exDP and I split 3 months ago following his arrest for threats to kill, firearms offences and coercive control. We have 2 young DC together and at the time I was terrified what would happen in the short- medium term following his arrest so I declined to make any complaint. It wasn't me that initially reported it but I'm really glad that it was done on my behalf as I had been suffering for years and was too frightened/ financially stuck/ brainwashed to leave of my own accord. He is still going to court for the firearms offences but the threats and coercion have been dropped.
I have successfully left him and got my own place with the kids and am finally happy and free.
The only reason that this has been possible is because he was initially on bail with conditions not to contact me,and because social services have been involved because of the high risk MARAC. If he hadn't been kept on a short leash so to speak,he would have acted completely different and I'm sure he would have been violent/ stalked me/ really harassed me and tried to work my head.
Hes tried every trick in the book to try and get me back but I've managed to keep him away.
He sees them once a week for tea and every other weekend for 1 overnight. We do face to face pick up/drop offs as it's just easier. I have very little in the way of family to assist third party hangovers.
It's hard, and lately he has been trying to wind me up/ intimidate me. Hes also been trying to make me jealous about his new girlfriend (poor woman,I wish I could tell her what shes in for). He plays mind games at every opportunity and still gets a sick perverse thrill out of upsetting me.
Today we had a child in need meeting at the eldest's school. We were both there. The social worker outlined the concerns around domestic abuse. He got quite miffed as he doesnt believe that he has done anything wrong, hasn't ever been abusive, etc and even said that he feels like the victim in all of this.
The social worker told us that we are not to reconcile (haha no thanks! Couldn't pay me to go back!)
She also gave us some advice for maintaining safe contact moving forward but ultimately she is closing our case today as there is no further need for them to involved.
As a formality at closure, she has to provide copies of the assessments that she has done to both of us. This assessment will include my disclosure of abuse to her, which at the moment he is unaware that I have made. He thinks I have agreed with him that it's all just a big misunderstanding and that hes never abused anyone.
I haven't actually told him that he has abused me. I dont feel that I need to. He knows he has. Hes just lying to himself to justify his actions. Fronting him up about it will just cause further issues. I just want him to see his kids when hes supposed to and leave me the fuck alone.
It worries me that he will see what I've said in the report, show it round his family (who are all under his spell/ victims of his dads abuse/ so caught up in it they cant see the wood for the tress) and ultimately get wound up.
Perhaps wound up enough to snap. Wound up enough to start being nasty and vindictive or to try and keep the children.
I am scared of him, and scared what he will be like after he sees this assessment.
I am getting a copy tomorrow and he wont get his til Friday. But after hes got it, he has to come and drop the baby off with me. And I'll be alone.
What the hell do I do? Social worker said theres nothing she can do, he has PR so has every right to a copy of the assessment.
Any advice anyone?