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Original poster

Would you give up your cats for this?

28 replies

Murrfect · 13/01/2020 12:56

I love my cats. They are 6 and 12 and they are funny affectionate playful wonderful

My mum adores cats she’s 80 and her cat is 20. She got very upset a few months ago as she is very frail and so is her cat saying that she would be totally alone when her cat died as she was too old to have another. I suggested fostering an elderly cat but she said a definite no that she didn’t want a cat that might have to be handed back or a cat she had to get to know. So as her cat was fine n the future is another country I suggested my cats could go to stay with her. She adores my cats and as I usually go to her n she isn’t mobile she doesn’t see them as much as she’d like, so she jumped at it.

But her cat is now really on its last legs, still happy but obviously not long.

The thing is she lives in a beautiful cottage in the middle of huge gardens lots of interesting corners and sheds, no roads, no other cats. She has a totally cat-friendly life and her world revolves around cat care. Best food, constant attention, everything.

I live in a terrace by a road that should be 10mph speed limit but sometimes people speed along it. The village is much more built up and our local wild spaces have gone in my cats lifetime. There are several other cats and they’ve had bites. They are a bit gentle and little compared to the others. I work full time and when I’m working I’m out 7am-6pm. They have to be shut in because of the other cats. They get lonely now as my dc have left to go to uni so their days are longer. I do get cat sitters in when I can but can’t afford/arrange it every day. But I love them and I’d miss them if they went to my mums although I see her at the weekend and during the week.

If I choose to move them to this wonderful life, of being spoilt, complete freedom and safety and make my mum happy, Ill make myself really unhappy. However I would get them back when mum does get too poorly to live independently.

I need to stop being selfish, please help me think positively. And no, I can’t move mum in with me, it wouldn’t be suitable for her.

OP posts:
SpaceCadet4000 · 13/01/2020 13:02

I would find it incredibly hard, even in these circumstances. Do you think your Mum would be up for becoming a foster for a local rescue organisation?

MsMellivora · 13/01/2020 13:04

No way you could live at your Mums at all or even just stay over a Night or two a week if she took them? Our lovely cat had his retirement at MIL house. DS was a really noisy toddler and though he didn’t chase the cat or be mean to it in any way the poor old thing just could not cope with the noise. So he had the most luxurious retirement at MIL, we also worked FT then. She lives a long way from us so we only saw him about three times a year and he only lived for a couple more years but it was a good decision for everyone. Good luck with your decision.

Original poster
Murrfect · 13/01/2020 13:04

Well that’s what I’ve suggested, and she’s done it before, but she has said a definite no to it.

OP posts:

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Cats
IHaveBrilloHair · 13/01/2020 13:06

Yes, so long as I could see them often.
I'd then get a couple more to have at home though, I couldn't live without cats.

lollypoplips · 13/01/2020 13:07

What makes you think your cats are lonely, especially since there are two of them? I've had cats all my life and although cats love human interaction they are well know to be independent and not needy like dogs. The only reason I would rehome my lovely cats is if I thought their loves were in danger or their behaviour had noticeably changed and believed they were unhappy. In my experience, cats come to love their owners lost as much as dogs do and they may well become unhappy without you!

Original poster
Murrfect · 13/01/2020 13:09

Thanks MsMellivora that made me tear up tbh

Yes I think me staying over will come at some point and after all they would come back to me..... but my cats! I wouldn’t let them in and out and be able to chat to them as though we are all people when it’s just me and them. They wouldn’t put their paws on me when I’m working and sit on my keyboard and bring me their toys... maybe I need a big cry and a brave smile. It’ll be ok I’ll still see them Sad

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 13/01/2020 13:12

It's a tough decision. I'm not sure. It sounds like it might be a good idea for the cats. Is she steady on her feet? I'm wondering whether they could be a tripping hazard for her. Falls are common in elderly people and can really set them back wrt independent living.

Whynosnowyet · 13/01/2020 13:16

She can have mine. Both in the ddog house for peeing on new ddog bed...
What's the address??
In your shoes I would let them go on an extended holiday..

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 13/01/2020 13:21

No I wouldn’t. I would help my mum get another cat and promise to look after it if she couldn’t.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 13/01/2020 13:27

No! Keep your cats. There are other options available to your mum. It's her decision to say no to those. You don't have to give yours up.

TopOftheNaughtyList · 13/01/2020 13:30

If you're out 7am to 6pm then you're not seeing your cats an awful lot anyway. Given your circumstances (cats shut in, neighbour cats aggressive, fast road etc) then I might consider it. However, you have to think about the cats' welfare too. They would have to get used to a new home and could stray /not come back. Also, when (if) they ever came back, it would be a harder adjustment for them to return to being shut in and worse environment (in terms of outside space) if they've become used to huge gardens. It's a difficult decision and I'm not sure I could do it.

