Toddler won't get dresses do I...

[Motherofmonsters]

1. force him into his clothes.

2. sit it out until he eventually lets me do it with the possibility of staying in all day

I'm going to my mum's down the road with his cousins which we do all the time. I've said where were going and im pretty sure he understands and was excited initually

He's picked out the clothes that he's refusing to wear. He's merrily ignoring me now and playing with his cars

How old is he OP?

Very shortly after DD's not wanting to get dressed phase, she started dressing herself. I think she was battling me because she wanted to do it herself.

We're now a step further along again and she now gets the step from the bathroom to reach her shelves to choose her own clothes. Her attire is sometimes very interesting nowadays but I just go with it unless I want her to look nice for something in particular.

I have to say I have always been firm re messing around if we're getting ready to go out, otherwise it kind of spirals and becomes unmanageable.

I’d have asked him what he wanted to wear and not had the clothes laid out
He chose the clothes. It says in the OP. "He's picked out the clothes that he's refusing to wear."

You can't go be toddlers"control" they need boundaries, routine and closed choices.

Eg " do you want to get dressed by yourself or mum help?"

Not "when you're ready you can choose to get dressed.. "

Give toddlers*

I'm slightly horrified that you would even consider not going about your normal business because of what a toddler does or doesn't want to do.

Woman up and be the parent, who cares what name you attach to your parentling, you don't have to follow anyone else's rules but you do need to be in charge and your children need to know that.

Ha “gentle parenting”.
That’s the kinda shit that gets spouted by parents when PFB Gulliver sinks his teeth it to Persephone at Jolly Giggle playgroup. So mummy & daddy have a gentle chat with him!
Balls. Dress your kid and stop giving him all the control!

Jar of pasta saved my sanity with both my DCs at that age. 8yo DD remembers it so fondly she still asks if we can start it up again.

Mine gets dressed end of. Shes protested a lot but tough no pjs outside.

Just do what you'd have to do if he had a sibling who needed picking up from school on time.

Which is just stick his friggin clothes on him!

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Just to clarify

I don't usually just wait around for him I've spent many many weeks wrestling him into clothes. I just thought I would check what other people would do in the situation as people have different ways of doing things etc

I've seen on toothbrushing threads people saying don't restrain them that's wrong etc so thought I might get replies like that regarding wrestling him into clothes

I go down to my mum's with his cousins at least three times a week so it's not a special thing and I absolutely wouldn't miss appointments etc

I'll go back to wrestling and trying singing, races etc

@Motherofmonsters good luck OP if he kicks off just remember you're not alone. In someways I'm impressed with the new levels of kicky arching back whingyness my DC can find. It's just an annoying phase (hopefully) until they can dress themselves, then the dreaded task will be having to nag them to do it themselves lol. X

I haven’t seen the toothbrushing threads - what are you supposed to do?

down , brushing teeth is hugely important to preventing heart disease and preventable deadly infections, plus rotting teeth, etc. So people who are parents make it non-negotiable, no pandering and asking little miracle to let you brush their teeth, if little YouTube videos or begging doesn’t work, the kid gets held in place with parents legs and/or a blanket while their teeth get brushed, until they wise the fuck up.

It isn't at all wrong to restrain a reluctant toddler for either teeth cleaning or getting dressed. I did it and don't regret it.

Just do it and ignore any protests.

I'd agree with a pp that gentle parenting is a misnomer. There's no place for being half-arsed or wishy-washy with toddlers.

Just get hold of them and make whatever is necessary happen.

@CustomerCervixDepartment

I am giggling at some of these comments. My DD went through the not getting dressed phase. I tried the 'just get her dressed' approach I think 3 or 4 times as I totally agree that toddlers should not be lording it over parents. It did not go well always ended with both of us exhausted and in tears.

Turns out a three year old is stronger than you think (she fought like a banshee, never gave up) and as fast as you get them dressed they can get undressed.
I recognised that we only ever got to this horrible place when I was knackered and she was grumpy, so when that happened I upped my parenting, using some of the techniques other posters have already posted.

For some kids, I just don't think forcing them into their clothes works. I did take her out in her PJs on a few occasions but that didn't bother her either! I have a stubborn one.

Thanks. My 1 year old hates having teeth clean so I have to force it which is horrible but I’d rather that than him having to have his teeth removed due to them rotting etc. Was doubting myself there for a mo!

1) force him into his clothes.

That one. From experience, it is over and forgotten far quicker than if you spend ages trying to persuade them. The more you cajole, the more they dig their heels in. If you quickly overpower them the minute they say no, the whole thing is done and forgotten in about five minutes. I’ve wasted hours trying to pester DS into some clothes, and still ended up having to force him eventually.

Similarly leaving the house, brushing teeth, sitting on the potty. Once it’s happened, they cheer up and look around for something else to do. It’s not like they spend the whole morning crying about the loss of bodily autonomy (which I am conscious of! I’d rather not force them).

Personally my approach would be to sit and wait till he’s ready BUT he wouldn’t be allowed to play with cars etc while we waited, he’d just have to sit there and wait with me. If he started doing anything else I’d take the cars away and say “no, not until you’re dressed”.

I find boredom works better on a toddler than fighting with them!

Never underestimate the power of
a) doing a race
b) bribing with a tiny prize for victory in the race
c) doing mad shit like how many layers of clothes can you put in (just to change the mood)
d) taking him in his nappy with a fleece blanket to hand once he gets cold

Apologies to anyone who has never been in a stand off with a toddler and/or has never been desperate.

If all else fails then definitely forcible dressing rather than sitting around until he deigns to get dressed.

No child of mine is going to spend all day in pyjamas (unless they're sick).

I don't think it's helpful to view in terms of 'gentle parenting is wrong and this way is right' (or vice versa).

Toddlers are just all different. Some respond to games and counting to five. Some respond to carrying out threats (yes, mine would be mortified at being taken to nursery in her PJs, not she would not think it was great and let's do it again). And some respond to nothing but being made to do what they don't want.

There's nothing bad about recognising if your toddler (or your toddler on this specific day) falls into the last category. And it also doesn't mean other people who've (today, for now) ended up using a different approach were wrong or 'soft' or whatever.

Just means there's no sense trying to legislate for toddlers.