Learning to drive in your 40s? Please reassure me!

[legodisasterzone]

Hi

I'm now in my mid 40s and can't drive.
It's the biggest regret of my life that I didn't stick with lessons I began in my 20s.
I gave up- I had terrible PND at the time and with the benefit of hindsight, it was the worst time to take lessons.
I was anxious, stressed and unable to fully concentrate. I also felt terrified that I was in charge of what could be a dangerous weapon. I became convinced I was inept and would cause an accident, although my instructor reassured me that I was doing well.

So, fast forward almost 20 years and I now desperately need to be able to drive.
I'm now a full time carer for my disabled child and live in an area with rubbish public transport (she feels very vulnerable on the bus too).
I also really need my independence back and to end the isolation I experience daily.

DH drives and happily takes us wherever we need to be, but he works long hours and I want to work to my own timetable and not rely on him.

So my plan is to bite the bullet and book some lessons.
I'm not telling anyone and will just keep it on the QT, but I am TERRIFIED.
I've decided I need to learn in an automatic, as last time I found the gears really difficult.

Has anybody learned to drive later in life and how did you find it?
Moreover, is it even possible when I'm so nervous and lacking in confidence?

I'm generally a positive person, despite how I come across in this post (!) but I don't know how to get into the right mindset.
TIA

@legodisasterzone

I took a few lessons in my twenties but a combination of the expense and the idea that I would be a terrible driver made my give it up. I was completely convinced that I would never be able to learn.

For a few years we lived in a tiny hamlet in France - no shops, no bus service and a permanent population of around 60. One day my husband got taken ill with a serious infection, was admitted to hospital in a town 25KM away. I was on my own with no money, no transport and four small children (plus assorted livestock) and no way to get to the shops or bank, couldn't visit my husband in hospital, etc. If we hadn't had a few really kind neighbours we would literally have run out of food - DH was in hospital for two weeks.

I promised myself, regardless of expense, come hell or highwater, I was going to learn to drive. As soon as we returned to the UK I booked driving lessons (I was nearly 41 at this point) I was still convinced that I would be a terrible driver so that held me back and it took me longer to learn than it should have done - just a lack of confidence really. There were times when I wanted to pack it in but the thought of ever being stuck somewhere again made me persevere.

And I did learn. And it was honestly the best thing I ever did. I've been happily driving myself around for more than fifteen years now.

So it can be done. I urge you to go for it and I wish you lots of luck.

I finally learned to drive age 54 after having lessons on and off since 18. I couldn't master gears at all and just gave up

I returned to work after being sahm for many years and the confidence boost that gave me spurred me on. Learned in an automatic with a fabulous instructor- didn't enjoy the lessons but made myself continue.

Failed first test through nerves but sailed through the second- been driving now for a couple of years. I'm never going to be the most confident of drivers but I enjoy the independance it gives me

I learnt to drive at 47 after 2 years of lessons. I'm not a natural driver if there is such a thing but I'm now a good driver. I was very nervous while learning and that and my lack of confidence led me to make lots of mistakes and affected my ability to listen to the instucter. But I got there in the end despite hating every lesson.

One of my friends passed her test last year at 43. Like you she had previously had some lessons in her 20's. She decided to book a week-long intensive course instead of one lesson per week. She failed her test first attempt but put in for it again straight away and had a couple of additional lessons. Passed second time. She then went out and bought a car immediately.

So she had taken lessons, passed her test and bought a car within 6 weeks!

It's totally doable. Try to find an instructor who is good with nervous drivers - many companies advertise this so look for reviews from previous learners.

I passed my test last year age 39. Learning to drive was one of the hardest, scariest, most intense, loneliest things I've ever done. And what made it even harder was that almost NO ONE understands! Either because they were gung ho teenagers when they did their own test, or it was so long ago they have forgotten the terror. So please rest assured you are not the only one who is terrified. It's a big deal

The good news is that it is 100% worth all of the terror and pain for the freedom and independence it gives you. Keep at it, you can do this. There is no shortcut around the fear sadly, it's just something you have to go through, but your confidence will build over time and this time next year, you wont recognise yourself. Good luck!

I took lessons when I was 17, failed my test and gave it up.

I relearned two years ago aged 37 and it was fine! I think I'm probably more risk averse now as I'm now aware of what could go wrong, so I did have to give myself a talking to now and again (I still do!) as I can tend towards being a nervous driver. But honestly it felt much easier learning as a 'grown up'. You will be fine!

I learnt to drive aged about 41. It definitely doesn't come naturally at that age, but actually I was fine and passed first time (in a manual car).
You need a calm and reassuring instructor, that will make all the difference. Go for it!

I just turned 50 and I'm about to take my test after never wanting to learn. Now I can't wait to have independence. Go for it!

DBIL is 49, we bought him an introductory set of lessons for his birthday last year. It is now almost a year later and he still hasn't taken his practical test, but he's finally reached the point of enjoying his lessons (he's now with a second instructor). I reckon he'll take his practical around Easter now that he's getting the hang of it. So yes it's taken him longer to learn but it's worth doing.

@PegHughes Why didn't you just get a voiture sans permis? Was it because you knew you were coming back to the UK anyway?

I will probably learn to drive a moped or something, if a vehicle becomes necessary. I don't relish the cost of running a car if I'm only likely to get a minimum wage job. That always seems like the definition of futility, spending most of your wage on the car that you only have because you need it for your crappy job.

I'll give you an inspirational story. My DM learned to drive in her 60s and passed her test first time. If she can do it, you most certainly can

Yes,I learned at 36.

Expect to have a lesson for every year of your age ,that tends to be rule of thumb.

Go for it

This is good to read.

I'm 50 this year - never had the need or desire to drive because I commuted by train to work and cycled/walked everywhere else .

Now my kids are getting older, I need to ferry them about more, and I'm aware my parents are getting older and will probably need more help in the next few years .

I NEED to do it but I'm so nervous. I need a combination of a driving instructor and a therapist!

50 lessons?! Fook.