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Are we normal?

1 reply

TwigTheWonderKid · 05/01/2020 17:54

Sorry, this will probably be long and boring and it's all rather stream of consciousnessso will probably make no sense...

DH, 14 yo Ds, 10 yo DS and I have been at home together from school and work since 21st December. Which is 16 days. MIL arrived on 23rd and went home on 3rd.

During that time we went out for dinner once, MIL and I went sales shopping together twice and we had a trip into London to the theatre and to a local themed crazy golf place. We also had guests over for whole days twice and yesterday I manged to force the three of them out for a walk with me. The rest of the time I spent trying to keep myself busy/entertaining MIL while everyone else sat on their PCs and devices.I have been left feeling like I am climbing the walls and have been desperate to get out and do more together.

I think I have been feeling like this for a while but Christmas has kind of brought it to a head for me.

I feel time slipping away, with DS1 especially. But no one else in the family but me seems to feel like this. DS1 does literally nothing but go to school and then sit at his pc all evening, DH is an IT professional who is always researching and learning new things related to that and electronic music-making so spends most of his free time at home in his study. DS2 spends too much time on the Playstation but is also a keen sportsman and pretty active so I worry less about him. I work, have a craft hobby which I go to once a week and am engaged in several kinds of voluntary work. I also see friends at least once or twice a week.

I guess I feel sad and frustrated at everyone's reluctance to leave their chairs and do something positive, or to do anything as a family. I feel ike there is a massive world out there which we are all missing. I am also genuinely concerned about DS1's lack of interest in anything meaningful and if I am honest, whilst I know I am also to blame for letting him get away with it, I also blame DH for not setting him a better example. The three of them do occasionally take part in a sport they all enjoy, (which I have tried, but absolutely hate, so do not participate in but do go with them and cheer them all on) but anything else is driven by me.

I'm not even sure why I am writing this. Clearly DH and I are very different. I've always joked that he'd make a great hermit. Like me, DS1 was always an outgoing, up for anything kind of child until he went to high school/became a teenager. I guess I'd like to know if my frustration and concerns, especially about DS1, but about our family dynamic in general are warranted or if this is actually"normal" and it's me who has the problem?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 05/01/2020 20:16

Pretty normal for a 14yr old to not want jolly family outings.

I would prefer my teens to be involved in doing something outside of going to school.

Your dh's life wouldn't suit me, but - he is an adult and he is happy doing what he enjoys, so I see nothing wrong with relaxing over the Christmas period. I've had a pretty relaxing time myself, tbh, and I'm pretty sociable on the whole.

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