I am a 35 year old mother of 4. 7 year old twins and 2 teenagers.
Been with my partner over ten years not without hiccups been a few causes for concern over the years about where he’s been and with who with and all that although no proof of anything just his word.
My oldest two are from my previous relationship and my partner has bought them up from babies we decided to have one more as he never had children of his own cue the twins!
Feel like over the years I’ve spent a lot of time worrying about him and what he’s doing rather than concentrating more on my kids and myself and friends. Feel like I’ve lost a lot of friends along the way and a lot of myself.
He decided he wanted to leave last year which took me by complete surprise, said it was due to stress, we wasn’t getting on he had money worries but there was no one else involved.
During the couple of months he was gone he seemed to be living quite a good life, out a lot with people I’d never known him to mingle with before.
But now he’s back he’s still got His little perks to life, pub after work, curry night with the boys once a week as well as any nights out that come up.
I can’t help but feel jealous and bitter all the time I’m indoors. I feel like over the years he’s lost me some good friends with his man ways and lies but also friends that have got fed up with listening to me go on only to have him back and keep carrying on as things are.
He doesn’t take me out, we don’t do anything together.
He uses the fact that I have no life against me tells me i should get one and do something with my life makes me feel quite crap to be honest like there is something wrong with me.
I feel like I don’t know my own mind anymore due to all the doubts, feel insecure and worry about everything and anything.
I found some friendly txts on his phone last week from a lady who he was doing a private job for ages ago! both adding a kiss at the end, he lied all about it and instead of trying to explain he shouts and abuses me which prob says it all as he had actually worked for her just before he decided to leave, he had actually worked round there a few time’s but could only remember the two times last summer!
How can I change this all round? I don’t have anyone apart from him. The so called friends I have are really his friends and I feel they know more about him then I do.
I feel like a paranoid shadow of who I used to be before all the let downs and I know the obvious answer is he probably needs to go but I feel like if he went again I wouldn’t have anyone.
Feel like I do need something in my life to bring back the confidence I once had maybe then I wouldn’t allow him to treat me the way he does but I don’t know how.
Any advice welcome. I’m on the floor can’t get any lower.