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Original poster

Concern of safety?

16 replies

Kharlin · 12/01/2020 05:13

I've never done this before, but I don't have any friends to ask for advice.

My fiancee and I have been together three years now. We have a nine month old son and are currently living with my parents because we fell on hard times when he was laid off last January.
We've had our ups and downs but overall we have had a happy and successful relationship.
Last December when I was about 6 months pregnant we got into a heated arguement and he pinned me to the bed with his hands around my neck. I'm not saying he choked me, but he could've if he wanted to. We talked about it and he said he didnt choke me and blamed his actions on me because he thought I was going to hit him, but I wasn't. We haven't talked about it since.

Tonight we were laying in bed and our son was crawling on him and I was watching something on tv. I pulled the baby off of him about four times before I told him to deal with him, himself.
I admit I had a tone because he kept interrupting me, but he grabbed the neck of my shirt and kept yanking it towards him. I tried to push him off with my feet but he wouldn't stop yanking and I accidentally kicked him in the chin. It obviously made him mad so he grabbed me by the neck and pinned me again.

I'm really not sure how to feel about it. It made me angry and I took my ring off.

He's a loving father. He provides well for my son and I. My family likes him. I love him very much, but since this has happened twice I don't want to ignore red flags and risk worse in the future.

OP posts:
lostsoulsunited · 12/01/2020 05:15

You need to leave, get all your important paperwork and get to family or a refuge today.

lostsoulsunited · 12/01/2020 05:16

Sorry just saw you are living with your parents. Get them to kick him out and involve the police if you need to.

Toomanygerbils · 12/01/2020 05:20

I’m confused, first of all him grabbing you via the neck is never right. You would be definitely right to leave him for this. But what was the baby doing and why were you annoyed at you fiancé interrupting you because of it?

Original poster
Kharlin · 12/01/2020 05:22

My son was on the bed as well. He was just watching us.

OP posts:
Toomanygerbils · 12/01/2020 05:24

“ I pulled the baby off of him about four times before I told him to deal with him, himself. I admit I had a tone because he kept interrupting me“. This is the bit confusing me? But is the baby ok, that’s the main concern here?

Original poster
Kharlin · 12/01/2020 05:24

I was watching a TV show. I was annoyed because my fiancee kept asking me to get the baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kharlin · 12/01/2020 05:25

Yes my son is fine. He wasn't hurt at all

OP posts:
CherryPlum · 12/01/2020 05:28

He sounds dangerous and as though a 'red mist' descends on him - he doesn't seem in control of himself and I would be very worried about how far he could take it. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

Toomanygerbils · 12/01/2020 05:29

That’s good, he’s too young to remember this, and hope that you’ll get help so it doesn’t repeat itself when he’s older. A man treating you this way won’t change for the better, it’ll only get worse, and your child will remember then

GiveHerHellFromUs · 12/01/2020 05:34

It must have been a big bed for your son not to be affected at all.

He's asserting his dominance over you by showing he could really hurt you if he wanted to. He needs to leave.

Original poster
Kharlin · 12/01/2020 05:40

I think so too. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Kharlin · 12/01/2020 05:42

I just had to make sure I wasn't overreacting. I appreciate everyone's input. Thank you all.

OP posts:
annielennoxstuckinmyhead · 12/01/2020 05:42

He's not a loving father if he can do that in front of his child.

lostsoulsunited · 12/01/2020 05:45

What Annielrnnox said

Wereallsquare · 12/01/2020 05:51

If a man puts his hands around your neck, he WILL murder you. It is a fact. You need to get away from that disgusting abuser NOW. I am so tired of women here posting about absolute losers, calling them "loving parters other than putting hands on me" and good fathers when they are abusing you in front of the children. Wake up out of your stupor and see this abusive creep for what he is: the man who has the potential to kill you and leave your child motherless.

Wereallsquare · 12/01/2020 06:01

I apologise for my passionate tone. I lost a close relative to domestic violence and my family has never recovered from it. You are in a position to end this before things escalate. Please end it today. He is living with your family so you can definitely put him out. Explain to your family what happened and they will understand that NONE of it is your fault. He is wrong. I am sorry you are in this situation. Once you get rid of him. I advise you to get some therapy so that you never find yourself in this situation again. It concerns me that you are blaming yourself for his abuse of you. Good luck.

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