Sleep deprivation

[MylittleD]

I’m new to this. TBH only joined to rant.
My Daughter is almost 7 months old and still wakes every 1-2 hours at night. I’ve looked through every website and group looking for advice and I have tried everything. Nothing works!!!
She is breastfed (this is how she likes to fall asleep) She won’t take a dummy, I’ve tried on numerous occasions to give her one.
Now I have done everything to help her sleep longer and as I said nothing works for her. You name it I’ve tried it. I have come to the conclusion that it’s a sleep habit and I need to try stop it some how.
I’d love to know how others have night weaned. Success stories, advice, ideas??
I’m at the point now where I cry daily and don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Im not sure I can function like this for much longer.

Hi OP, We're just giving this a bump for you.

Sleep deprivation is HARD! I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my second so about to do it all again !!

Have you tried breaking the feed to sleep link? As soon as my daughter started to fall asleep I'd

I was you when my daughter was that age. She didn't night wean or let me sleep more than 3 hours in a row until she was 10 months old. But then BAM suddenly she shifted all in one go. Refused to breastfeed at all and slept all night through, like some switch went in her head.

You say you tried everything and nothing works so I will just hold out a comforting hand, say I've been there it was fucking horrible, and this WILL get better. Hang in there lovely. She won't be like this forever.

Sorry - posted too soon!!

As soon as my daughter fell asleep I'd slide her off the boob (pop your little finger in the corner of her mouth to break suction!). To start with the she'd instantly latch back on, then fall asleep again and repeat. It sounds tedious, but you're sat there with her anyway! After a while she got to learn that if ever she wanted to feed she could, I'd always give it her, but this also meant that she didn't mind giving it up either, because she knew she could have it back - essentially no fear that if I took it off her it was gone forever! This helped immensely in being able to put her down to sleep.

The every two hours thing is difficult, but she's presumably started weaning so this will get better the more she eats and the fuller she is - unfortunately it seems that breastfed babies just need feeding more often, especially if you feed on demand. However, if you teach her that despite having a boob taken off her she can have it back if she needs it, she might go longer instead of waking up and instantly thinking "Where did my food go!?!?".

I stopped breastfeeding at 9 months as my daughter had stopped asking or being bothered and I needed to start taking medication, and her sleeping did get better so I promise, this won't be forever!!!

Thank you for replying guys.
She is having 3 meals a day plus being breastfeed when she wants it. I’ve started to feel that with My baby’s kip there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
Sunday night was appalling, she was waking hourly throwing in a few 30 mins just to add to my pain.
I rang my HV on Monday morning in tears and she’s asked me to do controlled crying with her.
Now I’ve heard how brutal this can be so wasn’t keen on the idea but I am desperate.
We tried it on Monday night and her screams made my skin crawl. I hated it. She did eventually settle herself (she usually falls asleep on me with boob in her mouth) but then woke again 30/45 mins later to start the process again.
So over the last 3 nights she has learned to settle herself after crying (me or my OH going in every 10mins) but still waking every hour or so.
I’m not sure she’s ready to give up feeding in the night yet but with CC I’m not supposed to feed her at all.
So I have still fed her at 10pm Ish and 2am!! Is that wrong of me or do I go cold turkey on my girl??
I hope this makes sense and sorry for the long waffle. Writing this while she has her 30 min nap 😩.

Sorry I’m back.
Is it wrong of me to do CC full stop!!!
My head is so messed up from not getting any amount of decent sleep I don’t know what’s best to do.
She’s such a happy baby I don’t want to upset that. I’m happy she’s learned how to self settle just not sure if I should stop her feeding at might all together.
Feel a bit lost and confused.

Hi OP I have been there with my DD who is now 3 and I also have a 6 month old

Have you tried co sleeping? My DS uses me as a dummy all night but it's the only way I get any sleep and it's been a far better experience this time round rather than with my DD who I had a very similar experience to you

Hi,
We tried co sleeping but I didn’t like it. I slept less as my DD is a little wriggler.
I’m trying my best to trust it’ll get better/easier but so hard when it’s getting worse rather than better.

I personally wouldn't try controlled crying until she's much older - she'll have no concept of why you're doing it and like you said, no one likes it - she cries and it makes you feel awful - no one wins, and she'll still wake up seeking boob for comfort. We did a version of controlled crying when our daughter was 18 months old because she wouldn't be put to bed without falling asleep on one of us and it was taking over an hour some nights. After 6 months we'd had enough! But that was different - she understood bedtime, was able to self soothe easily (thumbsucker!) and had had several stints previously where she'd go to bed fine so we weren't trying to teach her anything from scratch. We went in after 3 minutes, soothed her, and left. Then went in after 4 minutes, soothed her and left etc. It took three nights before she was going to bed fine again. There was in fact barely any crying, just a mild whinge and then she gave in because she knew what we wanted her to do. I wouldn't have done it if she was screaming.

