anyone else really panic / heart race etc when faced with even the slightest confrontation

[Rollon]

I avoid confrontation so hardly ever need to face it. However very recently I have had a couple of confrontations - all calm, no crazy shouting arguments or anything. The person was very calm however my body went into a complete mess - my heart was racing at a million beats a seconds and I became very hot and dizzy. It's the speed at how my body reacted that was astonishing. My heart just went from zero to crazy as soon as they said I need to speak to you and I knew what is was about.

The same thing happened about on a nother occasion recently.

Doea anyone else do this! I don't understand why I can't be relaxed and deal with it calmly. I don't understand why my physical sensations and reaction is so intense.

Yes. And it makes things like job interviews a hundred times worse (even though they are not confrontations). I envy people that don’t get this. I would have been terrible as a guest on the Jeremy Kyle show if I went on it, I wouldn’t have been able to speak even if I was the one in the right.

Me too.
But outwardly I'm very good at maintaining a calm exterior, so you wouldn't realise how stressed I am. I only start showing stress when it's very high over an extended period.
So probably lots of other people who you're admiring for staying calm are as panicked as you.

I do but I somehow seem calm to everyone around me. I’m a teacher in a college so unfortunately confrontations are part of the parcel. I had a teenager confront me a few weeks ago because he hadn’t heard me thank him for opening the door. He was so rude and aggressive plus about a foot taller than me but I stayed calm on the outside (inside my heart was thumping like hell).

Me too. Everyone thinks im really calm and laid back but even silly facebook or anonymous forums if someone starts to argue with me i get panicky and my heart races and i feel sick. Is so silly. If someone says "i have to talk to you" my heart goes mad and i feel like im going to keel over. Then when what they want to talk to me about turns out to be something stupid like, can you put the bins out tomorrow i feel pissed off for being such a sap.

I can tell when my body is getting stressed as my kidneys ache something terrible.
All to do with the adrenal glands I think.

Yes. My hands shake and my voice goes trembly. If I think a confrontation is likely (if I get an email for example that sounds even a bit pissed off, or even doesn’t sound pissed off but is saying something I know I am going to have to disagree with) I get a cold feeling, my heart races and my stomach drops. My whole instinct is to ignore or put off dealing with it, which usually makes things worse.
I don’t know why and it is annoying. My parents used to argue quite a lot and I wonder if it stems from that. It’s the same with public speaking for me though, recently I just had to introduce myself to a group standing in front of them and my legs were so weak I had to sit down.

And going bright red in the face as well doesn't help.

What was your experience of confrontation or conflict as a child? It may be linked.

Yes, definitely. Can hide it apart from shaking voice and hands (so in other words, I probably can't hide it). Then guaranteed I won't sleep properly for a couple of nights.

SameOldHorrorStory omg, I get really really nervous at interviews too and hate them. Do you think we see them as a confrontation on a subconscious level?!

I'm the same. It's more of a British thing I think

Urkiddingright that's awful! I would be a terrible teacher as the kids would walk all over me!

GeePipe exactly! If someone just says "can I have a word" or to that effect , I suddenly get really panicky and worried like as though I'm going to be in trouble. I'm like that with my appraisals at work too.

I have this. I was taught never to confront anyone as a child so perhaps that's it. Not sure what to do about that really.

I also hate confrontation and feel sick when someone says "can I talk to you for a minute".
I have no solution but a PP mentioned childhood experiences.
My mother is/was extremely disapproving and would express disapproval by not speaking. I actually don't remember this happening as a child but as an adult (when I was an adult) she didn't talk to me once for weeks. My sister referred to it before so I know it's true.

Anyway this has left me with a huge aversion to being disapproved of. I hate to think that I have done something someone will disapprove of and will follow what I've been told to do even if something else makes more sense. It gives me such an awful feeling in my stomach

Oh my DM would also make snippy comments so I'd know she disapproved of someone else. She wouldn't talk to us.

Ilovesausages thinking about it now, I avoided confrontation as a child too. I was a very scared child, very quiet and tried to keep out of sight.

My dad was very very angry and shouty and would scream alot at my mum and us kids for no reason like breathing the wrong way or something so you'd never know what might trigger him into a rage.

JaneDarcy I think you're right. We're afraid of disapproval / anger from our parents /!adults in our lives and I think we've been programmed to just react line that automatically. What the hell do we do to change this!!

Rollon I really don't know! Perhaps some assertiveness books/podcasts?
My DH looks incredulously at me sometimes when I say "maybe we shouldn't do this or that in case (random stranger) doesn't like it" . He is not a people pleaser. But he's very sure of himself, calm, principled
So maybe we need to think "what do I stand for? What matters to me?"
People respect those who are confident and firm. They actually don't respect people pleasers!

Yes me I always think I'm a big chicken. I do great at work (nurse) in emergencies, stay nice and calm get things done. But god forbid you shout at me and acuse me of anything (unless you are one of my mental health patients I do fine with them) Please don't ask me for complex answers on the spot, I blush, I get flustered, I even get the chin wobble like I'm going to cry. I'm a mess.
I even cried in the headmasters office when I went in to ask him to get my Ds moved to another class, scared the shit out of the head. He jumped up, went to his secretary and had Ds moved immediatly. Turns he does like crying women.

I'm like this, confrontation makes me feel sick. It's the thought of it mostly, I'm quite a nippy sweet and I'll reply instinctly if spoken to but if it's not instinctive I clam up. I hate not being able to stand up for myself, even if I know I'm right. Dh is the opposite, he can stand up to anyone. His mum was like that I think he gets it from her. My mum was more like me.

On here, if I'm having a disagreement with someone I actually can't sleep for thinking about it, which is daft as we're all anonymous here.

Yep, exactly the same. If anyone wants a word, or any perceived threat of potential confrontation, and I immediately get hot and dizzy, feel sick, dry mouth etc. And like another pp, if it's in an email it just makes me avoid it, which tends to make things worse!

I think mine stems from crippling self esteem, so I'm always expecting the worst somehow. No confrontation issues in my childhood, it was positive in that regard, but my mum is very similar to myself so I clearly have followed her model subconsciously. I hate it!!!

I'm exactly the same, I'm glad I'm not the only one!

I was reprimanded by a waitress recently in a cafe. I silently got up and walked out but felt really angry inside! I fantasised all day about going back and giving her a piece of my mind!

Yes, it's called the "amygdala hyijack" - fight or flight response and totally normal. The short answer is it causes an out of proportion reaction to a stimulus. If you can recognise this is happening it helps to pause for 6 seconds after it is triggered and just breathe and then the chemicals will dissipate and you can function again.