Adult DD ending long term relationship.

[MaisyMary77]

My 26 year old DD finished with her partner last week, all very sudden and we’ve no idea why as she won’t talk to us about it. He’s lived with us for the better part of seven years (they have lived with us while they’ve been saving for a deposit for their own place-we have a large house and have got on well together) and now he’s gone. She’s devastated, we’re devastated for her and for him.

No idea how I’m supposed to be feeling-I’m worried sick for both of them (Especially DD) but at the same time bereft as we’re probably never going to see him again-he’s gone back to his parents house about 150 miles away.

I don’t want my DD to see I’m upset that he’s gone-I’m probably very selfish to be so sad that he is! I want to be as supportive and comforting as I can but I’m just not very good with emotions etc, I don’t know how to handle this situation and how to help her.

Any advise?

I think you're already doing a great job by the sounds of it. Come here to vent your understandable feelings about missing him, but you're doing the right thing to hide that from her.

If you do discover from DD what the reason was, and he was to blame and was actually shitty - don't undermine her by keeping up a relationship with him. Too many abusers are still friends with ex's parents, it's part of the game.

Not saying that he's a wrong'un, but if he is then don't fall for it. Look after your girl.

Excellent advice@SpoonBlender.

As she is devastated, it doesn't sound as if she felt she had any choice, but to end it.

I would indeed follow her lead.

I think it is so disloyal to stay in contact with the ex of a family member/friend, who was treated badly by this person.

Unforgivable IMO.

The fact she won’t say, would lead me to believe DD was in the wrong and doesn’t want her parents to know tbh.

As she is devastated, it doesn't sound as if she felt she had any choice, but to end it Or DD could of shagged someone else and be devastated because the man she loved left her 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sometimes relationships don’t go the distance, I get you don’t like seeing her upset but tbh I wouldn’t even ask about it and so on. She’s an adult she’s allowed a private and if she wanted to say she would....

One of the things that is very hard about being the parent of adult children, is that when their relationships break up, it feels as though you’ve broken up with someone too.

I was very sad when my son and girlfriend split and just tried to be there for him, without questioning or probing. In fact, they probably both needed the break as they were young, but they did get back together after a couple of years.

My daughter split with a boyfriend of four years duration and to this day, I don’t know why. You know your daughter and if she doesnt want to talk about it, I think you have to respect that and put your feelings to one side. Be there if she wants to talk at some point, but wait for her to make the decision to talk. If she doesn’t tell you anything p, I think you have to accept that you might always be in the dark and that you will have to deal with missing him without making her feel bad about it.