Sparrowlegs248 · 13/01/2020 13:32

Yes I would. I have 1 cat and work part time but have 2 small children. I feel guilty about how she doesn't get anywhere near the level of attention she used to.. She'd love a home like your mum's. Not in Norfolk is she?

JayAlfredPrufrock · 13/01/2020 13:34

I would. I sent my cat to my mums when a friend told me she’d seen her crossing the main road. I’d already lost her brother to the road.

When mum died she came back to live with me in a different house.

BabyMoonPie · 13/01/2020 13:37

I wouldn't. I don't think it would be fair on the cats to move them to an environment where they have safe roaming and lots of attention and then bring them back to you (assuming you're living in the same place and working the same hours)

user1493413286 · 13/01/2020 13:38

I wouldn’t if I’m honest. I’d say to your mum to get an older cat and then be prepared to take the cat on if your mum can no longer look after it. I think it’s a bit selfish really for your mum to say no to all the other options but be ok with having your cats which would take away your joy from them.
I doubt your cats do get lonely to be honest; what you describe is a relatively normal life for a cat although I wouldn’t keep mine in because of other cats. Fighting is the animal world and as long as your home can be a safe place that other cats don’t/can’t come into then that’s enough

WorraLiberty · 13/01/2020 13:41

I wouldn’t if I’m honest. I’d say to your mum to get an older cat and then be prepared to take the cat on if your mum can no longer look after it. I think it’s a bit selfish really for your mum to say no to all the other options but be ok with having your cats which would take away your joy from them.

This ^^

I'm sure there are plenty of cat rescue places who could find your mum the perfect cat for her.

Jaxhog · 13/01/2020 13:41

Maybe. But don't get more cats yourself. It will be very traumatic when the cats come back to you. Not only will they have to get used to a less safe environment, but they'll have to fit in with the new resident cats too. That will be quite stressful for them.

Couldn't your mum adopt an older cat?

Original poster
Murrfect · 13/01/2020 13:52

Thanks for all your comments. They are appreciated.

JayAlfred that’s probably what I’ll do, in the future I’d probably sell both properties and buy somewhere more cat friendly than here but without the acres. Or move to mums which is very beautiful and sell/rent mine. I probably wouldn’t move them back here. I don’t keep them in all the time, they are free to go in and out when me, the dc or cat sitters are here and they usually go out at night as there’s not much traffic and the fiercest cat is kept in. But there they would have total freedom. Or be selfish and say to mum that it must be a CPL/RSPCA foster as some poor elderly cat needs her...

It’s hard, I’m not sure, I’m hoping her cat is just having a wobble.

OP posts:
Original poster
Murrfect · 13/01/2020 13:55

I wouldn’t get another cat myself but mine would probably adapt to an older cat. They are quite cat-friendly and have had neighbourhood cats as grooming friends but they’ve died (one from car accident injuries)

OP posts:
liviadrusilla · 13/01/2020 14:13

No, you don't owe your mother your cats and I would never send mine away. It doesn't sound at all like your cats have an unhappy life so I don't think it's a benefit to them either. If she won't give another cat a home that's her decision. Your solution of her fostering sounds potentially ideal or the idea of her adopting an older cat (which you could take on) is you already being supportive, no need to give up yours and make yourself unhappy!

Original poster
Murrfect · 13/01/2020 14:22

And that’s just it my head says JayAlfredPrufrock is totally right and there are lots of benefits and my head says liviadrusilla totally has the situation right and I can help her adopt an old cat who needs a loving home even though she doesn’t want to and my cats would be happy there and I’d see them regularly and I would get them back eventually

I’m torn, I truly am

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 13/01/2020 14:27

Don't decide right now. Give yourself a bit longer to think, something may turn up that changes things!

fantasmasgoria1 · 13/01/2020 14:42

I think for you it's a difficult decision because of all your mum can offer cats. But my cat is a loved, treasured and integral part of my family and I could never part with her no matter what. Even though you don't see your cats all day you still have their company in the evening and days off, their presence during the night.

SandAndSea · 13/01/2020 15:06

I've recently seen an elderly cat being offered for permanent fostering with all expenses paid, because he's elderly. I'm sure if you spoke to your local cat rescuers, they would jump at the chance to match a cat up to your mum's needs.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 13/01/2020 16:26

I think it would be harsh on your cats to move house and owner. There must be loads of mature cats in rescue who have been relinquished by elderly owners. She should get one (or two) of those.

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