How to not be rude...?

[OldSpeclkledHen]

Iim rude. I know it. Other people certainly know it.

How can I change?

Be less abrupt...!

We need a bit more context to help here.

Basics like greeting people, please and thank you, saying goodbye, tone of voice or did you mean something else?

Just because you’re thinking it, doesn’t mean you have to say it.

My face gives it away unfortunately.

Mine does too. I can't hide it

Same.

Saying that your face gives it away is somewhat lazy. We can all give a slight smile. Nodding and agreeing also helps to show that you are communicating too. Not tapping your feet, or huffing when someone speaks can help to reduce the hostility. Ok, that is all Anglo based communication. It varies from culture to culture. I live elsewhere in Europe and I have to double check my British culture does not offend or impede communication.

I rolled my eyes... didn't even realise I did it 🙄🙄 pun intended there!
Feeling quite hurt by the comments my colleagues made yesterday.

Thanks you MN

What did your colleague say? Was s/he rude?

I often say to my daughter, when I've asked her what's wrong, and she manages to force out between gritted teeth 'NOTHING', that she ought to sue her face for slander. And we admonish her to never, we say never, try to play poker.

Pretend you have had Botox inserted into your face and don't respond instantly lol. I know a few people who's facial expressions give away how they feel before they open their mouth, me included. Some people need to be kept in check though. But, seriously - keep stum for a bit and think though your response.
Are you generally rude for no reason?
Or are you a generally pleasant person who is rude to people who are rude to you first?
Are you happy?

I empathise OP. I've had this trouble all my life - I generally want to fall in with what others want to do and be agreeable, but I find it quite hard to pretend convincingly. My mother and sister have berated me many times in the past for the fact that my statements didn't match my face. Unfortunately the alternative is being honest, which means then getting berated for having inconvenient feelings that the other person doesn't want you to have. What they really want is for you to genuinely feel completely different, or at the very least convincingly act like you do. But you can't. Thus, conflict.

I will watch with interest for good acting tips!!

Were your colleagues comments actually rude or are you just sensitive?
Were their comments constructive criticism?
Would you have received their comments better if they had been relayed to you differently (i.e. in private, on a 1:1 basis and not in a group/open plan environment, etc)?

@ContessaferJones
Stay true to yourself. Absolutely no need to conform to what other people want you to do if it's not what you want.
Some people like the honest people, so they can use us as the 'Bad Cop'. We say everything that they would like to say and do, but do not have the confidence to do so. They subsequently remain untouched as the Good Cop. It really shouldn't be a massive problem in your life, as long as you're generally a nice, decent person at heart. As long as you have empathy and are not intentionally rude to hurt other people's feelings and are being a b.