I’m very quiet in group social settings, partner is very loud and chatty

[Jaybird100]

We are both chatty in one to one settings but I go extremely quiet in group settings due to fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of saying something boring, potential embarrassment of being unheard in the group, etc. I’ve always been like this but very bubbly and loud in one to one convos.

Partner is very loud and extroverted in all social situations and is usually the one who is leading the conversation and making everyone howl with laughter in group convos.

Is it weird when two parts of the couple can be so different? & any advice for me to not feel so fearful in group settings (I’m very comfortable being loud and chatty in one to one settings).

Aren’t you just as likely to ‘say the wrong thing’ or be boring in a one-to-one? What’s different in a group?

I guess more people, more risk. If I think what I’ve said is okay but the other thinks it’s odd in a 1 to 1, it’s like 1 opinion on either side. In a group situation, multiple people could think I’m weird and all have evidence of it I guess.

It seems rather self-aggrandising to imagine your contributions to a group situation are going to be analysed in such detail, though?

im the loud chatty one my OH is the quiet one depends on the setting in the bike club he talks plenty about motorbikes , at other functions or settings he hardly says a word all night but still enjoys the night out

Thanks so far for the replies

Dh hates groups of people and so just avoids those situations. I'm happy in a group so I just go by myself. Funnily enough though dh is much more of an extrovert and is happy to talk on the phone all the time and have people popping in regularly whereas I like my peace and quiet and feel my home is my sanctuary away from being social. We just compromise. As I say I go out with my big group of friends and every now and then he'll show his face at one of those nights out. He respects my need to not have people at our house a lot but I accept that he does what people over and I need to be more sociable sometimes! Couples shouldn't be carbon copies of each other personality wise!

I'm much happier with one-to-one as well. I hate that feeling in a group when you say something and everyone is looking at you. Not self-aggrandising just shyness.

My DH is quieter than me.

We were out at a family do recently. I was sat more with his Aunts and my DSIL and DN & DN.

At the end of the night one DA made the comment it's so bizarre Defender is so funny and chatty and DH is just not. They were laughing and it wasn't meant in a rude way.

We are so different but after 20 years, must work fine.

DH & I are like that. I'm fairly quiet, he's extremely childish naturally extroverted & quick witted. I just don't particularly consider that I'm very interesting, I'd rather listen in a group, especially if I don't know them all extremely well. One-to-one, however, I manage fine, & DH claims I'm really funny & interesting. I think he's probably just being nice...

This is totally me and DP. I take longer to get to know people but when I do they realise how amazing I am . In all seriousness I don’t judge couples like this at all, I think it’s a nice balance. As long as the quiet person is nice but reserved rather than just rude - DP’s BIL never says a word but that’s because he can’t be bothered so I do judge him.