Feel like I'm drowning

[Fruitteatime]

I have two children, aged 6 and 1. We live in a two bed flat. When I'm feeling ok bathroom gets cleaned and floors get hoovered twice a month, half our food is cooked from scratch and washing is put away ready to wear. I hardly ever dust or clean the kitchen. When I'm struggling (this could be due to illness or pmt) you can't see the floor to hoover, I overeat and cook more meals from frozen and the babies cot is full of clean clothes plus dirty washing basket is overflowing.

Dp will step up when he can but works full time so can only physically do so much. He usually washes up and does bathtime for both children every night as it is. After every Christmas we drown in clutter for a month, whilst I find somewhere to keep it all. I'm laid up in bed with a throat infection and I can't see how I'm ever going to reach the surface.

Feels like I've been on a bit of a rant, but I'm feeling more and more lately that this isn't how normal people live and I'd really like to find some ways of coping better. I don't want to live like this.

Sounds like you need more storage..is that an option
If too many toys could a relative store some and rotate them eVery month

Obviously op you're aware it's not ideal for you or your kids to be living in a flat where you can't see the floor, and the kitchen isn't clean etc.

I think little and often is the key. I'm naturally extremely messy, but since having my son I don't want him to grow up in a house like that so I force myself to tidy and clean every single day. My house is far from perfect but it's safe and a nice environment to be in.

It takes literally two minutes to wipe over the sink and toilet, same with the kitchen sides. You could have done it whilst typing this post!

Don't try and build things up into a massive task. Do the minimum it takes to keep things OK. You can do this and you'll feel great.

Relatives do store a lot of clothes for us, old computing equipment, some dvds, books and toys but they are 100 miles away so not ideal for monthly rotation.

In our old flat when we had one child it did get just as bad but I could actually get it straight more often than not but now we have two children nothing is ever completely sorted.

Do does wipe the sides and oven when he washes up so its not awful in there. Me cleaning the bathroom/hoovering twice a month was me trying to do the minimum to keep things steady.

I agree when I'm feeling well I do some more things than currently but I forgot to mention my one year old climbs and into everything so he's pulling things out the cupboards or off shelves or standing on the dining room table before I've even picked up a cloth. Thank you for the ideas though hopefully I can get some motivation from your posts.

antibacterial wipes and dusting wipes are your friends (not great for the environment - but it's a short term fix). When I'm mega stressed, I find it much easier to use wipes than get out polish and a duster or antibacterial spray and cloths. With cleaning the kitchen and bathroom floors, you can get stuff that you pour directly on the floor and then mop, rather than diluting a solution in a bucket - I also find that easier to find motivation for!

You need some crisis mode solutions.
So, if you’re honest with yourself that you feel crap and can’t be arsed to cook when you feel that way.. fill the freezer with stuff that is relatively healthy but still super easy. Frozen veg packs, portions of fish maybe.
Keep a stack of tiny flannels and towels under the sink and just grab one with some fairy liquid and water on each day and just wipe as much as you can.
Get a wide broom (the rubber ones that accumulate hair and fluff are a fiver and fantastic) sweep everything into a heap.
Go through the heap. Stick stuff in wash. Throw toys in a building trug.
My next suggestion sounds funny but it really changed my life.
Work in harmony with your pmt. when you are at the point in your cycle when you feel most energetic, declutter ruthlessly, fill the freezer with healthy stuff, fill your medicine cupboard, do a little admin.organise easy outfits for kids, onesies, crocs , adequate supplies of pants and socks!
Then don’t push yourself when you feel terrible.

Also perhaps question if you really need to keep stuff that is not in use every day? I gave away all my dvds now that streaming is so good.
Old computer equipment can be valuable sometimes for design, but the best thing is to get any photos etc saved and then sell or get rid. Books and kids toys? Charity shop unless valuable or you’re massively sentimental. But even then you have to question why you’re prioritising memories of this time over actually LIVING in this time, iykwim.

Try the 20 mins a day challenge.
It’s surprising what you can achieve when you press the go button. Put some music on and get busy.

Vacuuming takes 5 mins, you probably spend longer thinking about doing it than actually doing it

I think you have to Hoover every day.
It just means you kind of tidy as you go...
When stuff builds up it’s depressing. We do a power hour (I know this sounds so naff) but everyone participates (even babies) and the focus helps.
The thing is kids get messier and you have to drum the habits into them when they’re little ! Otherwise you’ll have everyone walking all over you by the teen years.

God on paper these all look great! But im finding excuses reasons that they won't work for me! I find wipes push the bathroom dust around when it's got bad, can't mop because can't see the floor, ditto for surfaces that need dusting, freezer is a tiny two shelves on top the fridge (it's all thay fits) but I do regularly use frozen peas, tinned sweetcorn, baked beans, fish fingers etc, too many toys to fit in toy storage now we've had birthday and Christmas. Honestly in my house the heap would stay as a heap! And we'd all walk around it.

11Thetellyisjelly I do try try and work in harmony with my cycle, I've read several books on the subject and it doesn't found funny at all, it makes perfect sense! Trouble is my pmt lasts for about two weeks and then I'm not always energised at other times. I don't know if im lazy or depressed.

Can you move to a 3 bed house?

OP, could you afford a one off house clean/ sort out which would get you back on a level playing field so you can keep on top of it going forward?
Also, I do think it's worth speaking to your GP to rule out an underlying issue (eg anaemia) as this can cause tiredness.

20GreenTulips I have timed myself when the flat is clear and it take 1 hour to hoover. I do use the nozzle on hard floors as find dust gets blown around otherwise. The problem is in amongst school run, breakfast, toddler group, sorted and put washing on and lunch by the time I've tidied it's pick up time. I do manage that on average twice a month if I don't do toddler group.

I do try to donate a lot of stuff but never seem to have the time to sort it this is why I don't feel like I have a normal lifestyle, the ideas should work, they sound good but they don't work in practice for me.

Buy a stack of building trugs.
Throw everything in..
Hoover! Mop!
Have a cup of tea!
Deal with trug later!
If you can’t do the whole thing... do ten minutes on that trug of crap.
I developed this strategy after having a really expensive and efficient cleaner a long time ago. This is exactly what she did. And she did it because she had zero emotional attachment to floor crap.
So if there was any stuff for her to pick up, she’d simply put it in a pile for me to sort. Then she’d clean athletically in trainers, with an apron fully pocketed up with rags and sprays and soaps, like a military expedition .loud music and proper elbow grease!
Now I pretend I’m my own cleaner 😀 I hate bending down a million times so I have a big wide broom. I sweep and trug.
Don’t feel bad about this , no one cared enough about the item otherwise it wouldn’t have been left there in the first place .

I'm going to come back to this thread and try some of the ideas when I've recovered from being ill, I think I might be more positive when I can actually get up without feeling unwell.

We do want to move to a 3 bed but it's not an option in the area we live. Probably need another thread on this dilemma but we could move back to our home town where family live and easily afford a 3 bed but I'd be gutted to lose our friends here and dd would be distraught at losing her best friend and changing school. Currently trying to stick it out until a 3 bed comes up here that we can afford, but part of the problem is that our flat is too messy to even put on the market.