Leaving kids home alone if you live rurally.

[Shinygoldbauble]

Just want to see what other parents take on this is.
I have 2 dc - 13 and 10. My dh travels a lot with work so I am often the sole parent for several weeks at a time.
We live in the countryside, about 2 miles from a village on a busy road. No neighbours for some distance on one side, neighbours on the other side are retired and are away more than at home. Farm across the road but the farmhouse is a long way up a laneway.
When dh is away I tend to not go out in the evenings as I am not comfortable leaving the children home alone after dark. I feel the house is quite isolated. I am a homebird anyway so it doesn't particularly bother me.
If something comes up that I need to attend MIL would come over but i don't like to take advantage.
I do sometimes leave the dc home alone during the day.
I'm happy with my decision but it really seems to annoy a friend of mine. She has similar age dc and often leaves them at night. I think her situation is different though. She lives closer to the village and has neighbours on both sides - both young families so at home most evenings. She thinks I am over protective.
What do others think?

That it's none of your friend's business.

I wouldn't leave a 10 year old so isolated day or night.

Its none of her damn business what you feel comfortable with or not.

Tell her to mind her own business. It sounds like her comments are motivated by some kind of guilt- why would she care what you do otherwise?

The daytime is just a recent thing - while I pop to the shop in the village. Trying to give them a little independence.
I think independence is tricky when you are rural. No access to public transport here so kids are dropped and collected from school.

She feels defensive, and uncomfortable that you don’t follow her own lead. It’s entirely your choice to set your own comfort level. It’s certainly not overprotective- my eldest is 14, in a village situation, and she babysits if we’re in the village, but we get a sitter if we’re going to the nearby city. That’s what I’m comfortable with, so that’s what I do. I don’t parent by committee, and nor should you.
Whenever I leave my kids home alone, they have to be indoors, and if any kids call to the door, they’re not allowed in, and my kids aren’t allowed out. At night, the curtains are closed and the storm doors closed. Kids are happy, and so am I.

Beautifulstranger that's what I feel too. I think she is a bit defensive about her choice. It has come up a few times recently because dh has been away a lot. She's asked me will I be attending this or that and if I say 'no, dh is away' she tut tuts and says the girls will be fine for a few hours.

I could've almost written this, DH travels a lot for work, kids are 13 & 10, live very rural with no immediate neighbours, no public transport, etc. I'm the same as you, I'll leave them for a couple of hours through the day if I have somewhere I need to be (they both have phones if there's a problem) but I'm not keen on leaving them in the dark, although I'm sure they'd be fine. It's definitely down to what your comfortable with, it's no one else's business really.....

Not a chance would I leave them - way too isolated. Your friend is in a different situation. It’s none of her business

I am a lone parent and have only just started leaving my nearly 11 year old alone at home while I'm out (usually just for a max 1hr run - with my phone).
I am only happy to do this because 1) he's OK with it and 2) we have very good neighbours who he would be able to ask for help if needed.

I wouldn't leave him alone in the late evening, if he's in bed or if I need to drive somewhere.

In your position (so isolated) I would not feel comfortable leaving children alone for a long period of time.

dark at 4pm they've arrived back on school bus and you won't be home until 5-5.30 I would say fine, and is different to leaving from 8.30-10pm ish
if your mobile signal is not good get a landline ( it is 3 x greener as well)

rural areas are generally safer, what do your daughters think? are they sensible to they wind each other up? etc

at the end of the day it is your decision

None of your friends business. My second child is 10 and while she may feel ok being with older brother if I pop to the local shop for 20 minutes - I don't think she would be ok with being left in the evening for an hour and a half. Every family is different and you make your own decisions.

we always live rurally my DD is 10 would leave her for a bit after school if I was going to be late home; she rings us when she is home and she doesn't tell anyone she is home alone apart from her grandma she doesn't answer door etc no one every comes 200 metres down the drive on the off chance we get zero cold callers on the door step which means I live in MN paradise ( doesn't stop them on phone though)

but wouldn't leave her while I went to town 8 miles away in the evening

We have a landline. And older dd now has a phone.
They are great kids, very close and apart from some occasional minor bickering don't fight or wind each other up at all.
The older one is prone to being anxious. She has not pushed to be left home alone. At the moment I have no plans to start leaving them at night.
My friend is a very different parent to me. I try to avoid discussing parenting with her at all as we are such complete opposites.

We leave 11 year old home along for 1-2 hours after school, but that's a new thing. He's very sensible, has a phone and there are a few good neighbours that he could call on if needed. DH or I could also get to him quite quickly. I still wouldn't leave him in the evening or if we lived remotely though.