. Follow his lead.

Inconsistent should be his middle name .. as I said previously he sees him once a fortnight (his choice not mine I'm more than happy for him to see him everyday if he wanted to) and he's even cancelled that! Not to mention last minute changes of plan when I've had to cancel adult weekends away nights out and the rest of it which I obviously don't mind I'd rather have my son home and safe but it's like he does it to get to me! Thankyou ladies, I think I will just keep Mum until he decides to grow up and be a dad!

Oh I spent years trying to get my ex to step up and be a consistent, engaged parent. Finally gave up after 12 years and wouldn’t you know, as soon as I stopped pushing he stopped seeing them. Hasn’t seen them in almost 3 years. It’s been bliss. DC have stability now and no emotional turmoil worrying whether he will turn up or how he will treat them.

My advice- stop chasing him. His parenting is his responsibility. Your DC is available for contact- that’s all you have to do. It’s up to him to actually come and have the contact and to make it contact the DC benefits from.

Our social worker made it clear that fixing the relationship between my ex and our child was not my responsibility. I can’t tell you how much better life has been since I embraced that philosophy. I’ll never stand in the way of them seeing each other but now I don’t take responsibility for persuading one of them to see the other one!

In all honesty it would be bliss for us if he just stopped .. my son comes home right out of routine and dead upset and it takes a few days for him to fall back into routine! Off one bloody night with the idiot!
I don’t interfere with his relationships and I just advised he see DS on his own being as he doesn’t see him that often and he thinks that’s interfering 🤔 I honestly couldn’t give a shit what he gets Upto and he kept saying I’m just worried when your baby arrives DS will hate it! My DS is so excited for this baby he’s constantly kissing my belly rubbing it talking to it and what not we all can’t wait he’s gonna be such a beautiful big brother .. seriously his loss if he decides to stay away and my bloody gain. So many strong ladies on these threads it’s inspiring and keeps me going at times!

I spent years telling my DC that they were wrong in feeling upset, their dad left me and not them and he was still equally their other parent. Then I realised what they were saying was because of what he was showing them, he was seeing them, but they came third place behind newGF and his mum. They can't see him as an equal parent as he doesn't choose to be.

Your 5 year old doesn't need a pretend-parent when he has you.

he kept saying I’m just worried when your baby arrives DS will hate it!

Worries? Or hopes?

Given how little he sees his son and interacts with his son, he knows sweet bugger all about the child and how he's likely to react - and in any event, that is neither his business nor his problem.

His mother will manage the relationship between her two children, perfectly well. Good thing he's got one damned fine (and consistently present, involved, and puts her child first) parent, ay?