If you were looking for a LTR now, what would you specify as essentials in a partner?

[Nextphonewontbesamsung]

Me:
I'm married for a long while and probably going to stay the same. But if I were online dating and looking for someone to share the rest of my life with right now , these would be my OLD requirements in order of prioerity. They are hugely different to what I would have been looking for 25 years ago.

1. Robust mental health and a resilient glass half full outlook
2. able and happy to cook and clean
3. solvency
4. positive mental attitude
5. extrovert and adventurous nature

Non-smoker. Smoking would be an absolute deal breaker. No ifs, no buts.

I think a lot of your list is very sensible but actually the first thing that came to mind for me was something I read somewhere, years ago and now can’t place - “If you live in the UK, don’t marry someone Australian. Or Japanese. Or [wherever].”

Which sounds hugely limiting and closed-minded and even xenophobic but actually the major faultline in my marriage is my (foreign) DH’s desire for home, as against my rootedness here.

Meat eater

I agree with @essntialhummus.
Also married to someone from far away. It's our main problem.

Kindness when no-one is watching.

Openess
Integrity
Financially solvent
Positive and encouraging

My DH is one of those. I guess I should have prioritised the others for a happy marriage

A lot of mine is about balance

1. Able to be emotional and kind but also be a fun loving party guy
2. Able to hold his own eg a bit alpha but also be kind and empathetic
3. Nice looking and take care of themselves (good personal hygiene) but not obsessed with looks
4. Able to hold down a job and be solvent but not so obsessed you never see them

Oh and yes positive and supportive. Want the best for each other.

To be able to close cupboard doors. To leave the toilet bowl and seat clean after using the toilet. To wear the right sized clothes for their body shape.

Can you tell what is annoying me at the mo!

Similar views couldn't be with a Tory. Not be too needy , have their own interests

Ah, yes, I see what you're saying EssentialHummus.

On a smaller scale, I have friends who have dc who married in their late 20s/early 30s and this issue of where they (the newlyweds) are going to live (in this case Lewisham versus Hampshire) is looming hugely over their lives. In many ways I can't work out why they didn't get it sorted before they tied the knot.

Kind, considerate, compassionate.

Feminist.

Physically active.

1. Kind & interested in me/my life
2. Is an adult: eg can cook, clean, do diy look after himself and contribute his fair share to the household (assuming we would live together at some point) ps, I can do all these things.
3. Open minded and non- judgemental
4. Intelligent & reasonably cultured
5. Lovely friends & family (my ex came from a family full of arseholes , the apple didn't fall from the tree).

Basically the male me no that would be horrible

trinity

1. Funny. I absolutely cannot be with someone who doesn't me laugh/I can't laugh with.

1. Honest and open. No games, no drama.

1. Emotionally stable and secure. I don't have time for possessiveness or jealousy. I'm independent and would want to remain that way.

1. Someone who is kind and loving.

1. Someone who really knows how to have fun.

1. Stable job and finances but it's more important to me that they have a job that they love and than be loaded. No-one in finance or anything like that. I just don't find that sort of career an attractive quality.

1. Similar values and politics is important to me.

Of course I need to be attracted to them but I don't really have a fixed type so the above would be far more important than looks.

My husband ticks all of those boxes except extrovert and I wouldn’t say he was particularly adventurous...but he does love an adventure
Gosh didn’t I get lucky

After the last year I want someone who is stable in all senses of the word. After my last relationship was long distance I want someone who I can see when I want. Not someone where it takes months of organise using first

@EssentialHummus yes!! I married a foreigner l. BIG mistake

1. no prior children or baggage

2. financially stable, with a good job

3. caring, supportive and protective

4. affectionate

5. someone who likes to holiday in the UK, walking and hiking

I've got to say, my husband is fantastic and I'm not sure whether my list is realistic or not

Laid back.

No desire to cohabit.

Not obsessed with a sport/hobby to the exclusion of all other interests.

All of the above...plus (for me, at my age anyway) no small/attached children that require 'thinking about' in terms of shared care arrangements. My own are all grown up and independent, and I'd like to be able to just 'do' things without having to make lots of complicated childcare plans.

I agree with all of these but for me the no 1 priority would be kindness.

1. A man who wants a partner not a mumsy-sex-nurse
2. Sensible with money
3. Knows how to behave in public
4. Kind

I think kindness is the most important though, all but one of my partners have been pretty unpleasant once the veneer of civility wears off.

Good list. I'd mention Kindness as per others. No kids was also on my personal list.

Also good work ethic and above all else similar values and goals.
DP and I agree on what is "a waste" and what's "worth it" on everything from meat& veg to what car and private education. We also have v similar life goals / vision for the future. It makes everything so much easier as we are travelling in the same direction.