How do you teach children how to be tidy?

[GrouchyKiwi]

I'm drowning in mess, which is of course worse since Christmas.

I get the children to tidy up (aged 7, 5 and 3) and in a day or so it's back to being a tip again. I can't cope with it, and I don't know how to teach them to care about keeping things tidy. Their toys keep being stood on and broken.

It is, of course, made worse by the fact that we home educate, so they're home during the day as well, and spend a LOT of time creating lovely artworks/cutting up paper/decorating the floor with oddly-shaped confetti.

Please share your best tips.

Don’t say ‘tidy up’

Put on a music tidy up track or there’s a 007 count down one

Give them jobs - DS is on pencil DD is on rubbish duty DD2 can put the Lego away ...

See if they can beat the timer or song

How about during the day having scheduled times when everything that is out is tidied up before anything else is allowed to come out? Such as before lunch and tea?
I’d also be saying they won’t have the things that are broken replaced

I found it easier when my DS was young, I was ‘in control’ of what toys etc were put out, if he received too many for birthdays and Christmas I ruthlessly gave them away. Most children seem to have far too many toys and ‘stuff’. Rotate the toys, hide them away.

But any advice keeping a teenager’s room tidy would be welcome .

Any advice for a 35 year old DH?

I do not apply this but my dad got my brother and I to be robots when we were kids. We loved following his 'orders' and marching round the house with stiff robot legs and arms picking stuff up..... I think you have to have a healthy inner kid to pull it off!

I just grump at my DD, and of course she is a huge mess!

Give them less stuff.

If they leave stuff lying about to be stood on and broken, they don't value what they have.

I once did the whole ‘throwing everything on the floor out’ thing and it did teach them a lesson. Thankfully it was mostly crap anyway.

Maybe sneakily pick up anything you wouldn’t want to chuck first or even just hide it all for 6 months so they think you’ve thrown it out.

We do a 10 min family tidy up. It has taken repetition to get the dc used to it. We play music too.

The big secret for us was to tidy up regularly (at least twice a day) so the mess isn't too big.

As you HE I would agree with regular 'tidy up times' (just like in school ). Can you also contain messy activities to one room?

Dd can play with two toys at a time, if she wants another one out, one has to go away. Granted she's 2 and we've started this early but repetition helps.

They absolutely don't value what they have, partially because they have so much. (This is an ongoing issue with MIL; she gave them each something like 20 presents for Christmas, and brings something every time she comes to visit, despite being asked/told not to.)

10 minute tidy ups twice a day is a good plan.

We do make games of it, but I guess the relentless nature of it all becomes too much. I was such a tidy person before children - and when DD1 was little; I really miss those days.

As for containing it all in one room: we try that (we have a playroom). It lasts for a couple of days till the mess just spills over everywhere.

I am going to shift all of their drawing/colouring stuff to the playroom and make a sort of art station in there, which will help keep the dining room under control.

I’d have a massive clear out and give a loaf to charity or a women’s & children’s shelter. Make your life so much easier and no child needs THAT MUCH stuff. I bet they wouldn’t even miss half of it

Loaf?!!! Haha!! Load!

Also specific places they can do stuff. No paints or crafts or anything messy at the dining room table, playroom only. Crayons and felts at the table only.

No LEGO out anywhere but playroom and bedrooms.

Tidy up time at same times everyday. Fastest one gets a sticker. Most stickers at end of week gets to pick something fun to do as a family.

Secret toy in tidy up? Choose a toy in your head and whoever manages to tidy away the secret toy wins, though they can't know until their time is up (however long you allocate) who won the game (sticker or reward for finding the secret toy?). If they ask you if they've picked it up yet you just say that you can't tell them yet! I've used this game for years at work and with family members who are children and it works like a charm.

I provided all the boxes,etc. for the toys,lego,etc. and we sang a song when it was time to clear up.'
To the tune of Frere Jacques we sang
"Are you helping,
Are you helping,
All the girls,
All the boys?
Let us all be helpers!
Put away our playthings,
Biscuit time!
No more toys

Worked like a charm!
And I've still got the boxes we used

20 presents just give them away. Don’t engage with your MIL about it, keep repeating, ‘the children do not need all these toys, if you want to spend your money on the children pleas buy them books, put it into their savings account, buy a National Trust membership, whatever’.

What does your DH do about the influx of toys?

My DS was given toys - I gave them away, be tough.

DH has spoken to MIL about it a few times. They had a good discussion when we were visiting recently so I'm hopeful we've made a proper impression this time. Though I've thought that before!

We really need to stop being wimpy about it when she does bring things out, though.

These tidying game suggestions are fantastic, thank you all.

I used to do “ pack away” at least before lunch and before tea, but at snack time too if needed.

And de clutter all the time too, just always have a basket in the living room that you put Charity shop stuff into daily.

Firstly everything needs a place to live.
New items are only kept if there is a space for them, if no space then a negotiation on what leaves to give the new item a space.
You don't move onto a new game/activity till the old one is cleared.
Going upstairs for bed - what needs to go back upstairs with you, no bath/bedtime story till bedroom is ok.
It's a pain at first, meals and bedtimes end up being late, but you have to stick with it. Eventually it becomes habit. For the first time in forever this Christmas wasn't a horrid mess because we continued the approach. It's not perfect - sometimes we don't do it but it no longer seems so bad that it's stressful as it's just a 1 or 2 day lapse not a week or months worth of mess

Regular clear out of crap and clutter. We do this before Christmas every year as a minimum.

Leading regularly and consistently by example and teaching them 'how' explaining what goes where and why. This is a lot easier with less stuff.

Kids are messy but it starts from when they are small.

Ime it’s mostly inherent in childhood. My dd like everything clean and tidy and keeps things that way. I was the opposite as a child but I appreciate cleanliness now and will clean when I have the time. I think the best you can do is model good behaviours and get them used to having a nice clean environment (something DH didn’t have and is now slovenly, mind you cleanliness alone isn’t enough, his father is the same but had servants growing up so their house was clean, it’s important that they see you doing to cleaning so that they know that it’s personal responsibility rather than something that you expect someone else to do).

I turned them into trainee cleaners yesterday and they did an excellent job of tidying. It's looking a lot better today too.

We need to work on getting rid of crap and a place for everything, but I now have lots of good ideas so thank you all.

Mine were only allowed to get a new box of stuff out once they'd tidied the other one away.

It usually worked.