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Original poster

Never fancy anyone on online dating.

30 replies

Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 17:18

Anyone else?

I've noticed the men on it tend to be either big muscly sorts - hunky but just not my type, too 'extra', you know. And doubt they'd be interested in me either.

Or they are scruffy AF. Tbf I don't like beards and everyone seems to have those these days but... even apart from that.

Or they are weirdos who take photos of themselves wearing sunglasses and not even facing the camera (oh gee, I wonder why xD)

I mean, I'm pretty plain and I don't think I shoot too far out of my league...well, maybe when I've had a dram lol but generally not. So if I don't find any of them attractive...

Starting to wonder if i should move city lol. But I have noticed cute guys in the city near me...on occasion...

I scrolled through about 15 pages on pof the other night and couldn't find any I felt an initial attraction to.

Anyone else find this?
And if you are having any luck - where are you and what do you fancy in a guy?

OP posts:
GreenSloth12 · 12/01/2020 17:22

Keep positive, I was finding the same but then met the love of my life on plenty of fish! So glad I kept looking :)

Duvetdaysarethebest · 12/01/2020 17:23

I was about to give up on online dating and tried Tinder as a last ditch effort - I swiped right on a gorgeous bloke thinking 'he's too bloody gorgeous but fuck it!' He matched with me and 6 months down the line we're perfect for each other. It's a numbers game...keep in it! POF is notoriously bad!

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 17:27

Aww that's great! Good to hear there are positive outcomes greensloth12

I don't think online dating is really my scene. But wouldn't rule out looking again in future.

OP posts:

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General relationships
FredaFox · 12/01/2020 17:30

I found that since hitting 40 the men in my age bracket seem haggard, I look in the 30s bracket and I see nice groomed interesting men in too old for, 40s men seem to have something missing and are only looking for something casual
What sites do you recommend? Recently tried badoo which has changed massively since I tried it years ago

Singletomingle · 12/01/2020 17:45

Sometimes it pays to take a chance. I'm tend to be attracted to women who I get along with rather than to looks alone. So online dating isnt straight forward but using badoo I took a chance on someone who I kept bumping into. We hit it off immediately and things are just amazing from there on.

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 18:12

Hey Freda, i remember trying badoo in my early twenties and making a few friends, no romantic interests though! Worth trying again?

Hmm...match.com maybe?

Recently turned 31 but funnily enough when I was 30 I thought I'd try setting my age to 29 to see if it made a difference and yeah, far more ppl showed interest. Think a lot of ppl do their cut off age at 29/39/49 ect... :/

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Therewere5inthebed · 12/01/2020 18:37

You have to trawl through plenty of ‘not quite rights’ and narcissists before you hit the jackpot according to a friend that has been on and off with online dating, she is now in a 6 month long relationship and is very happy.
I met my now 15 yrs DH after dating two others so I guess I was lucky.

Itsashame · 12/01/2020 18:40

I would struggle to find someone attractive by their photo only. I often only fancy someone when I’ve met them

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/01/2020 18:50

Agree with only fancying people once you meet them / get talking to them. Particularly from photos which are by their very nature a false sense of who somebody is (posed and momentary), just seeing somebody doesn’t give you any idea of who they are. How often do you see somebody in the street or a pub even and really think you fancy them - probably not often.

Boyfriend and I were in a bar on holiday and got talking for a bit to another couple. We both said after they left that they were very cute and fanciable (we do this, it is normal for us) because of their personalities and senses of humour and that made them fanciable and increased their physical attractiveness somehow even though had we just seen them we wouldn’t have really looked at them twice.

Do you read profiles before you discard based on photos alone? Send messages?

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/01/2020 18:55

Also, I’ve always tried to give men a bit of slack before judging their photos. I think when it comes to OLD men have it slightly more difficult on the photos front because of fewer photo opportunities: a lot of women take endless photos of themselves and their friends doing everything whereas most of the men I know only really get photographed at weddings, on special occasions, on holiday etc and wouldn’t dream of asking a mate to take a “nice normal” photo of them just as and when. Hence more bad selfies and photos gesturing them drinking or doing sports.

