Child acting out at school

[Findingthisdifficult1234]

I’m posting here to see if anyone can give me advice on how to handle my 13 year old sons behaviour at school.
He’s constantly acting out every day at school, having a detention most days. The school phone me at least a couple of times or email me a couple times a week regarding his behaviour. I just don’t know what to do. The school don’t seem to be helping me with his behaviour. He’s ok at home and doesn’t play up as much when he’s here. His dad is not in his life but has been in and out of his life over the years/ I feel that he has issues with dealing with his emotions, he has attention problems and doesn’t seem to be able to self regulate very well. Who can I contact to get him help? Will the GP be able to help the situation. What does a school SENCO do. Is there anyone in the school who can help with a situation like this.
Any help and advice would be appreciated as I’m scared for his future.

I'm not that knowledgable about this but thought I'd bump your post so that hopefully someone can advise. What was his behaviour like at primary? You could maybe speak to the GP to see if he could be referred for tests and also ask to meet with the school eg. His head of year or house, to say that you want to work with the school to improve his behaviour and you wondered if they have any suggestions

Also if you don't get many replies here you could maybe ask for it to be moved to the secondary education board

He may not be misbehaving at home, but what are you doing to support school with his bad behaviour? What consequences are you putting in place when he's repeatedly behaving badly at home?
It feels like you think because he's only badly behaved at school that it is schools problem to solve.

At home to try boost self confidence etc I’ve set chores and helping around the house for him to do so he feels he is helping and I pay him pocket money for this- so washing up, or hoovering, putting washing away. I try to sit with him in the evening and play a game or do something of his choice- he enjoys drawing so we do that.
He doesn’t talk to me about why he acts the way he does at school. I think he finds it difficult to make friends at school and has been bullied in the past.
I think he may be acting ‘class clown’ to make the other children laugh so they accept him.
I’ve had meetings with the school but his behaviour doesn’t improve. Instead I still get phone calls each week from the school telling me what he has done. And letting me know about detentions, or having to do his school work in another room.
Thankyou for the replies. I don’t know how I can improve things for him. Maybe the doctor can refer for CBT. I’m not sure if that’s what he needs but I don’t know what other route to take.

How is his attention span?
Is he focused?
How are his organisational skills?

Ok, so what happens at home after he misbehaves at school. If he is having a detention most nights and school are ringing you multiple times and he is being sent to another room then it likely is extremely disruptive behaviour. For example in my school (deprived quite rough area but strict) I have had to send 2 maybe three students out since September...

Paying for chores is not going to help - he needs to know that something happens to him. So for example he disrupts many children's learning consistently throughout the day. He then comes home and plays a game or does something of his choice or has to do some hoovering but gets paid to do it.

Give him some short term goals for school with rewards if he does them but consequences if he does not. So e.g. no wifi / no phone / no games console / no going to clubs or out with friends / no playing games at home.

Think about if a student was continually disrupting his learning to the point where they had to be continually be sent out of the room - do you think that you would be happy that their parent had put into place what you have (seemingly no consequences for poor behaviour).

His attention span is quite poor. How can I sort this? And his organisational skills, how can I help him to be organised?
His school has supply teachers in quite a few lessons.
Today the school said he ran out of a lesson. I think it’s attention seeking but I don’t know how to stop it.
Thanks sd49, I will put in place consequences for bad behaviour at school. I’m trying to help him feel secure at home as I feel a lot of issues come from his dad leaving that’s why I am trying to connect with him so he will talk to me about his issues.
I’ve recently left my evening job as I feel me not being home to sort his evening routine hasn’t helped.

Have you had meetings with the school? How about the SENCO? How about booking a visit with the school nurse or your GP to discuss your sons behaviour?

I’ve had meetings with the deputy head and head of year. Not with the SENCO. He had SENCO input in primary school thought which helped a lot.
I’m going to phone the school tomorrow to discuss meeting with the SENCO, do secondary schools have SENCO?! I’ve not heard of one at his school.

For sure, your evening job wasn't helping. You need to be around.
You should ring the school back and ask for a meeting and ask for help, they expect it x

SENCOS ARE A MAJOR PART OF S. SCHOOL x

Alpinesnow his behaviour at primary was a bit better when he was in a good primary school in a better area.
I then moved and he had to change primary schools twice and both the primary schools weren’t as good as the first one (high staff turnover, mainly supply teachers/ cover teachers. He was bullied at all the primary schools he attended.

Ok I’ll ask to speak to the SENCO tomorrow.

I feel like he has no respect for the teachers. It’s really hard. I want him to have respect, I tell him his behaviour will get him no where. But he doesn’t take on board what I say.

Yes secondary schools have a senco.
Ask to meet with her and see how you can work together to support your son.
It does sound like he needs to talk. Try the book “how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” for some practical tips.

His attention span is quite poor. How can I sort this?

How are his diet and his sleep?

Cuckoo clock I’ve heard of that book- I thought it was for younger children. I will order a copy.
His diet is ok, he’s not overly fussy.
I think he was going to bed too late/ playing too much computer while I was working so not getting enough sleep.
I’ve slowly got him back into a routine as I stopped working to do this.

I think there’s a teens version of the book actually.

Yes too much screen time can have a really negative effect on behaviour so limiting that may help.

www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/books/adele-faber/how-to-talk-so-teens-will-listen-listen-so-teens-will-talk/GOR001403424?keyword=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAjfvwBRCkARIsAIqSWlOvSPeiHJXwrdWw44ViKByXC8__ndEXo57GUX4_dzFMwNH88J9u3z8aAq1mEALw_wcB

Thankyou for the link. I will be ordering it.

I would be considering ADHD as a possibility.

I'm surprised they aren't escalating the sanctions, rather than just repeating the same one (a detention) constantly, which doesn't seem to have any effect. At my dcs' school the first time they are sent out of class they get a detention, 2nd time isolation, 3rd time exclusion.
Anyway I hope you are able to access help in identifying what is behind the behaviour and how to deal with that

My DS is like you describe so your answers aren’t unexpected.

Have a look at 37 signs of dyslexia, he’s hit his ceiling.

AlpineSnow
I think they are working towards exclusion now. Feels like they are giving up on us.