Got HV coming Friday. We need help

[cjt110]

Harking back to an old thread a few weeks back the HV (or whatever it is for aged 5) are coming on Friday.

I am shitting it. I don't know how to get down what happens. I've video'd it.

I can't quite put into words how he behaves and I'm scared to waste this opportunity.

More info needed please?

My son is 5. I can't cope with his behaviour and my husband is also struggling. I am unsure if it is us, or him.

I have been sure for some time that something is not NT with my son.

Took an hour to get him dressed for school this morning and he ionly finished up when i said ok we were leaving with/out shoes/jumper.

Are school working with you to support your son's behaviour; do they witness his difficulties, too? Can they offer any sort of evidence for you to put to the HV?

It's fine to tell the truth and show your HV that you're struggling. Putting up barriers or hiding how difficult things can be only means they can't get a full picture. If you have videos of meltdowns, show them. If you need to describe how challenging life can be, do it. The HV isn't interested in you (in the nicest way possible). They're interested in your child and they're there to offer you support; tell them the whole story, write down the things you want to say, the important parts, and don't feel guilty because your child struggles.

Write down over the next two days what exactly the problems are - inability to concentrate, tantrums, eating, sleeping or toilet problems, inability to communicate, frustration etc.

HV should be a gateway to advice, support, and information. They aren’t out to criticise. Talking about your concerns to someone who understands will help you too x

Are school working with you to support your son's behaviour; do they witness his difficulties, too? Can they offer any sort of evidence for you to put to the HV?

School don't see his behaviour - or so far as they say they don't. He copes well in routine and processes.

I've just taken the step to call school and speak to their "inclusion Officer" to tell her we have asked for help.

He's a clever, bright, polite kid. I've no doubt they will have seen tantrums at school but to what extent I don't know. I cried on the phone to the poor school teacher

@Mintjulia I don't even know what is classed as a problem, or just him. And I can't just write his name down.

So tell the HV that.

Say it takes 10 minutes to brush his teeth or he will only eat one food, or he doesn’t meet your gaze or show affection, or whatever the behaviours are. How does he get on with other children? Will he play happily? Can he count yet? Or write his name? What is his teacher’s opinion. How is his sleep routine?

Explain that you feel exhausted & stressed. You aren’t alone. x

It could be simply the transition to school. Some kids will behave like angels in school, all the teachers think butter wouldn’t melt, but then they come home and because they are on safe home ground, they run riot. It could be he is just letting off steam BECAUSE he feels safe at home.

He's been at school for over a year now.

I am fed up of the battles daily for him to get dressed, eat something, get into pjs, go to bed, wash his hair, brush his hair.... talk to us nicely and not shout at us.