MirriMazDuur · 12/01/2020 18:59

Badoo is the worst of them all. Unless you want messages from skanky old men telling you they like fishnet tights, or that they like cunt and cock as their first message to you. Or saying things like 'how does a bloke lik mi get to stand wiv an angel lik u?'

MirriMazDuur · 12/01/2020 19:02

That's interesting you say that about men taking photos of themselves. I'm always tempted to message some guys just to suggest they retake their profile picture so it's not one of them in bed, taken with them looking down on the camera so they have a massive double chin.

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 19:02

Yeah I think a personality can swing it but i have to be able to at least think that a possibility when i see the profile pic y'know.

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Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 19:06

Ugh I have shit pics too, I don't really wear makeup day to day so I have to wait till I have an occasion and then take pics, or put it on solely to snap a few. But I would you know. So I don't think guys have any excuse not to at least put on a shirt and wash their hair. But yeah we are lucky at least that we can doll ourselves up more.

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Wasail · 12/01/2020 19:10

I’m finding this too OP. If he uses photos with another women in them it’s a no, if he says he “likes all the normal things” no. I did swipe a guy who inadvertently took a selfie with his arse in it (reflected in the mirror behind him Grin) but the feeling wasn’t mutual.
I’m only on Bumble atm but it’s bloody useless where I live and no one is interested in anyone who is more than 30miles away,

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 19:13

Haha arse guy was aptly, an arse then? xD

Yeah, think if I moved back to my home town it would be like that. But there were definitely better looking men around in day to day life there...I think...unless it's a wistful memory lol. You'd think ppl would have more luck in the city but clearly not

OP posts:
Wasail · 12/01/2020 19:19

I spent the night in Cardiff recently and picked up 42 likes in one evening. That’s more interest than I have had in 3 months where I live.
Is a sarcastic sense of humour considered a good thing? I’m really not a fan of sarcasm but so many men put it on their profile. I guess it makes things easier for me.

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 19:26

Hmm...i think i would tend to avoid that because I used to attract narcissists something fierce so I shy away from anything that suggests they might be mean gits. But you never know.

I was talking to a guy with 'you need to love me at my worst to deserve me at my best' on his profile, who messaged me the other day. I just straight out asked him if that 'worst' was that he was a gin drinker...or had a cluster b personality disorder. He sorta skirted the question and also said 'I'm not gonna lie, I've been told I'm a little crazy'. That was warning enough for me. Toodles mate.

OP posts:
Wasail · 12/01/2020 19:42

Haha! The nice thing about Bumble is that the female sends the first message, no one like that would make it that far.
I had a guy correct my spelling but get the correction incorrect, immediate ghosting there.
I’m 48 and wondering if a photo of me on a SUP with bare legs is too much? I don’t wear makeup either so my selfies are a bit flat.

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 21:05

What's an sup?
Meh, go for it, show a bit of leg. Stick a bit of red lippy on just for the pic maybe? Might make it pop.

I've only tried bumble once to make female friends - and it was a catfish. 'She' didn't show but a young lad and his mate did and sat at a table nearby and made it really obvious it had been them :/ FML lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 21:05
  • a SUP
OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 12/01/2020 21:07

Agree with others - I really don't think you can tell from photos. I've done OLD and I am a big advocate of having a quick look at someone, going with your gut, and arranging to meet for coffee. That way, the worst you face is a gruellingly dull half hour (or at the outside, beating a hasty retreat), but it is much more efficient than scrolling for weeks or exchanging awkwardly pretentious messages fo days.

I met my DP online and I think we exchanged all of three messages before meeting in person.

Original poster
Pinkbonbon · 12/01/2020 21:13

Definitely agree with meeting ppl quickly. Life is too short.

But I think you know when you definitely wouldn't fancy someone (regardless of their personality) from their pics. Some of them you think 'personality might swing it' but a lot wouldn't be your type anyway.

OP posts:
Itsashame · 12/01/2020 21:44

I know so many people (myself included) who went on to marry someone who wasn’t their type op! It happens.

Wasail · 12/01/2020 22:13

SUP = stand up paddle board. It’s very popular round theses parts but it’s hard to look graceful and elegant on one Blush.