Can you help me sort out after school chaos

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2 dc. One in reception, one in nursery (3yo) 3 days a week. Every day without fail the pickup until after dinner is a nightmare. Tears, tantrums, constant demands and whining.

Our current routine just involves collecting from school and walking home (with a constant supply of snacks). Then attempting a bit of relaxing time with books or drawing until dinner time. However, my youngest is making so many demands that my eldest doesn't get a look in, and quite frankly I want to spend some time with him too because I don't see him as much.

On the odd day that we might do something after school, like the library, it's better. Definitely worse when we're in the house. But I'm loathed to be taking them to loads of after school things already.

Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

What is your theee year old demanding? Are they hungry? Do dinner as soon as you are home from school?

Just anything and everything, today she had a tantrum because her brother did a poo before her. Then it's constant requests for outfit changes, going upstairs with her to do stuff in her room when her brother wants to be downstairs reading, just basically getting her things constantly. I try to explain that there's only one of me and try to organise things they might both want to do, but it's not working at the moment.

I did think about dinner as soon as they got home. Maybe o should try that.

I would stick the t.v on, & do dinner as soon as you get in.

Wash & PJs on.

Snack & reading or drawing then bed.

I have started to put my DD to bed at 18.30pm, much to peoples at works horror.

She reads until 19.30 in bed. She thinks she is getting loads of reading time when actually I just need to get stuff done ready for work the next day with her out of the way

Weekends she stays up later with me.

Dinner earlier. And maybe set out specific things for your younger could to do. Stickers / drawing. Something she will be excited to do and can manage reasonably independently?

Take them to the park on the way home, as an alternative to the library.

Ok I'm definitely going to try dinner earlier. I would definitely try park on way home but they're all a bit pit of the way and the weather has been so bad.

I always feel a bit loathe to put the tv on as soon as they come in because in my head I want to catch up with them after thEm being at school. But maybe I should just try that too.

Before picking them up, set up some toys. Train track / playmobil etc in the living room.

Fruit only on pick up if at all. When home they can play with the pre set up toys for 30 mins then dinner.

Tv time after dinner while one bathes, then swap them over. Into pjs.

Get the jigsaws or colouring pencils out after that for some calm playtime. Try and get 30mins out of that.

Then they can have a small bit of supper and maybe listen to a story from you as they eat.

Bed.

My older two are the same age. I do a substantial snack (e.g. a crumpet and cheese) as soon as we get in. I often sit at the dining table with the 3 year old usually on my lap and read them stories while making sure they both eat and also drink something (often have to feed the 3 year old). After a few stories and some food and drink they settle a bit and I can do stuff like crafts or jigsaws with them. We then have dinner at 6 ish and TV goes on after dinner.

I think a bit of tv time helps them recharge after a busy day. I find with my eldest, if I ask her about her day, suggest reading etc when we get in, she gets really stroppy. If I stick the Tv on and give her some toast, she'll relax quietly for about 30-45mins (while I get some bits done!) then she will snap back into reality and tell me about her day, will start crafting etc. It's like she just needs peace and quiet to decompress.

Can you not spend one on one time with your eldest one your youngest is in bed? Why do you need to go to her room with her when she wants to get changed or play?

Thanks so much for all the ideas. Am taking them all on board!
I don't actually need to go up with her but if I don't she often ends up tantruming atm so it's trying to juggle it all. She also takes ages to go to sleep (separate issue)which eats into the time that I could spend with ds before he goes to bed.

It's a bit of a nightmare to be honest. Today I ended up really raising my voice at them because they were just non stop demands, and I was really knackered because I'm working once they've gone to bed. My patience had really worn thin and now I feel terrible.

Another vote for serving dinner as soon as you get in. It's stopped the endless whinge for snacks in my house. My 2 then sometimes have some cereal, fruit or toast before bed if they're hungry.

So dinner at 4ish?

Mine are 4 and 6 and the younger one is often ravenous and grumpy when picked up.
Either bring forward dinner or have a substantial snack when you get home- I will often give mine a sandwich and some crisps if I can't do dinner till later. Once he has some food in him he's much better.

I've been doing dinner earlier when I'm back from work in time. I find the younger one (2y 9m) really wants earlier dinner, whereas as older one (9) would prefer a snack. But I generally do dinner around 4:30, and then a snack for older one when younger one goes to bed!

Once mine get in from school they get half an hour or so of TV. They need time to relax after a busy day and if what they want to do is watch TV, why not? They've had a busy stimulating day, what if they don't want to do puzzles/reading/homework?

If you want to spend time with the big one, can you pick them up first? It’s not a long time but I hear all sorts in that 10 minutes from school to nursery. It’s the same at drop off, we can engineer slightly more time because nursery opens at 8 and school not till 8:50x