Adoption Question

[Bellabelloo]

I have a single friend whose sister is a single mum and is very sick. My friend is obviously very upset about her sister being ill but is terrified that if the worst happens she will have to take her 2-year old nephew on. She didn't want children and doesn't think she would cope. We've tried looking into adoption processes online but can't find any information out there. I think her rose-tinted ideal would be to look after him until he was adopted by a loving family and for her still to have some contact. Is that even a possibility?

She is struggling to cope with the current situation and the what-ifs are overwhelming her.

Yes that would be a possibility. I know someone who did It. I believe it's called special guardianship. Her dn was a baby and they had wanted to keep him but different situation - mum was still around but baby permanently removed and she would have impacted his life if he stayed with them so they made the tough decision and he was adopted after about a year on the second attempt- first fell through so be aware it's tough.

She doesn't have to take him on at all though if she doesn't feel up to it. Her dn would be put in foster care

I don't think she wants him in foster care. Maybe she'd end up taking him on. Who knows. I don't think she'll know until she's in that situation. I think she just needs to know she won't be trapped.

Poor kid

No she'll never be trapped. There will be options at each stage. I'm sure the social worker in charge will answer her questions if/when the time comes but there are different options. My friend still gets updated via letter and she replies for when he's old enough to ask questions. The clean break was deemed better for now but obviously every case is different and the adults involved are consulted/informed

Heartbreaking. I hope he is happy and loved. 💕

Ah, i cant imagine letting my niece or nephew be adopted. Poor child

Sad in a way but the best all round for the baby. I suppose you overlook the guilt in order to do what's right for the child in the long term. Hope it all works out ok

If she doesn't take him on and another family member steps up and fosters the child or is granted Special Guardianship, then it is likely she will still be able to see the child regularly if everyone agrees to this. I myself am raising a child under Special Guardianship and his aunts and uncles see him frequently.
If the child is adopted it is useuay unlikely she would be able to see the child again but it is a possibility if the adoptive family agree.

Surely the child should come before absolutely anything els, surely if your sister is ill the first thing you would want to do is make sure her child is fully safe and cared for

Surely the ill woman will have spoken to her sister about appointing her his guardian in the event of her death? DH and I are well but have had the conversation about who would look after DS if we both died, with the people involved as well as one another.

No one will force her to adopt or get a SGO for her nephew. If his mother has not appointed anyone by her death, SS will contact family members and vet anyone willing and suitable. If no one is, he would be fostered and probably freed for adoption.

Aren’t there any other family members? Who is looking after him now, if his mother isn’t able to?

Even if she’s a single mother there is a father and he would be the first option. If he isn’t able to care for their child, there may be people in his family who would like to adopt.

No one will make her do anything she doesn’t want to do.

As PPs have mentioned, Special Guardianship Orders allow family members to look after children, so that is an option for her, and it sometimes comes with some financial support.

If the child is adopted by strangers, then she’s not guaranteed contact. It will be up to them.

Is there anyone else in the family who could take the child? What does the sister want to happen?

Poor them, what a dreadful situation.

It's a terible situation. I never wanted to have children and I am very happy with my decision. if any of my nephews or nieces were in that situation, and I was the only family member available, it would be an extremely hard decision either way. On one hand, I would not want them to go to foster care and think I do not care about them. On the other hand, I know I would make a crap mother, I am selfish and very independent and have no patience with children for more than 3-4 hours. I would hate every minute of parenting and the children would notice.

However, sometimes life puts us in difficult situations and any choice will come with prizes and sacrifices. If and when that time comes, I will make a decision, as your friend will need to.

The dad was foreign, lives abroad, was abusive and has had no contact with his son on court orders. I knew him and he was a nasty piece of work. I guess he could come out of the woodwork, but I know my friend would fight that. Their mum died when they were young and their father died recently, so there are no grandparents. There is an uncle (mum's brother) and 2 cousins who have their own families. I guess a godparent might take him in, but that's a massive decision too.

My friend isn't taking the decision lightly, but is young and single, lives in rented accommodation with friends, hasn't spent much time with her nephew and is completely overwhelmed by the thought of having to parent a toddler! I don't think her sister would have much to leave financially to help out as she also rents.

I think you still have to be assessed by SS as suitable to adopt the child, which given your friends reluctance & financial circumstances she might not pass anyway.
Op there is an adoptions section you could ask this thread to be moved to...lots of knowledge people on there.