Postnatal depression

[gertie2456]

Hi

I've just joined and I really need some kind words. I'm clearly suffering from pnd and although I'm getting help the anxiety is high today.
If you have anytime, please reply to this thread. I need some support.

Thank you x

Hi how old is you baby, what's their name?

My baby is 6 weeks today and is called Otis.

What a lovely name is it your first? Iv got a 6 month old daughter and those first few months are very stressful. Do you have help from family?

Yes hes my first. My family don't live near me (200 miles away) but I have my husbands family who are kind of aware of how I'm feeling. I've got a few great friends as well but I feel like I'm becoming a burden and plus they all work so I'm feeling pretty lonely.

I can understand the feeling of loneliness. I used to actually take my daughter into work a lot as everyone could fuss over her and I could get a break. I'm sure nobody sees you as a burden, I'd recommend getting out of the house every day if you can , even if it's just for a walk around the block. It blows the cobwebs off and can be quite relaxing.

I've been getting out and about a little bit and I do feel better once we've been for a walk.
I know it will get better but its hard to feel like that at times. I have improved from last week but I feel like I'm not being a good Mom.

I went through some PND. I had no family close and none of my friends had babies. I seriously mourned my life before baby. I just wanted to go back. Husband was useless (not really - but that's what I thought at the time) and I hated the night. I was ok through the day, but the night killed me. I seriously thought me and baby were the only people on the planet and I was scared. I was exhausted. We were broke, so I went back to full time work when baby was six weeks old (i'm in the US so yeah my maternity leave was non-existent). I was a total mess. I did come out of it, but I do think it took a full year for me to accept that this was the new normal and start embracing it. If you are having seriously bad thoughts I suggest checking in with your medical professional right away. They will help you. Also get with some other mums. Talk it out. You are not alone. And if you do have family and friends nearby that are offering help please take them up on it. Let them take the baby so you can rest or go out or get a haircut or take a shower. Let people help you. There is no shame in what you are going through.

I'm finding that the morning is worse for me; knowing theres a whole day ahead and what are we going to do, I'm alone as everyone is busy.
I've been to my doctor and have the health visitor and perinatal team involved but they can't do anything day-to-day which is where I need the help which is unrealistic for me to expect.
Its so hard knowing its just going to take time to get through but I always feel better after chatting with someone. Having company seems to be key.

Don't feel that you have to keep it a secret that you are suffering from PND, find someone who you can talk to if you are having a bad day or week. Don't be afraid to speak to your doctor or health visitor. It doesn't make you any less capable of being a good mum, very often it makes you a better mum. Try to not put yourself under pressure, the world isn't going to end because you had a ready meal for tea or you didn't get the ironing done & away, if it is a nice day, try & get out for some fresh air, either with your baby or if anyone offers to babysit have some time to yourself. Have a nap if baby does, sleep deprivation contributes a lot to pnd. If you are struggling there is nothing wrong with asking for help. You won't always feel like you do now.

Thanks Nat6999. Lots of good advice which I wish I'd taken sooner. I'm stuck between keeping busy, distracting myself from how I'm feeling and not putting pressure on myself to do jobs around the house.
I'm struggling with sleeping during the day and when the baby sleeps as its when I'm getting a lot of bad thoughts and anxiety.
I feel like I should have a better plan of what I'm doing each day to ease the panic in the morning of being alone but again, I don't want to pressure myself to be doing things. Such a fine line!

@gertie2456 do you feel up to going to a baby group? I’d recommend a relaxed drop in one at a church or something (I went and not religious at all) where there are some older ladies to coo at your baby, you can have a coffee and a cake and a little chat to some other mums. It is really hard, I struggled with loneliness too and found the thing that helped a bit was having lots of plans and always getting out of the house. Even a walk round the park with the pram made me feel more upbeat.

Tappitytaptap My friend has recently pointed me in the direction of exactly that sort of thing and I'm trying to build up the courage to go. I'm not sure if I should just go for it or wait until I'm a bit better. Not sure I'm great company at the moment.

Hi Gertie. I found my local church group a life saver when I had PND. Don't feel like you need to wait until you are good company.

I remember how hard and dark those days were but they will pass and the sun will shine again.

