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Original poster

Are there single parents where you live?

33 replies

DeadliestLampshade · 07/01/2020 09:19

I became a single (co) parent to a 5 year old beginning of 2019 when my husband left and I’ve found it really hard to find others in a similar situation. I know statistically there are loads of single parents out there but there don’t seem to be many in a similar situation to me - 40 something, professional.

I live in a very family oriented area in N London and everyone seems to be in happy families - moving into ever larger houses!

It worries me as my son doesn’t see anyone around him in a similar family set-up - we are the only separated parents in his class at school for example.

Has anyone else found this where they live and how do you help your child become resilient and embrace their new family situation?

OP posts:

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/01/2020 09:25

Loads where I live but I'm in a working class town in the Midlands. To be honest it's all DS knows as we split when he was 10 months.

I bet not all of those happy looking families are as happy behind closed doors.

misselphaba · 07/01/2020 09:45

DD is the only child from a single parent family in her class and there are very few across the whole school so I've often thought the same as you! Also in North London and everyone else seems to be living in huge houses with lots of children, money and somehow both parents often seem to be at school events! It seems so unlikely statistically but is a reflection of the area we live in. The houses where I live are so expensive that it would be very difficult for even a very well paid single parent to afford the mortgage alone. I am in the cheap seats and so don't have this problem.

Luckily, I met some friends through work who are single parents. That definitely helped me and so hopefully seeing that model of family helped DD.

Ultimately, I don't think children notice or care about these things as much as we think they do. Schools tend to do some work on recognising that fanilies come in all shapes and sizes so perhaps you could ask the teacher about that?

Original poster

DeadliestLampshade · 07/01/2020 09:52

Thanks @misselphaba I’ve been speaking to the welfare officer since the beginning and they were very helpful. I think the school does it’s best. I just wish he wasn’t so alone in his family situation....

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Families

Northernsoullover · 07/01/2020 09:56

What year is your child in? I started off being the only single parent in reception. By year 3 they were bountiful.

Original poster

DeadliestLampshade · 07/01/2020 09:59

He is in reception. Your experience sounds positive (in terms of role models not the families/children unfortunately!) do you live in London?

OP posts:

AmazingGreats · 07/01/2020 09:59

I think this is quite specific to your area. Everywhere I've lived there's been lots of single parents. I think it's rarer the younger they are. It's unusual for a baby to not live with both parents, but by the time they are teenagers it's unusual for them to have parents who are still together IYSWIM

LeoTimmyandVi · 07/01/2020 10:00

Agree with Northernsoulover, I have been a lone parent since my children were 1 and 3 (they are now teens). Very few other lone parents in key stage 1, more in key stage 2 and now very common in secondary.

ImNotACuntYoureACunt · 07/01/2020 10:02

All the places I’ve lived (different parts of the UK) there have been plenty of single parent families, usually mums. I have been a single parent myself although not since I’ve moved in with my partner.

It’s weird I guess how these things pan out. The primary school my eldest went to, roughly 2 thirds of her class came from Non-conventional family set ups (usually single parents) and that was in a little village primary school. seemed to be the same throughout the school too. I’m surprised that a school anywhere in London hasn’t got more of a mix of family set ups.

FlashingFedora · 07/01/2020 10:06

Well I'm a 40 something single parent so yes!

we are the only separated parents in his class at school for example.

When my ds started primary most of his classmates were in 2 parent families, 6 years later loads of them have separated, not many seem to stay single though, quite a few have started second families whereas I never wanted that so am still one of the few single parents I know. Hasn't affected DS though, he knows families come in all shapes and sizes.

frankincenseandmur · 07/01/2020 10:06

There’s quite a few by me

schoolcats · 07/01/2020 10:07

Dcs in year 10 and 11 and no, I don't know any others

Heartofglass12345 · 07/01/2020 10:08

I'd say quite a lot round here but I'm in the South Wales valleys, most of them are early 20's though.
When I started comp, all my friends parents were still together (mine weren't) I'd say at least half of them are divorced now, if not more

nocluewhattodoo · 07/01/2020 10:08

There's lots around us in south London, a friend who is a single mum is part of a group who all take their DC on days out or camping together, seems like a lovely community they've created.

Original poster

DeadliestLampshade · 07/01/2020 10:11

@ImNotACuntYoureACunt I guess maybe as Elphaba mentioned it’s quite an affluent area so would be hard to afford alone. I’m lucky as my ex is paying half the mortgage still but would struggle otherwise even though I earn a decent salary.

OP posts:

ImNotACuntYoureACunt · 07/01/2020 10:16

Yeah that’s true it must cost a tonne. I wasn’t doubting you at all by the way I really was just surprised by the lack of a mix. I grew up not far outside of London and can’t afford to move back if I wanted to due to the cost.

Original poster

DeadliestLampshade · 07/01/2020 20:02

Maybe I should move to another area. But my son is settled in school here....

OP posts:

Northernsoullover · 07/01/2020 20:14

My childrens school was very middle class. I know I shouldn't have cared but I did feel the odd one out. Don't move. I promise you won't be the only one sooner rather than later x

EntirelyAnonymised · 07/01/2020 20:44

I’m in a MC city suburb (not London). My youngest child is in sixth form, her Dad and I are still together and she is very much in the minority amongst her friends in that case. I would agree that the numbers of parents staying together decrease significantly as children grow up.

redeyetonowheregood · 07/01/2020 21:05

I was the only child with a single parent when I saw at primary school...I didn't notice or care one bit. My dad had us one weekend a month and one night a week after school. I really really didn't have any issues/problems with it whatsoever.

Oldraver · 07/01/2020 21:08

I was a single parent for 10 years and it did seem like I was the only single parent around for a while. The area I live in is Military so huge amount of people living in the area will be married.

Later on in Primary I did meet a few single parents

Whathewhatnow · 07/01/2020 21:33

Get Motherland on the telly. Liz is a role model we should all aspire to.

But I feel your pain. I am in the richest borough in the country and although I know we do exist, we are like a secret and slightly shameful sect.

More single parents will appear in years 3 to 5. You've just got there early ... plus, although they may not be out and proud, there are lots of people who wish they were out of their miserable relationships. Dont be fooled by what you see around you. If you're living in MC north London, and providing you're not in LA housing, you're living in the twilight zone where real life doesnt really happen...

Whathewhatnow · 07/01/2020 21:43

There is a lot of clap trap about middle classes being less prone to family breakdown IME. Unfashionable view: I think it is because the material trappings of MC life are harder to give up. Not just the material trappings, but the social standing and expectation.

BackforGood · 07/01/2020 21:59

we are the only separated parents in his class at school for example.

How would anyone know this ?

BighouseLittlemouse · 07/01/2020 22:05

I’m in a similar sounding area to you OP - one other single parent in my DC year class ( now year 3) which has just increased to 2, none in my youngest who is reception.

Having said that I actually didn’t know for quite a while that the other single parent was a single parent iyswim.

My eldest DC does notice and does seem to like having someone in the same situation - even though they aren’t in the same friendship groups at school DC will often mention how x is the same as him, and I’ve heard them discussing it on occasion.

I also have started going on single parent holidays and made friends through that.

Igmum · 07/01/2020 22:14

I'm a single parent and yes, the numbers rise as you head through primary (I see much less of the other parents at secondary so couldn't comment about that). We do single parent holidays too and they are great - the kids form a tribe and the parents have someone to talk to. Single With Kids are great and have everything from cheap as chips camping to overseas holidays. Don't move OP. If your DS's class has no other lone parents in a few years time it will be a total statistical anomaly!

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