Daughter being bullied - how do I help?

[LemonCakeCat]

My dd 11 has had a really awful couple of years due to awful anxiety which resulted in refusing to go to school. She started senior school in September and things seemed better but once again we are slipping back into her refusing to go.
We have finally got it out of her that 2 girls in her friendship group are being really nasty.....telling her she stinks. That shes ugly, making really personal comments about her appearance, comparing her to anything ugly or gross they see- you get the gist. One of the girls previously poured a bottle of drink over dds head.

Tonight we have had floods of tears and she cried herself to sleep. She has begged me not to tell the school as she thinks it will make it worse.
I dont want to go behind her back and break her trust but equally I cant ignore this now I know.
What do I do?

I would inform the school as nothing will get sorted if they don't know about it, I would keep her off tomorrow and spend some time with her talking more about what's going on and how you move forward from here, and inform her you will have to let school know on monday as these nasty girls need reprimanding and know what they are doing to your daughter is vile. Let us know how you get on. X

It can't get worse. Children who are being bullied feel so trapped and defeated and cannot see a way out. It's like any kind of abuse, the shame and keeping it secret dynamic. I'd be onto the school the moment the office opened tomorrow morning. It's the only way.

Just wanted to say sorry your daughter is going through such a difficult time. They sound horrid mean girls. It's so difficult when you are asked not to contact school. In my experience sometimes things resolved themselves eventually and there were other times when I had no option but to gain advice or support from school. Just keep reminding your dd it's not her and says everything about the type of people they are. Maybe encouragement to look out for new friends would be an good idea at this point. Hope you are ok watching it unfold is so so hard

It was heart breaking tonight. I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms and make everything better but she just wanted to be left alone.
I checked her phone a moment ago and found messages that someone has been spreading nasty rumours about her best friend also......I'm wondering if these girls are responsible for that too?

Shes such a beautiful little girl, I can only think that they are jealous.
I sat and stroked her for about an hour after she fell asleep. I'd love to give these nasty girls a piece of my mind!

Definitely tell the school. Do you know the parents?

Oh, love her heart - poor poor girl. I think you have to inform the school. When my son was bullied last year, his Head of Year took it very seriously, hauled the culprits out of class and put the fear of God into them and they've not so much as looked sideways at him since. I'd let her best friend's mum know about the rumours as well if you know her. if you both contact the school it will strengthen your case.

Oh my goodness, your lovely little girl. That sounds absolutely vile. I also think you should tell the school, in this instance you need to tell her that the only way forward is to include school so they can help. None of us can or should face bullying alone.
Also, perhaps between you and your daughter, try and minimise discussion of those girls, so you make it less about them being nasty and more about how amazing she is, and strong, and she can and will get through this. Could she also have a break from her phone maybe, so she isn't reading messages about all the shit being stirred? I think sometimes we need to step back out of it while we try and heal ourselves. Good luck.

If they were previously friends, do you know their parents? I'd go fucking nuclear if I found out my child was behaving so disgracefully.

I don't understand why some people are so vile to other people. I really hope your daughter is ok.

How was school yesterday #LemonCakeCat

Talk to the school, and if you don't get a response keep to ringing until you know what action they will take.

They other thing that helped my dc was that I hosted quite a few playdates and sleepovers with nicer dc to build up those friendships.