Anybody else sick of being a military wife?

[PlomBear]

Moving every two years, not having chance to have a proper career, living in crappy married quarters, magnolia walls etc. I’m just sitting here crying in this stupid, overly large house!

DH has finally had enough. If he doesn’t get promoted next month he’s doing the “seven clicks to freedom.” After having a posting he really enjoyed and lots of autonomy running a team, he started a new job in HQ and hates it. No desk, no computer, no office phones, no stationery! Nobody in his team talks.

He came home yesterday in a bad mood and said he’s has enough, he’s leaving. He’s sick of wearing a hat and saluting constantly, having his hair cut, passing fitness tests, being passed over for promotion when all of his joining class have been promoted or left. His best friend in the service joined two years after him and was promoted last year. His past two reports have been A- and said “promote him.” Nope!

YAY!!!! 😀 So close to freedom!

It's not for everyone. 🙂

Not a military wife, but my son is in the military (RAF). He says it is very difficult to get promoted, and many languish at the same level for years despite working hard. He works in an “all hands on deck” sort of environment, and the higher ranking ones are doing similar things to those below them. Despite problems with recruitment and retention, there doesn’t seem to any movement towards promoting career development and progression, which is very short sighted. (They did decide to allow beards last year though to help attract and retain the hipster crowd 🤔)

However DS is lucky in that he feels he earns quite well and doesn’t move around. He has been able to buy a house near his base.

Moving every couple of years and never feeling like you have your own place must be awful for you, OP.

I went to a dinner in the officer’s mess recently with DH and it was so tedious. DH was basically made to go. Singing sea shanties, not allowed to leave the table once dinner started, the endless toasts, keeping shoulders covered, constant Navy talk “so you know FCOST is merging with TCOST?” I thought I was back in 1852.

DH has never been a typical military officer. In his first posting he was taken aside and asked, quite kindly, if he was sure if this was the right career for him. He’s done well since then but now seems like he’s had enough. He has a laptop in his new job and his boss said “oh I don’t expect you to work at home on the weekends.” Not take he had any intention of doing that! But other people do.

DH mentioned pressing the escape button soon and I felt relief. Until recently it has been fun, but it's starting to cause our eldest daughter (8yo) a lot of stress. So plan is to settle down by the summer she's 10 at the latest, to be in time for Secondary applications and no boarding school (which it has become clear will not suit her. DD2 on the other hand...).
He's also tired of being made the scapegoat for more senior officers cock ups- and seeing people which don't score as highly on tests/reports get promoted and the 'good' jobs because they are better at sucking up than he is.

We bought six years ago as I wanted DC to only attend one school and I was sick of moving. We've been lucky in that he has been posted around where we bought.

I couldn't stand the mess functions and cliques of wives so was more than happy to be with normal people who don't give a shit what rank DH is.

The friends I made on various postings have all settled and escaped the awful issue curtains

I’m glad it’s not just me. I went to a coffee morning once for wives. They cooled towards me once they found out I was an officer’s wife and their husbands were ratings.

I’m really starting to resent the RN.

And these curtains are fugly. Need to get some new ones. Why the weird patterns? The bathrooms are like the ones on a military base! We are putting down some fablon and adding some flowers and plants to make them less awful.

Hope he doesn’t get promoted but it would be typical that now that he’s ready to leave.

DH wants to start trying for a baby, I’ve been ready for ages but since moving here I don’t think it’s the ideal environment to bring a child up in. It was bad enough moving again (with the removals company packing up for us) I cannot imagine doing that with a baby.

Aroundtheworldin80moves - DH mentioned that the people who have got promoted are the ones who hang around the wardroom and suck up to senior personnel.

LunaAzul - I’m with you on the cliquey wives!

ParanoidGynodroid - we did buy our own place but it’s now being rented out as we had to move here - along with all the associated costs and hassle.

Well mines now decided he wants to stay in... He's in the pension trap. But he's definitely seeing it as job now, nothing more. But we will have a permanent home. Now we have to decide weekly commute, but living near family, or move to the Salisbury area and just live off base.