Anyone up late? Please help a new mum!

[Ohdear8]

Hi MN.
I gave birth 5 days ago to my much longed for baby boy. He's my first baby and I want to do the very best I can for him.
Unfortunately I was not very successful with breastfeeding. My nipples were torn up and bleeding by day 3. So on day 4 we caved and got a hand pump and some formula so I could try and rehydrate in order to pump. I did manage to give him all my colostrum at least.
I got DP to give him the formula bc I was so upset that I just cried. My midwife didn't really help as she made me feel kind of judged for pumping rather than having him on the breast.
He has had a total of 3 formula feeds, with the rest being pumped breast milk. He is a hungry/sucky baby and gulps it down happily.
I thought that we had finally cracked feeding today but then he's had a very watery yellow nappy that smells of vinegar.

I've looked around on the internet- have I made my son sick by combined feeding methods??
Now that I'm up and worried about him I can't stop and now I'm even freaking out about the noises he makes when he breathes!
He is only 5 days old and I already feel that I have failed him.
Please help

Has your midwife offered to refer you to a feeding specialist? There should be clinics available you can go to for support with getting the latch right. I'd also recommend nipple shields - they were a godsend with my first when I was cracked and bleeding, and we successfully breastfed until a year then :)

Pls don't panic. This was me with my first DD. Fed is best - however you do it. I combination fed mine in the end by pumping for 3 months - and topping up with formula. In retrospect I wish I'd moved to FF sooner as pumping for all feeds took up so much time that I could have spent cuddling her. At the moment it feels like everything as all they do is eat and sleep but as another post said this bit goes so fast and being a mum is so much more than feeding.

Hello! Has baby been checked for tongue tie? Do ask. Nipples sore - yes normal for a while. Cracked and bleeding shallow latch? Could be normal could be TT. WS with my second baby. you’re doing brilliantly

Another thing that helped me: watch some videos of a good latch on YouTube and also look at the asymmetrical position of the baby. Take the baby off the nipple and make them relatch every time the latch isn’t right.

Don't be afraid to speak up about feeling miserable, yes it can be baby blues with all the hormonal shift after giving birth, but if it carrys on, tell your midwife or speak to your doctor. There is no shame in saying that you are struggling. If your baby is feeding better on formula & you don't want to try breast feeding again, don't feel guilty, there is enormous pressure to bf which doesn't help when you are in pain, dreading the next feed because you know it will hurt, worn out from sleep deprivation, your baby will still thrive & grow with formula.

My baby was combination fed from birth to 3 months (I never had much milk and was ill when she was born) and she's fine, she's big and healthy and currently trying to lick my head. Your baby will be fine too don't worry!

Please don't worry, my premie was combination fed from birth.

That throwing up so it comes out of the nose isn’t unusual- gutting after all the effort you’ve gone to in order to get the food in, but happens when they eat too fast / too much - their tummies are tiny. It’s not “vomiting” as such, more regurgitation- it doesn’t mean he’s ill. When he’s bigger he’ll be able to coat you from head to toe with one of those. If you’re lucky, you’ll be somewhere like on a plane when it happens!

If you want to breastfeed, I would try to get to a breastfeeding group where someone can have a look at his latch/positioning. The latch will be why your nipples are in bits, and also why he might resist going on the breast.

You have not broken him. Combination feeding is fine. Pumping is tough, and if he can feed directly from the breast then it makes life easier for you in the long run. Nothing is lost. Get the good advice at this stage.

Thank you all for your messages- I have had the midwife come and she is very happy with the baby, and with the amount I'm managing to pump.

She has recommended local breastfeeding services but said it's fine for me to keep pumping until my nipples are healed. I am more than willing to try again with breastfeeding when I am healed up with help from a lactation specialist.

I tend to have good days with the baby, but the nights are scary because you feel so alone. I have family visiting later in the week for support.

Thanks again. Its certainly a scary time!

Please dont worry about the milk coming out of his nose. My ds was a puker extraordinaire, or as DH put it 'is that baby really leaking again'
His party trick was vomiting out of his nose.

Ds was also mix fed from 3 days old. And did perfectly well with it.

I'm glad you're feeling better.
Night time is a bit more stressful but as this thread has shown, even at 1am you'll find other people to chat to.
You're doing a great job with your baby. I'm sure everything will get easier before you know it.