Just one more time

[Memoriespast]

I can’t talk about this in real life. My husband died a few years ago completely unexpected. I think I have coped well since but some nights I struggle- like now. I don’t want anyone else- I am used and quite like my own company now but in the dead of night when I turn over in bed - I just miss that feeling of being loved. No one will ever tell me they love me again or cuddle me or understand our stupid sayings. He will be forever young as I get older and I miss him so very very much.sometimes I just dream he is here for just one last perfect night then I wake up. I am not depressed just bitter sometimes - we had so many plans for our retirement after the hassle and stress of married life and bringing up kids- it was going to be our time.

That sounds very lonely, having feelings of loss and being unable to speak about them.

I think it’s very hard to lose someone you love, you lose their presence in your future.

I'm so sorry.
Can I recommend a book on Audible?
Just Me by Sheila Hancock talks with wit and warmth about how she found contentment after losing her husband, John Thaw.

It might be of interest to you.

I feel the same as you OP, it's so very hard

My family and friends are lovely - I am fine during the day. We talk about him often. It’s just some nights the realisation hits me that that part of my life is over. I knew how much I was loved and I think it’s a sadness that I will never feel that bond again. I am going to name change in the morning - I don’t know why after 7 years it hit me tonight...think it’s because it’s a new decade and lots of reflection. Thank you for replying .

I wonder whether you might consider some bereavement counselling? Cruse are generally very good.

I'm sorry OP. Life sucks some times

I think the feelings you describe are entirely appropriate in your circumstances. It is sad, it is lonely (in this middle-of-the-night, just-the-two-of-you, intimate way) and I think it’s absolutely ok to feel that, and want to express it and be heard. I’m sorry life has dealt you this, OP, it’s horribly unfair. I have friends that go to a bereavement support group decades since losing their partners, so they can talk about this kind of stuff with people who really understand. It’s not something you get over, it’s something you live with.
for you.