No family help or support at all how do you manage

[nohelpnorest]

Just that really ...
Family who seem to consider us ‘out of sight out of mind’

If I don’t call or text them they wouldn’t contact me. Never offer any help at all yet dsis has all the help in the world so it’s not that it’s their nature across the board it’s just towards us as on paper her situation is much easier than ours yet (being the golden child) she gets all the help.

We’ve had to resort to making sacrifices ourself to be able to ‘buy in’ help for example when I’ve been ill recently we had to get a cleaner temp and some help with childcare but that was a big chunk and meant we had to actually go without a lot
Yet dm is sitting at home ignoring me or out buying presents for dsis and going to help her constantly (alway gushing Thankyous on social media)

It’s that bad I am considering moving not sure how feasible it is but being in the area and bumping into them doesn’t help at all may as well be properly nc

What irks me is that nothing ever actually happened to cause this huge disparity in how we are treated

I think I’m just wondering is anyone else in the same situation. I know I just need to stop thinking about it but it hurts so much

Looking back now yes there was a lot that now is classed as abuse

Dm had a rule that eating in public was also rude. Unless dsis was hungry ...

"You cant change the dynamic, just how you react to it" is brilliant. I wish I could do this, or learn to react better.

LC sounds like the way forward for your sanity. Expect a card from them at Christmas and a nodding acquaintance at family events. I would also block them on social media: they don't appear to phone or visit you, so you don't need to put any measures in place there.

The disparity is crap. It's a struggle to fund holiday cover, sick days and wrap around care for school, even if you have a reasonable income. Seeing the favouritism just makes it worse.

Honestly? Move on- they're not going to change, and you need to draw a line and live your life. Join the stately home thread, you'll find lots of suppotand understanding on there. The Toxic Parents book (Susan forward??) Is good too.
Accepting inside that it's isn't anything you've done and you can't change them only yourself will help.
I hope you're better soon

My situation was very similar. Mum and half sister as thick as thieves and she got all the help and all the affection, presents, financial help etc. [as did my half brother] for a lifetime. Me [a single parent a lot of the time] and my sons were practically ignored. It was inferred that I was strong and capable and independent...so they could carry on being cold and distant.

So I became independent and found my own friends and a partner who supported me/us. I moved to a different area and got on with my life. I would often try to connect with invites and visits but most were rejected and I was made to feel even more left out as they came to nothing as the situation didn't change in the slightest.

I gave up too. They were not going to ever change. OP try to get help to adjust to the reality of the situation, go NC if that helps and move away. Live your own life. The hurt will be there but it's how you deal with it. I personally wouldn't walk towards more hurt and pain which is detrimental to good mental health. They do not deserve you so look after yourself and your family.

We can't change how people think or their personalities, only change our response to them. I feel for you, it isn't easy to be rejected within the family.

I found the best thing was to accept it as being the way things were, and any contact was on my terms. If it worked for us, we'd do it, if not, we wouldn't. And I would never demean myself by asking for help or support again, so as not to put myself in the position of humiliation and hurt when it was not forthcoming.

I also put limits on what I'd do for them. Which was sweet fanny adams, unless it suited me. I'm also very clear, 'if you've had the best of them, you will be getting the rest of them'. Because my resources, energy and focus had to be on my family and myself.

They can't have it both ways. You're not worthy of being family and treated as family on one hand, but when they need you or want you, all of a sudden, 'but we're faaaaaaaaamily'.

Yeah. Nah, mate.