If I was you I'd try this:

• Break the feed to sleep cycle - it's a cycle that will always involve you because she's breastfed and she won't care whether it's 2am or not! Just unlatch her as she's falling asleep (but give it back if she asks!) and eventually she'll be happy to fall asleep without boob. I'm not saying it'll be quick, but it starts putting in place the ability for your partner to soothe her when she wakes instead. My daughter started sucking her thumb once I'd persuaded her she really didn't need my boob in her mouth whilst sleeping, and this meant she could self settle.
• Does she take a bottle? A short term solution if she does is feed her in the evening, for example 7pm, then go to bed and leave her with your partner. He then feeds her again at 10pm, and puts her down (which will be easier if you do step one first because she won't need a boob for this!). Then if she wakes at 2am, you've had maybe 4 or 5 hours sleep so getting up once or twice from then won't be so bad. It's not a permanent solution because it means you and your partner are like passing ships in the night but even for just a couple of weeks it might give you enough sleep to recoup.

At 7 months and being breastfed it's entirely possible she just isn't ready to go the night without a feed, but if you break the boob is comfort association, she might start waking up only when she's hungry which could be less instead of waking up and not being able to go back to sleep without it.

It's not easy - but it does get better. It's hard, but they're not little forever and it does get better. There are nice ways of teaching them things without going cold turkey.
Sending you hugs!!

I haven't got much advice, but it does get easier.

As I said my DD was like yours and I felt like I was going to die from lack of sleep (sounds so dramatic) From 1 years old she slept through from 6pm to 6am every night without fail until she was 3 (when I had my DS it unsettled her)

Good luck

Thank you again for replying!
She won’t take a bottle I’m afraid, not even with expressed milk.
I am happy to try again with her.
I will definitely try to break the feed, it’s seems a much nicer way than just allowing her to cry. I do think she still needs her night feeds (not as often as she’s been having being up hourly) so I’m not going to take that away from her.
I just wish she’d sleep longer for me. Even 3 hour stretches would be easier than ever hour or less.
I don’t expect her to sleep through the night just yet (as lovely as that’d be)

And yes, I do feel like I’m dying some days. I make myself worse by getting upset and using up what little energy I have by crying.

Thank you again for advice and comforting words ❤️

Hi OP
At her age, especially with 3 meals a day she absolutely does not need any night feeds.
You need to go cold turkey on night feeds. Give her dinner at 4:30/5pm and a final breastfeed at 7pm and that is enough to see her through the night. Your main issues are the feeding to sleep and the self settling. The reason she wakes after 30/45 minutes is because she's not yet able to link sleep cycles. In order to do this, it may require an element of CC if you're willing to try but she will get there eventually.
With CC, I always recommend 5,5,10 so you go in after 5 mins, pat her bum and say shh (never pick her up!!!) and leave. Set timer for another 5 mins, so the same, then 10 mins. If there are ANY breaks in her cries, it means she will settle eventually so I would leave her and not go in. If it retreats back to full blown cries then set timer for 5 mins & start again. When she wakes in the night though, at first, you need to do whatever it takes to get her back to sleep without a feed. Cuddle her, rock her, sing to her, anything!!! I'd also HIGHLY recommend white noise as a sleep association. Get a v.cheap machine off amazon and play it all night.
I won't lie, it's incredibly difficult and heart wrenching at first and you'll question your decision 100x over, but in order to be a good mum to her you need to give both of you an opportunity to get some decent sleep. She's ready, you just need to give her an opportunity to learn. There so many other pieces of advice I could give but I don't want to overwhelm. Good luck and most importantly, trust your instincts!!! X

Hi Muddypuddles

I’ve been kinda doing CC from Monday nights. Putting her down after last feed and bath routine and she cried for 30 mins (at the most, gradually getting less each night) but then still waking hourly. I have been feeding her still (twice, first at 10pm ands second at 2am) I suppose this is just giving her mixed messages.
I’ve been reluctant to go cold turkey on her as I wasn’t sure if she’d be hungry through the night and I guess I’m afraid of her screaming for hours during the night. She’s a stubborn one.
It seems like such a cruel way to do things but I am so so desperate now. I’m not functioning and my marriage is suffering as a result of this.

Hi there

I have a 7 month old also and so completely understand what you're going through. It sounds as though your LO has developed some negative sleep associations and that she needs these to get back to sleep once she's woken from a sleep cycle. Have you read up about circadian rhythms and the impact on infant sleep? If not then that would be a good place to start. There are gentle ways to break these sleep associations and help her to self soothe without crying. Sarah Ockwell-Smith (I think is her name) has some gentle solutions which are worth investigating. We also used a sleep consultant for our son (now 5) who was a terrible sleeper. Look at Millpond if you get chance. Expensive but worth every penny. They will guide you through it. The key is slowly trying to separate her feeds from sleep. So maybe feed downstairs and then quick bath and put down. Feeding to sleep is the biological norm but it's blooming hard work when they wake hourly! Good luck... really hope you get some longer stretches soon x

Hey.

I’ve loved feeding her to sleep, having cuddles and watching her nod off. It’s been one of my favourite things as a new mum.
It saddens me that I need to break this ‘habit’ but she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own and stay asleep for longer.
I’ll just cuddle her more during the day.
Thank you for your advice and taking the time to comment.
I’m going to try help her fall asleep on her own with as little tears as possible but at the same time hopefully teaching her to settle when she does wake without needing me to sooth/feed her.

I think it’ll be a long process but being consistent with what I do should eventually pay off.xx