My 14 year old DS is being accused of harassment by ex-girlfriend. WWYD?

[Portabella24]

I'd really appreciate some advice as I genuinely don't know what to do for the best.

My DS had a girlfriend for a short period of time (3 months ish) and he ended it. She seemed fine but would give him evil looks when they met at the evening activity they both participate in. Fair enough.

However, the situation has become increasingly difficult. She tells her friends that he 'ruined her life' and would verbally abuse him and his new girlfriend. DS attends a school very close to her school so they see each other quite often. This girl approaches DS and his friends and is abusive. She has even got her boyfriend to approach DS and say he will beat him up. Most recently her boyfriend told DS friends that he would bring a knife next time.

My advice (maybe rubbish) has been to stay in a group, never reply to her provocations and stay safe. I thought it would blow over.

However, today I found out that she has complained to her school that DS has been harassing her and she feels unsafe. They informed DS school and he is in a shit load of trouble. She has provided no evidence of harassment but they seem to believe her. Obviously my first instinct is to march up to the school and defend him but DS says I will just make things worse.

My question is, is there anything I can do to make her stop? I was thinking solicitors letter but perhaps that is ott? Also worth saying is that I believe my son because so many of his friends have evidenced her behaviour and I've seen a lot on social media.

Many thanks all

What action is his school taking? Can he counter complain to her school?

Threats about knives etc need to be reported to the non emergency police. Your son would do well to think back to all the situations and write down dates, times and names of those there.

I think you need to go in to his school with him, and explain that you've been aware of what's been going on, and advising DS how to deal with it. But it's clearly not worked - you totally believe him and have witnesses. How do the school want to handle it?

Hi - thanks
His school seems to be taking her side - he has to see the safeguarding lead to explain to him why his behaviour is inappropriate. It seems they believe her and not him. I have told him to collect evidence. He's very anxious he will be excluded.

Make sure he is actually telling the truth here. Did he really end it or did she? She is the one with the new romance...

presumably there will be some evidence be on social media that she has been being unpleasant. Does he have friends at her school who could give his side. Best advice to to just tell him to tell the truth. Her is innocent by until proven guilty I would hope.

He needs you in his corner op. This stuff could go on his school file. Or his dps could push for police involvement. My dc has been in a fight today - details indirectly involve a girl, not his though. . Meeting on Fri and no way will I miss it. 14 is too young to not have you involved ime.

Hi
DS also has a girlfriend. She has had messages calling her a whore so all very unpleasant.
As I said, I believe him because he has been moaning about her for ages. I had no idea it would escalate like this.

You need to speak to his school and find out what evidence they have of him harassing her. If they have none then challenge their tone

It can be a nightmare. My DS was harassed by his ex girlfriend when they were 15. A lot of people automatically believed her that it was him being threatening , understandable when you look at statistics of male on female violence, and the only thing that got it finally sorted was her Dad’s boss coincidentally saw her turn up at the sports centre when DS had swim training and start giving him hassle. He mentioned it to her Dad the next day

Her Dad knew that she knew when DS swam (the pool isn’t open to the public when the swim club is on) and realised she had approached him despite her going home crying that he’d stalked her and frightened her that very night

Your DS needs to write down dates, times and places of incidents. Also any witnesses and exactly what is said by anyone

If what your ds says is true this is stalking. Above harassment. It will (should) be taken seriously by the police. She’s obviously escalated things. Maybe he ought to. Especially if he has witnesses to her behaviour. Get him to keep a log of every incident.

Print off any messages ds has regarding anything related. Turning up prepared will make the stupid girl think twice about getting away with this.

The knife threat needs to be reported to the police in addition to other action being taken.

Have you taken screenshots from his and his girlfriend's phone? It should be fairly easy to evidence who has been harassing who.

Once you've doublechecked with your DS that he definitely hasn't done anything that constitutes harassment, help him to screenshot and print out any messages they've exchanged. Make sure he includes iMessages, Instagram DMs, Snapchat etc and download any relevant voice messages too.

This is a link about cyber bullying so isn't directly relevant but there's lots of useful info on the site:
lawstuff.org.uk/online-safety/cyber-bullying/

Thanks so much for the great advice. I have just written to the Head and asked for a meeting. DS is collating evidence (haven't told him I have involved myself) and I agree about reporting the knife threat.
DS is physically quite big and tall but he has no clue how to deal with this.

If you don't want to give your name / DS name you can use Crimestoppers to report the knife threat - as much detail as possible. Name, age, address of the boy if known and / or school attended if known, description, specifics of the threat.

What I don't understand is why the girl's school complained to your son's school about him. Why is the school taking the lead for alleged offences of harassment? There is no way that DS should be questioned by the school about this. Find out what is going on from the school. Then complain to the police about the offences committed against your son and his new girlfriend.

I’d ask the police for advice.

I’d be at the school immediately and would be telling the police too.

You need to involve the police ASAP - you need advice and, if anything happens now, there will be something on record

I'd certainly be involving the police in regards to knife threats and stalking. I really don't understand what this has to do with either school? It is a police matter? Gather all evidence first and go straight to the police, I wouldn't even involve school. I'm sure when you have done this, she will get the shock of her life and think twice about what shes doing. If she was GENUINELY concerned for her safety, she would also have called the police, not school.

Sounds like she's just after a bit of attention and to get him in trouble if you ask me...

My advice would be to go into the school immediately instead of writing to the Head. The ex girlfriend sounds like a serious trouble maker and you need to act fast. I also agree about calling the police but will this make your DS in more danger with the other boys if they found out? Do they know where your DS lives? The threats made to your DS are cery serious and i advise you to tread carefully so that this situation is resolved and your DS doesnt get even more threats off those other boys. I would ask police for advice on knife threat. The police should also take the harrassment very seriously as your DS has evidence. This sounds like a nightmare!

Were there others around when your DS was threatened (ie, did your warning of 'go everywhere in a group' get heeded?). If so, your DS needs to write down the names of everyone who witnessed any of his ex's approaches and pass them to either school or the police.

Thank you to everyone for the advice.
I spoke to the safeguarding lead this morning. The girl is known to them as she has done this before. Unfortunately her school are insisting that she is very reliable. I do understand that DS school can't just assume that she is crying wolf again.
My DS was ill last night - vomiting and shaking. He knows that we support him 100% but he is adamant - no police. I am hoping that his fear turns to anger and he will cooperate. He was robbed at knifepoint last year and so I think threats of a knife are particularly scary for him.
Thanks again - I appreciate you all

If other people have heard that this boy carries a knife (which they have - your DS' friends, the lad's girlfriend, possibly others) then making an anonymous report via Crimestoppers will mean that the knife threat is reduced whilst protecting the source of the information. E.g, "Bob Smith carries a knife and has made threats to use it. Smith is aged ...., he goes to xx school. He is xx tall - etc etc". You wouldn't need to mention yourself or your DS anywhere in the report.

CS is taken very seriously and the better the quality of the information the more can be done with it.