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Original poster

Is it normal now to go to a christening and pay for your own food?

26 replies

ssd · 08/01/2020 09:33

We've been invited to a friends dds christening. When our got christened many moons ago we paid for everyone to have lunch afterwards.
But the invite says please come to christening at 12 then lunch at a lovely pub at 1. The pub is called xxx and the food is very reasonable.

I'm quite taken aback, is this how it works now?
We all go to the place of their choosing and pay our own meals?

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 08/01/2020 09:34

They aren't skint BTW

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 08/01/2020 09:35

I’d assume they would pay for the pub lunch.

PurpleDaisies · 08/01/2020 09:37

I would expect to pay for myself in a pub.

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Philosophy & religion
PurpleDaisies · 08/01/2020 09:38

You can always go to the christening but not the meal.

HilaryBriss · 08/01/2020 09:40

I've not heard of that at a christening before but it does sound like they are expecting people to buy their own food!

betweenfor · 08/01/2020 09:41

I think the pub lunch itself is the oddity. Normally it’s cake and nibbles in the church hall or at home.

BubblesBuddy · 08/01/2020 09:43

Well either you take entertaining seriously or you don’t. It seems odd to me and a bit chaotic. Every baptism I’ve been to has been followed by food either at the home of the parents or in a local hotel, paid for by the parents. Just go to the church service in the circumstances. If they have enough money to entertain friends they should. This arrangement smacks of just wanting presents for the baby.

Forcryingoutloudwtf · 08/01/2020 09:48

Just say you have prior arrangements. I wouldn't go somewhere I had to pay to go to and had to bring a present unless I actually wanted to go.

NoSquirrels · 08/01/2020 09:50

You don’t have to go to the pub lunch if you don’t want to. But if you like these people and would usually have no problem with paying for a pub lunch in their company, why be offended?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 08/01/2020 09:52

I've only ever been so christenings where there's been a bit of a gathering afterwards with a bit of a buffet spread.

If I was going to a pub I'd expect to pay for myself.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 08/01/2020 09:58

Some people are becoming so cheap now... feigning hosting when they're not actually doing it.

I agree with you OP, this isn't the norm and it's always been cake at home for christening guests. Not a pub, but if it were, the parents of the child pay - as the hosts. Not this.

Elouera · 08/01/2020 10:01

Does the invite say 'in lieu of presents..... pub lunch.... etc?'

The 2 christenings I've been to, the hosts both catered for or paid for the meals. (1 was a BBQ in their garden and the other was at a Thai restaurant).

Are you able to clarity with the host/family whether you pay for your own meals?

ineedaholidaynow · 08/01/2020 10:03

Maybe that’s why they are not skint, get everyone else to pay for things!

Dustarr73 · 08/01/2020 10:10

Im in Ireland and if you get invited to a christening,you get food.You dont pay.

So if i was to go,i wouldnt buy a present.

PennyGold · 08/01/2020 10:11

I'd happily pay for myself in a pub. They've made it very clear so there's no awkwardness.
If you don't want to pay, then don't go.

ShinyGiratina · 08/01/2020 10:40

As it's a pub and all explained upfront, I wouldn't have an issue.

We've been to a private hire in a restaurant and paid in lieu of a wedding gift. We gave a gift anyway. It was a modest affair arranged at short notice. Half organising something elaborate and getting guests to pay expensive meals would grate more.

misspiggy19 · 08/01/2020 10:43

**Some people are becoming so cheap now... feigning hosting when they're not actually doing it.

I agree with you OP, this isn't the norm**

^This

Beautiful3 · 08/01/2020 10:46

I dont think this is right. When you invite people, then you provide the food. If you do decide to go, dont buy a present.

Original poster
ssd · 08/01/2020 11:01

I know we'd be expected to bring a present too as they've sort of put it out there what they'd like.

The pub place I referred to before is more like a posh bistro place, posher than a pub, where they are expecting everyone to meet after the christening for food. That we have to buy ourselves. And it's not cheap and doesn't serve the sort of food we'd normally eat out eg steak pie, pasta. It's a trendy bistro place pretending to be a pub.

The trouble is we live a long way away from these friends so it wouldn't make sense to leave after the church. We would look odd.
But to me paying for your own food at a christening is odd.
Am glad to hear it's not just me.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 08/01/2020 11:07

I have a wide social circle of people with middle to high incomes, and paying for yourself if you go to a pub or restaurant is absolutely normal. They aren’t hosting, in the same way they would be if they were inviting you back to their house afterwards for a buffet. They’re asking you to go and celebrate their child being Christened and then to join everyone for a nice, jolly celebratory meal in the pub afterwards. That’s the important bit. I would think it a shame if friends of mine didn’t invite all of their friends to a celebration or didn’t have one at all because they thought everyone would expect them to be paying for their dinners.

GlamGiraffe · 08/01/2020 11:10

It's odd.
Christenings and baptisms from my experience (a fair few) have always been catered income shape or form, ranging from food in a hall to fish and chips in a marquee (it was a strange retro one), meals in hotels and restaurants to gatherings at home. No one has ever been asked to pay fof themself. It's taken for granted you will buy the baby a gift of some kind generally.
To invite someone yo a christening would normally mean you are inviting them to a "party" thing.
A baptism is just part of a church service that anyone can attend and no invitation is needed.

It seems very rude to me.
They should have just done some sandwiches and cake at home if they were on a budget.

Original poster
ssd · 08/01/2020 11:23

If we go to a meal out with friends or family we always pay for our own. But this is an invitation to a christening that says ' come join us to celebrate the christening of our dd at xx Church at 12, then afterwards at xxpub at 1, which is a lovely pub and very reasonable. '

So it's an invite to 2 places. But we have to pay.

OP posts:
chocolateisavegetable · 08/01/2020 20:25

Definitely odd.

Dustarr73 · 08/01/2020 20:40

I wouldnt go,send the baby something and just say you cant make it.

DinosApple · 08/01/2020 20:40

I think it's odd, any baptism I've been to (inc my own DDs) has had a buffet afterwards either at home or in a hall. Some people have travelled a long way, providing food is, well, normal. I've got a big Catholic family too so have been to a few!

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