11yo DS looking at porn

[WillyWonkaIsAWanker]

Just looked through DS11's phone... he's always v good and never looks at anything other than sports direct and footy stuff but I've found google searches for a particular actress naked. The photos that came up are pretty explicit involving oral sex. He's searched three times all on one day. I check his phone every few days and he knows I do it. He's now out at a club. What do I do? It's obviously my fault for not putting proper parental restrictions on it but he's been using WhatsApp to organise school and footy stuff with his friends so I've been more lax. We've talked about not looking at stuff that's inappropriate or rude and he's promised me. He's super sensitive and will be distraught, qui rightly when I bring it up. What do I do though?? Take away his phone? He needs it for coming home from school. Take away WhatsApp? He needs that too for organising stuff. Ground him? Bollock him? Or try and have a sensible chat?? His dad is out and will be so disappointed. I might not tell him. Or is this just what kids (boys) do and should I not be making it into such a big deal??? He's only done it (on his phone) once... I don't know what to think!!

this link explains pretty clearly how to deal with it. I would be explaining that I was going to be blocking safari (details on how to do that here) for the next week, so that the message can sink in, and that as soon as he gets home from school he needs to give his phone to me for time period.

It's your job as a parent to protect your child. I don't want to kick you when you are down, but in any other scenario where parents are negligent about what their children are exposed to, there would be rightful anger about it, but for some reason we give people a pass for not being 'tech savvy', which leads their child being harmed by viewing this, and worse material.
I hope another parent learns from your mistake and prevents this from happening, because its really bloody sad.

Also, you have blamed your child in your post. 'He promised me.' It is NOT his fault, it is yours. ffs, he's 11.

This is what boys do, why would you punish him, hes 11, hes curious. Adjust your parental controls immediately so he has no access and say nothing, you will only embarass him and make the situation even more awkward...

I'm not blaming him at all. It's all my fault. I feel sick.

I would also install K9 Web Protection Browser, and tell him to use that from now on, and permanently block safari (instead of just for a week as I said previously). it will block nudity, extreme content, violence, hate, racism, etc, so you don't need to worry about it happening again.

He’s only 11. Clearly too young for a phone with internet access.

Thank you Sleep... just reading those links now. I can't believe how stupid I've been. It's all my fault. I know there's a chance he's seen stuff like it before on his friends phones... it's just the fact it's on his phone. I'll talk to him later. Safari is blocked and I've blocked WhatsApp too for now.

He’s 11 and curious, don’t mention it. You’ll only embarrass him. Fix the parental controls do nothing horrific can come up but an 11 year old boy searching for a naked actress is not abnormal at all.

My dc had internet restrictions.

Don’t mention it just block the porn etc. He’s 11. He could see people being beheaded, suicide and tons of horrible stuff.

Sorry but how did this come up in a search? I've googled Hugh Jackman naked and nothing remotely sexual came up, definitely nothing pornographic! Is my phone broken?

I think everyone is being very hard on you. He is a boy. He is naturally curious about the human body. Maybe he stumbled upon the video accidentally then was even more curious.

I'm am sorry for being harsh to you OP. You came for parenting advice because you made a mistake, as we all do. But it is so important for you and others to realise the consequences of allowing a child free reign on the Internet--porn, bullying, grooming... I just wish more parents educated themselves on this issue. It's a pretty major one, and children need protecting in all avenues of their life.
Punishment should be off the table, as you now know, because you are the one who made the key error. I think it's worth having the conversation with your child about Internet safety once again, but not in an accusing way, and perhaps don't mention that you have seen his specific searches. He will probably put two and two together anyway because his access is now restricted but keep him guessing about what you know. No doubt he will explore pornography as he gets older, but at 11 years old you need to cut it off at the source.

He doesn’t need punishment, what he’s looked up is perfectly natural. You should be seeking advice about how to approach with this with him in a way that won’t embarrass him. He’s done nothing wrong.

I’d take his phone off him. If he really needs one to walk home from school then buy him a cheapie.

I certainly wouldn’t be encouraging an 11 year old child or telling him he’s an absolute lad for looking at porn. That’s twisted AF!

Thanks everyone. Phone now totally secure. Safari is blocked. Will chat to him tomorrow I think as it's getting late now. I'm such an idiot. Feel like the worst parent ever.

Hi OP. You're not the worst parent, not by a long chalk. One thing you might not be aware of is that gaming platforms present a risk as well. The chat function allows access to all sorts of people.

Worst parents because your boy looked at naked pictures of women that he found himself? Nope. Boys are curious.

I have spoken to my 12 year old about porn - I think its important that they understand that its not realistic and they might see things that are not part of a normal consensual relationship. I also said if he sees anything that worries him or he has any questions about he can always come to me.

Oh for Gods sake hes an 11 year old boy. He knows what sex is. He knows what porn is. Teens look stuff up, it's really quite tame, it was 2 girls, one cup doing the rounds when I was at school. No one was scarred for life.

I found similar on my 11 year olds phone, not porn but photos that are inappropriate (instagram). I know he has tried to search for porn before as well on his old phone.

I use Google Family Link app. It's good at setting boundaries when kids will clearly lie about what they do on their phones. Porn is blocked but photos that idiots post on things like instagram are not.

We had a chat about how he will be curious but 11 is too young and it's not appropriate. I also reiterated that real women don't look like the pictures he had been looking at and how he needs to respect women, not view them as objects.

He agreed but no idea if the message got through.

He’s a curious 11 year old boy. Bollock him? Absolutely not. Talk to him about porn? Yes. Ensure he can’t access it on his phone again? Yes

God don't worry so much hun. You've upped your settings and learnt from it. He could easily have viewed things at friends houses even if you had put the settings on high right from the get go.

You've taken steps to stop it happening again. Now relax. You're doing a great job x

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut First of all, he's not a teen. He's a child of primary school age. Second of all, I don't consider (potentially private leaked) pictures/ footage of actresses giving blowjobs as 'tame.' And considering these videos are usually found on websites surrounded by thumbnails of much more hardcore videos, its pretty bloody horrible that you're minimising it and the damage it can do to a young CHILD who doesn't have the tools to maturely process what it is they are looking at.
If 'everybody did it when I was growing up' is your compass for what is right or healthy, then I think you need to grow up a bit.