Happy with not having a busy life.

[Petals23]

I'm mid 40s and have always been introverted, however tried to fight it for years and went places and events that I didn't really want to go because I felt I should. In the last year or so I've become more comfortable with who I am and less of a people pleaser and now only want to attend things I want to. I don't have a big social life, but a small group of friends who I see occasionally. I enjoy reading and walking, and am never happier than settling down with a good book! I need lots of down time.

One thing I worry about though is that my boyfriend is more outgoing and likes a good night out. I do enjoy a couple of drinks and meals out but am not into big nights out or with crowds.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Oh god yes. I'm like you, totally.

I think one of the big benefits of being in your 40s is accepting what you like and stopping worrying about what you 'should' like. It's very liberating in my experience. Sometimes I regret the time I have wasted doing stuff that wasn't right for me, but then again my younger self would never have listened to reason (or other people's experience), and I just had to learn for myself.

I read something that caught my eye: busy is not a badge of honour and I totally agree.

You're not really talking about busy, just your level of sociability. Mismatched levels are fine if you are happy for him to meet up with mates without you and he's happy for you to stay in, and on occasion you both compromise for each other (you attend a party you'd rather not and he misses one he'd like to go to to stay home with you).

Exactly the same as you. Not a people pleaser anymore. X

I’m the same

I’m single by choice so no issues there

But starting to feel inadequate due to lack of career. However, I cannot cope with anything that requires more people interaction or indeed more being out of the flat, commuting etc.

Then again, if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I wouldn’t really be thinking “should have done better”.

Do you like to do various activities - is it just social ones you aren't fussed by?

I must admit I'm looking forward to Feb onwards, as since the beginning of December it's been nothing but socialising. I miss my time for writing, exercising and cooking.

I'm at a wedding this weekend, and seeing my dearest friends the weekend after - but already calculating when I can leave as I barely have time in my house!

cats presume that’s to the OP?

I’m wondering if anyone else feels pressure in terms of appearance as well. The standards of grooming that are expected of women put me off things.

Same here. I've just had a week off work and not left the house since Sunday (and haven't done much at home either.) I'll go out and meet friends and I'll occasionally go to gigs and other things like that but I prefer being at home. I'm 31, child free and single, but rarely feel lonely.

I do enjoy hiking and reading and do have friends that I meet up with and enjoy quiet nights out and walks with them. I just hate big and loud boozy nights out, which my boyfriend's family enjoy.

OP my best friend loves those as well

And likes to see our families as being a unit. Her sister gets really loud and obnoxious at these dos and they just find it funny. I told them bluntly that I was unable to cope - not with the sister, but just generally.

Sometimes honesty is the best policy.

Ditto op.... except I no longer like to go out in the eve! Very content with a good book and box set:)

I’m the same. I’m 46 and am becoming much more comfortable being just who I am. I’ve never enjoyed parties and big boozy nights out, I have many friends who do and always somehow felt like the boring one. But it’s who I am, I too am quite introverted and heavy nights out just leave me exhausted (more emotionally/mentally than physically!). I now enjoy seeing friends during the daytime for tea and cake in a cafe/garden centre etc or going to the cinema or seeing a show etc. It’s taking me a while to except this is me, I like nothing more than getting home and getting in my pj’s and watching a good film. DH family (especially MIL) love a party/wedding/or a big family get together (DH has a big family) but I often opt out, I’m sure they think I’m an unsociable and boring old moo but I don’t care anymore.