Hi I've had PND too, with my second DD who is now 15. I had a good health visitor who really helped me . What's yours like ? Have they set up some visits ? I also had a health care worker who took my DD out for two hours every week to give me a break . I was very lonely , I can totally empathise . Get out if you can to the groups and ask HV if there are any groups specifically for mums with PND , or even look online . If you go on Facebook groups you might find more groups in your area.

You are really not alone, lots of women feel the same way . If you feel really bad you can always phone your GP too, and also CBT really helped me , so see if you can get an urgent referral .

I really struggled with my first and I’m it going to lie I’m finding it difficult (although not as bad) with my second.

I’m going to share with you what helped me.

• Pushing myself to go out and do more with my baby, everything I pushed a boundary I felt more confident
• Try joining just one baby group, look out for baby social type groups or a baby massage course
• I used to write out my timetable for the week

Monday - baby cinema Tuesday - baby social Wednesday- go for hot chocolate at Costa Thursday- library song session You get the idea As they get bigger and there are more things to do you get to meet people and it less lonely.

Try MUSH or a local parental meet up group.

Hi girlofthenorth

My health visitor has been great so far and has gone out of her way, above and beyond to check on referrals and how far along a plan is to help me. I'll definitely ask her about groups when I see her which is hopefully tomorrow with a therapist from NEWPIP.
I've done CBT in the past which has been super helpful but struggling to put those strategies in place at the moment.

Thank you @EmrysAtticus.

You're not alone Mama. Lots of us have been there or are going through similar.
I hated the nighttime too. I spent a lot of time on MN in those early days with DC1.
During the day I used to put the radio on or have daytime tv on in the background. Helped with the loneliness a little bit. Would that help?
It got easier when he got a bit bigger and we established a bit of a routine. I was dreading going to baby groups but felt I had to do something with DS and they were actually really good. Could you try a few different baby groups until you found one you feel comfortable in? Would that be an option? You don't have to commit to anything, just give it a go.

Hi,
I feel very similar (got Dr appointment next week). When I started going out, it was to the library for a rhyme time. It cost nothing, was only half an hour and it meant I’d done something with my baby.

Well done for getting help. I know what you mean about your friends. I’ve stopped saying anything negative to mine as was embarrassed.

OP I suffered pnd but did find an app called Mush helped me a lot, I started chatting to a few mims on there, then we would go to new groups together.

One I've seen nearly every week since DD was 3 months and she turns 2 this month and they now go to nursery together. She has been such a help, possibly without even realising

Sorry things are tough for you right now OP. I didn't have PND but I found the adjustment to becoming a mum so hard and I felt really lonely and isolated (my family are also 200 miles away).

I would also say that going to groups helps - but also don't put any pressure on yourself to do this, I felt a bit pushed into this by those around me and as a introvert I didn't feel like it was something I was ready to do until I felt more confident getting out and about on my own. Once I did, I found that the structured classes (singing classes/baby sensory etc) suited me better than playgroups. They are activity led and this seemed to make it easier to strike up conversations with individuals. And you really shouldn't worry about being bad company, many mums will have experienced similar - I was so sleep deprived that I struggled to string sentences together some days.

At home I found that listening to podcasts and radio programmes really helped with my feelings of isolation - and I'd also recommend trying mindfulness and meditations (you tube) particularly for those times when you are trying to rest or sleep but are having anxious thoughts.

Hope things are better for you soon

Do you have Home Start in your area? If so, ask your HV to refer you

They were a lifesaver for me. I had a lady come round a few times to chat and they also ran a special baby group for Mums with PND. It made such a difference to me

Any chance your mum could come and stay for a bit to keep you company and cook you some meals etc? (If you get on well, that is.)

In our area there is a support group for mothers with PND - basically just coffee, cake and chat. Anything similar in your area?

If you are breastfeeding then BF groups can be absolutely brilliant in the early days as there is no expectation there and you can just sit and feed baby.

Were you part of an NCT or other antenatal group? If so, any chance for meeting some of them for coffee?

If you're happy to say which area of the country you're in then I suspect you'll get lots of more tailored suggestions as to what might suit you at this specific stage in terms of company and support without pressure/commitment. There is quite a lot out there in terms of supportive groups where you can find a coffee and a chat but it can be hard to know where to look without some recommendations.