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Original poster

18 year old son will not go to bed before 12 when school next day

33 replies

Animal13 · 16/01/2020 08:33

I had an argument with my son last night as he stays up as long as he wants because he says he can as he is 18. He has to go to school 7.30 am and he is behind with his school work. I can not reason with him.
Am I being unreasonable or should I not nag him to go to bed. He does not disturb my sleep and he is usually up past midnight each night.

OP posts:
Connie222 · 16/01/2020 08:34

My 17 year old is the same.
I have no advice but it’s driving me mad.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 16/01/2020 08:34

He's an adult. He can go to bed whenever he wants.

Original poster
Animal13 · 16/01/2020 08:35

I am also a single mum without any provision or care from his father so have no one to back up my argument.

OP posts:

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18 years old Families
ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/01/2020 08:36

A bed time for an 18 year old? Give your head a wobble, he's an adult.

drspouse · 16/01/2020 08:36

If you're paying the bills then can you at least turn off the WiFi and take his phone?

Baaaahhhhh · 16/01/2020 08:38

Completely normal. Most teens I know that age are up at that time, if you are lucky some may even be doing their homework. Not ideal, but their body clocks work on a different time scale to the rest of us.

Bluewater1 · 16/01/2020 08:39

I think as an 18 year old you can't have a suggested go to bed time, he's an adult. By all means talk to him about how he can help himself because he's falling behind in his work but it really is up to him if he chooses to get such little sleep

BrokenBrit · 16/01/2020 08:40

Give him a bed time?!
Take his phone?!
He’s 18 not 13.
Many people have moved out by 18, he is an adult.

The waking you up and being disrespectful is another matter, but I don’t think you will win him over when you are treating him like a child.

bingbangbing · 16/01/2020 08:41

Never mind the bedtime.

He's too old for that.

Why is he falling behind? Doing the wrong course? Depression?

msmith501 · 16/01/2020 08:42

It's a tricky one in that you want the best for him and want him to do well at school to give him the best outcome later in life. If he's overly tired, then ultimately he will not be performing at the top of his game. Balanced against this is the fact that he is an adult and should be capable of understanding the importance of getting enough sleep without being told. I guess if he gets good grades then he's proved himself able to make good reasoned choices; if he fails to attain his predicted grades, then maybe he'll think there's a link with sleep deprivation. I think the best you can do is to say that it's entirely his choice as an adult, but from experience you know that missing out on sleep can be detrimental. Then it's up to him.

On a related note, I know people who let their 12 year olds stay up much longer texting friends on their phones and they look like death!

Greenglassteacup · 16/01/2020 08:46

You can’t control what time an 18 year old goes to bed

skippy67 · 16/01/2020 08:48

My 18yo Dd is exactly the same. I've just accepted she's on a different clock to the rest of us. She tends to catch up on her sleep at the weekend though!

drspouse · 16/01/2020 09:12

Clearly you cannot give a bedtime but as it's your house you do not have to give him a phone contract/money/WiFi.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/01/2020 09:34

Clearly you cannot give a bedtime but as it's your house you do not have to give him a phone contract/money/WiFi.

What has any of those things got to do with an adult not wanting a set bedtime?

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/01/2020 09:40

ALL my lot were like this as teenagers. I too was a single mum, struggling to deal with them waking me (and each other) up.

The only thing I can advise is to have a 'quiet word'. Not nagging, not 'telling', just asking him what he wants from his future and stressing that he can either work at his education or get a job. Drifting along won't cut it forever. This worked with my girls, although, I have to say, not so well with eldest son, who continues to be a night bird and now has a job managing a pub, so late hours are part of the job!

1FootInTheRave · 16/01/2020 09:43

He's an adult!

NekoShiro · 16/01/2020 09:46

Theres a certain point where you just have to put your hands up and say its your life live it how you want, when i was at secondary school and college i'd often pull all nighters chatting to american friends and playing video games, I ended up leaving school with pretty much all Bs so it didn't effect me majorly in that sense.

Now that i'm an adult with a job i'm in bed most nights by 10pm and I look back on those sleepless nights fondly as a part of my childhood, it's not something i'm gonna be able to do again even if I wanted too so I wouldn't worry to much about it.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 16/01/2020 09:54

I'm nearly 40 and I often go to bed after midnight despite having to get up at 6.45. Every morning I tell myself I'll have an early night but nighttime comes around and I'm wide awake. I wouldn't take kindly to someone else telling me to go to bed or punishing me by taking away my phone or switching off the tv. Like your son, I'm quiet and don't disturb anyone's sleep so the only person who suffers is me. I catch up with what I've missed on weekends and days off.

Based on that, I'd say just leave him alone to go to bed when he chooses. If he struggles to get up on a morning then wake him up or whatever but you can't dictate another adult's bedtime.

The college thing: is he enjoying it? Has he asked for help and support? Is it the right course for him? I think it's a separate issue to the sleep thing.

MsMellivora · 16/01/2020 09:55

Yep he is an adult mine is the same age. It’s a really difficult stage if they are still at school and do not bring in an income. Though they are legally an adult it stills feel like they are a kid in some respects and they do often have the I know best attitude when quite clearly what they are doing or want to do is ridiculous. It’s part of growing up as is rebelling so he may be just be being bloody minded so I would just leave it.

What’s up with his schoolwork and is it linked to tiredness or is it laziness? The step up to A levels is huge. Does he do anything else as a hobby or go out with friends at all?

inwood · 16/01/2020 09:56

Leave him to it, irritating as it is. He's 18.

DonPablo · 16/01/2020 09:57

Like everyone else has said he's 18. It could be worse.

Difficult though when you know they need to do stuff to secire their futire but they only see the here and now. Try talking rather than arguing.

HairyFloppins · 16/01/2020 10:13

My 18 year old is up at that time normally revising. You can't give him a bed time.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 16/01/2020 10:29

this made me laugh :D as an 18 year old with college i didnt go bed til 3am :D My mum never mentioned it though, think its funny you care that much about an adults bedtime

zoobincan · 16/01/2020 10:44

I can't believe someone has suggested taking an 18 year olds phone away Confused

OP leave him to it, it's not disturbing you.

frankincenseandmur · 16/01/2020 10:47

He’s an adult, he’s responsible for his own choices and if he wants to go to bed at 12 he can